


Ninja Bar Spectacle

by LonelyOolong



Series: Tokubetsu Tales [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Shiranui Genma-Centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:29:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 71,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22910239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyOolong/pseuds/LonelyOolong
Summary: If he knew meeting his friends regularly at a ninja bar would turn out to be so entertaining, Genma would have suggested it years ago.Short drabble-ish series set roughly between the end of the Fourth War and Kakashi becoming Hokage. Point of View changes will be indicated.Feedback is super appreciated!
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Shiranui Genma, Namiashi Raidou/Yamashiro Aoba, Shikamaru/Neji (past)
Series: Tokubetsu Tales [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785016
Comments: 60
Kudos: 179





	1. Imagine the Autopsy

“Aaoobaa-sennpaii! It’ss been’a whiillee, how’re youu?” the drunken Yamanaka materialized next to the older jounin, flopping bonelessly around one Yamashiro Aoba who reacted just in time to become forcefully acquainted with Ino’s chest. After a brief pause during which the man tried to process this sudden development, Aoba attempted to extract his face- A _s if Genma isn’t already insufferable_ \- when he realized that his hesitation had allowed for the kunoichi to latch her arms around his neck.

_Ah shit._

He started to lift his arms up to pry the babbling blonde off of his person, only to realize that she had somehow tangled her legs around him, effectively immobilizing him.

_How the hell did she-oh shit is she sitting on my lap?!_

The sound of muffled snickering from somewhere to his left indicated not only that his friends had noticed his predicament, but that there was no way he was ever going to stop hearing about this for the rest of his life.

“Aaoobaa-sennpaii Aaoobaa-sennpaii! I misssed you s’much! You’re my faaav’ritesst sennpaii ‘n’ I loove you sennpaii!” the blonde continued her drunken babbling, her growing volume doing nothing to fix Aoba’s decreasing oxygen supply.

_This is it, this is how I’m gonna die: asphyxiated from a comrade’s boobs while Genma and Raido are losing their shit. Imagine the autopsy..._

_"_ OH! I lovve you tooo, Raido-taicho!” with those words the blonde turned her inebriated attentions to the (suddenly very quiet and very alarmed) jounin directly to his left. Quicker than should have been possible for her in such a state, she released her grip on Aoba and oozed partially onto Namiashi's lap. Suddenly able to breathe, Aoba choked in a gulp of air and quickly followed it with the remainder of his drink.

Just as he decided that it might be a good idea to scoot away as stealthily as possible, leaving Raido to deal with Ino, the kunoichi in question remembered his existence. As quickly as he had previously escaped, he was drawn back in to Ino’s drunken-amoeba-of-whatever-the-hell-was-going-on-and-hey-that-hand-shouldn’t-be-touching-there!

\----- ----- ----- 

Genma POV

Shiranui Genma, who had managed to only snicker with Raido when the spectacle began, was now clutching his stomach and wiping away the tears that threatened his eyes from the force of his laughter. He started slumping into the last and only outwardly composed member of their group, Hatake Kakashi. Genma could tell that Kakashi was having a hard time keeping his composure, if the slight tremble in his chest was anything to go by, but knew the other man well enough to understand that he would do his damndest not to react to the scene in front of him. Still slumped into Kakashi, Genma idly wondered how long it would take the other man to nudge him off as his laughter calmed to a face-splitting grin. Out of the corner of his eye, the tokubetsu-jounin noticed a flash of pink approaching.

Haruno Sakura walked up to the table and made a grab for her best friend’s shoulders and started prying her from her victims.

“Oi! Ino-Pig! I don’t care what you do with Aoba-san and Raido-san in private,” Aoba’s jaw dropped open as Raido’s eyes widened comically at the insinuation, prompting Genma to snort out some of his drink, “but if you keep doing shit like this in public I’ll have Shikamaru shadow-possess your ass and- oof!”

At the mention of her teammate’s name, Ino promptly released her prey, causing the pair to land on the floor in a heap. 

“Shikaa?” the blonde looked around for the strategist, letting out a slurred “Shikkaa!” when she finally located him. The drunken duo scrambled off the floor and made their way back to their own table.

Genma managed not to wince at the nickname he knew for a fact the shadow-nin hated. His dreams of composure and being able to breathe lasted all of eight seconds as he saw his friends’ faces in varying shades of red. Collapsing nearly into Kakashi’s lap, he grasped his friend’s flak jacket like it was the only life preserver on a sinking ship.

He didn’t remember his senbon falling out of his mouth.

_He still hasn’t pushed me off._

Genma filed this bit of information away as he tried once again to remember how to breathe.


	2. I Think I May Be Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another night at the ninja bar leaves Genma wondering what Aoba's secret is, and why Kakashi knows. More importantly, what else is Kakashi confiding in him?

“Wait,” Raido asked, “how do you know about that? The only people in that hospital room were me, Genma, and the nurse. I think the nurse retired shortly after that mission, and Genma was on more painkillers than I was. I don't remember anything.”

“Oh, the nurse wrote in your medical file that you woke up Genma and asked him if he thought ‘the scars would be a hit with the ladies’ before you started taking your clothes off and running down the hall,” Ino replied. 

“Well,” Genma began, “That explains why you were tied to your bed when I came to. But still, how did you know about something that happened nearly fifteen years ago?”

“Ino and I got bored and read all of your medical files ages ago. They were pretty boring honestly, though that’s probably because your generation doesn’t check in with the hospital after your missions,” Sakura said with a swish of her hand and a tick in her brow, as if the rather large invasion of privacy and possible breach of security were nothing compared to the older jounins’ disregard for their own health.

“Yeah,” Ino added, “medical histories are really dull when there’s entire years at a time missing. Not to mention all those parts in Kaka-sensei’s and Genma-senpai’s files that are redacted. We wouldn’t have gotten anything interesting if I hadn’t-” Ino quickly cut herself off at a look from Sakura that absolutely screamed “ABORT! ABORT!” 

Genma glanced at Raido, then turned back to the two kunoichi in front of him. That the two kunoichi had gotten ahold of their medical records was about as unsurprising as the fact that they had figured out his and Kakashi’s connection- _former connection_ \- to ANBU, though he noted that they hadn't included Raido as part of that group. With the Yamanaka’s abilities being naturally suited to gathering intelligence, and her own relationship with the Konoha Intelligence Division, it wasn’t that far of a stretch to imagine the girl had managed to find out more than she would ever let on. 

“Ino, Sakura,” Raido started, “why our medical records? What were you even looking for?”

“Hah? Sakura said it already didn’t she?" Ino drawled. "We got bored. Besides, we did this back when the teams for the Niju Shotai were just announced. It would’ve been a pain to be on a team with people I didn’t know anything about. Appearances can only tell you so much, you know that as well as any of us.”

“After we read yours and Aoba-senpai’s, I wanted to look at Kaka-sensei and Asuma-sensei’s," Sakura elaborated. "Then we decided to look at the proctors from the Chunin exams, but Hayate-san’s were separate from the active-duty, so then we ended up breaking into Torture and Interrogation and looking at ANBU’s fil-”

“OI! You just said we shouldn’t tell them about that! What’s with that?!” 

“So let me get this straight Pinkie,” Genma started, schooling his features into a smirk, “you broke into T&I because you were bored?”

“Say,” Aoba added, “if you had time to be bored, couldn’t you have spent more time training?”

“I was _bored_ ,” Sakura huffed, “because one of my teammates defected from the village, the other went off to train for three years with a perverted writer, and my _sensei_ dropped off the face of the Earth.” 

“Besides,” Genma snickered, “Tsunade-sama wouldn’t have let her take it easy anyway. Remember that time Shizune-san was sick so Tsunade assigned you to our mission, Pinkie?”

“Of course, and I’m still waiting to pay you back for _that_ , Pincushion _-sama,”_ Sakura said with a twitch in her eye. 

“I’ll help you, Sakura-san,” Raido added, “I think you two traumatized poor Iwashi for life. He still can’t look you in the eye, can he?” 

“If anyone is traumatized here, it’s me!” exclaimed Aoba, who was fending off Ino’s renewed efforts to encompass him in an octopus grip. 

“Ne, Aoba, don’t grown men usually like getting attention from beautiful young girls?” jibed Genma, thoroughly amused at his friend’s reactions. Suddenly Ino froze. After the slightest pause and widening of her eyes, a look of realization came over her features before she calmly extracted herself from Aoba.

“Jeez, stop bothering Aoba-senpai in public, you troublesome woman," a lazy voice said from behind Genma. "People will start getting weird ideas.”

“Shikamaru! Who’s getting weird ideas?! Besides, Aoba-senpai is- anyway!" Ino cut herself off suddenly. "Did Chouji come with you?” 

Genma’s eyes narrowed. 

_What was she going to say about Aoba? She has to know we all caught such an obvious redirection._

Genma looked across the table at Raido, asking in their own nonverbal code if he knew what Ino was talking about. The subtle shake of his head indicated a negative response. Genma tapped out a series of beats on Kakashi’s leg under the table, asking the same question and expecting the same answer. He showed no evidence of his surprise as he felt the responding taps on his thigh.

_Yeah. Talk later. My apartment._

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----  
  
  


Kakashi POV  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Kakashi had learned a lot of rather unexpected information this evening. Possible security breaches aside, he hadn’t realized that his hot-tempered teammate was so… _familiar_ … with other jounin his own age, especially Genma. Who was in his apartment, sitting on his couch, waiting to find out what exactly “Aoba-senpai _is.”_

Kakashi trusted Genma with his life. He knew that Genma would listen to what Kakashi had to say and _hear it._ The tokujo had always been remarkably adept at seeing through Kakashi's various masks and facades, ever since their time at the Academy. He also knew that Genma was the kind of person who was growing more and more anxious about their crow-commanding friend by the minute and that when he found out what the secret really was, he was going to be annoyed beyond belief that it’s something he considers so trivial. But there was another reason Kakashi wanted to talk to Genma tonight. 

His laid back personality and healthy respect for keeping secrets made him a choice candidate to be Kakashi’s confidante. It didn’t hurt, of course, that Genma’s habit of cracking jokes always helped to ease Kakashi’s mind since they often shared a sense of humor. Kakashi internally thanked Ino for her near slip-up, as it provided him with the best opportunity he was probably going to get. Because no matter what, he was absolutely never going to have this conversation with _Gai_. The man may be the best friend he's ever had, but he was completely out of his depth when it came to the subject Kakashi wanted to discuss. Genma, on the other hand, was an expert.

Kakashi took a seat next to Genma.

“Mah," Kakashi began, "I know you’re probably worrying about now so I’ll go ahead and finish Ino’s sentence. ‘Besides, Aoba-senpai is gay.’”

Kakashi openly studied Genma’s reaction. As expected, a jagged swish of senbon and an arched brow betrayed Genma’s annoyance.

“That’s it? Seriously?" the tokujo returned with an exasperated sigh. "Though I guess it makes sense why Ino would choose to pick on him over Raido, if she knows he won’t make a move on her. Though, I wonder why she knows. Come to think of it,” Genma turned to face Kakashi, “why do you know?”

_Ah, there’s my opening._

“Well, I used Pakkun to track him once and he said he had smelled another man on him," Kakashi waved vaguely. "It would have been fine, if he hadn’t said it in front of Aoba and made it awkward. I have no idea why Ino knows, though.”

“Knowing that one, it’s probably because she went snooping around somewhere she shouldn’t have," Genma said with a smirk. "I still can’t believe her and Pinkie got ahold of those files, not that there’s anything interesting in there. I mean, if they were curious about Raido’s scars they could have asked him.”

“Hmm," Kakashi agreed. "Ne, Genma, it doesn’t bother you at all about Aoba?”

Genma gave him a funny look, eyes narrowing in confusion and suspicion.

"Kakashi," he said flatly, "you know what people used to call me behind my back when we were in ANBU, and you went on enough of _those_ missions with me to know why they started calling me that in the first place."

_That still didn't give anyone the right to call you something so degrading..._

"So, no, it doesn't bother me," Genma concluded. "It doesn't bother you either, so just tell me what's on your mind."

As quickly as it had built, Kakashi’s resolve faltered. 

_It really isn't fair how easily he can read me sometimes, when he can completely hide his true feelings if he wants to._

"I think I may be broken,” Kakashi blurted.

“Kakashi, you are absolutely broken-” Kakashi’s heart sank, this was what he already knew and Genma was just going to confirm it for him “- but I’m pretty sure that has more to do with losing everyone you’ve ever cared about and less with whatever you're worried about.”

_Oh. That… isn’t quite what I thought he’d say._

“Why do you think you’re ‘broken’ anyway? Not wanting to get close to someone only to lose them is normal in our profession, so you have to mean something else, right?”

Underneath the placid exterior of Gemma's face, Kakashi could see the waves of concern cresting and falling, pooling into the fine lines around his eyes. Not for the first time in their friendship, Kakashi was momentarily stunned by the kindness in the other man's eyes. 

_You’ve come this far, Kakashi, might as well get on with it._

“I’ve never really been attracted to anyone, man or woman," Kakashi said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. "I mean, I can recognize when someone is attractive, but I’ve never really wanted to have sex with anyone. I’ve done it for missions, of course, but I had to use genjutsu on myself. That’s part of why I started reading Jiraiya-sensei’s books. I wanted to see if they could make me feel something, but it didn't work, and I ended up liking the plot anyway. I’ve never told anyone before…”

Genma just looked at his friend in silence, absorbing the new information and not knowing what to say. 

“Give me a moment. I'm trying to think of something witty to say,” he eventually sighed and untied the knot at his forehead while running his other hand through his bangs. 

_Shit shit here it comes why did I tell him I shouldn’t have told him shit fuck shit shit..._

“Kakashi,” Genma began hesitantly, “I don’t think you’re broken. At least, not as much as you used to be, and definitely not because of this. But why say something now?”

Kakashi was silent for a few moments. “It didn’t bother me much before the war, but since everything was settled with Obito and Sasuke, and since the Akatsuki is gone... it just seems like everyone around me is settling down. Everyone seems to be moving on with their lives… I saw Kurenai and Mirai last week, and Kurenai was _happy_ even though Asuma is gone and she’s raising their child alone, and it hit me that I’ll never have that kind of connection. Not that I think I come even close to deserving it, and I definitely don't want to raise a kid, but- ah, I don’t even know why I’m telling you this..."

More silence ensued, and Kakashi watched the slow, hypnotic movements of Genma's senbon as it swished.

“Kakashi," Genma said softly, "you deserve to be happy more than most of the people in this village. You've been through things that I can't even joke about, even if my life was at stake. And you went through almost all of it _alone._ So, whenever you’re feeling lonely and want someone to listen, come find me.” 

“Thank you, Genma.” Kakashi would never tell his friend how much Genma's underlying message- _you aren't alone, not anymore_ \- meant to him, though he suspected Genma already knew from the easy smile gracing his face. They sat in a comfortable silence for several minutes before Genma let out a soft snort.

“You know, it’s probably for the best that you haven’t told Gai," Genma grinned, signaling a positive shift in the atmosphere. "Knowing him, he’d probably try to turn it into some bizarre celibacy ‘challenge’ or something. I can’t believe you guys are still at it, what? Almost thirty years later? Give or take? That reminds me,” Genma turned to meet Kakashi’s eyes, “you owe me and all the rest of our classmates from back then. Big time.”

“Hah? Why?” Kakashi asked.

“You owe us,” Genma snickered, “for graduating early and leaving us all to deal with an obnoxious Uchiha and a batshit insane taijutsu fiend. The way I see it, you owe me and Ebisu extra.”

“Ah, I’d almost forgotten you were on his genin team. I’m sure that alone was enough to have had Inoichi-san poking around in your head,” Kakashi joked. “And just how exactly am I supposed to pay you all back, Genma?”

Genma turned thoughtful for a few moments, then responded. 

“I don’t know," came the slow reply. "I’ll talk to everyone that’s left in the village and we’ll let the council decide your fate. I’ll let you know what everyone decides.”

Genma tied his bandana back onto his head and stood up to leave, clapping a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder.

“In the meantime,” he drawled, catching Kakashi’s eyes with a small smile, “try and let yourself be happy, Kakashi.”

Genma left the apartment with a lazy wave over his shoulder, senbon swishing rhythmically. The door closed with a soft click, leaving Kakashi to stare at the space that had previously been occupied by his friend’s head.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. "You Can Drop the Henge Now"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma accepts a solo mission, the kind he swore he would never take again.

Genma was acting weird. Outwardly, everything about him seemed normal: the lazy smile, the senbon moving like a rod dowsing for water, and Kami the absolute _sass_ that only became more potent with alcohol _._ Forehead protector-backwards, but check. Flak jacket-check. Raido surreptitiously glanced beneath the table. Shoes-check. The formula was in place, nothing was visibly missing. Nothing was visibly different. 

So why did the constant ringing in his left ear get worse whenever Raido looked over at his best friend? 

It probably wasn’t because Genma was practically in Kakashi’s lap again: he usually ended up on top of whichever unfortunate bastard made the mistake of sitting too close. It wasn’t because Genma got so drunk that he couldn’t sit upright, but rather because invading his friends’ personal space was “his favorite bartime game.” Or so he once told Raido, though the latter was inclined to leave it as “because Genma is a fucking goblin and he uses alcohol as an excuse to show his true nature in public.” Though, it was still odd that Kakashi hadn’t dumped Genma’s ornery ass on the floor yet.

Something was definitely off, he could feel it.

A flash of pale blonde across the bar grabbed Raido’s attention and he quickly tensed before recognizing the person as one of Ino’s cousins. He exhaled his relief. Aoba was away on a mission, so if Ino popped up _again_ , Raido was prepared to make a hasty exit using a shunshin. He could almost bring himself to feel bad about avoiding the chunin, but she had developed this nasty habit of clinging to him and Aoba and professing her love to the jounin whenever she was let within a three meter radius of alcohol. It didn’t matter that it was the platonic love of comrades, it was still embarrassing. It also didn’t matter that Raido wasn’t her favorite. Absolutely not. 

“You know,” Genma’s drawl drew Raido’s full attention and the scarred man knew he’d been found out.

“It’s not like you to be scared of your own teammate, Rai.” Raido could almost feel the sadistic glee radiating from the other man. 

_Why am I even your friend, you damn bastard?_

“‘Why am I even your friend, you damn bastard?’ is what you were just thinking, right?” Genma yammered on with a cheeky grin, leaving Raido to wonder how in the actual _hell_ he got it word for word.

“Mah, Gen,” Kakashi looked up from his little orange book, “leave Raido alone. It’s bad enough he’s afraid of a little blonde chunin nearly half his age without you making fun of him for it.”

_Even Kakashi is on my case now? Aoba is even more terrified of her than I am! What the hell is this?!_

“Kakashi, Genma, you two weren’t the ones she was clinging to in public," Raido defended himself with a vaguely sour expression. "Besides, Aoba is worse off than I am. He’s doubled the amount of traps in his apartment, convinced she’s going to hunt him down and suffocate him with her chest. I got caught in a genjutsu meant for her. Showing Sakura-san and that Sasuke being intimate would have been enough to stop her, but showing Asuma dying was a bit overkill.”

“Jeez, was he trying to kill her? Or you, for that matter?” Genma asked, in worried disbelief.

“That’s right, you and Aoba were both there when Asuma died. But wouldn't it have hurt him just as much to place that genjutsu?” Kakashi asked, book now laying forgotten on the table. 

“Well yeah,” Genma gave the white-haired nin a brief look, “but Raido was on a genin team with Asuma and Kurenai. Even when your team grows up and you start going on separate missions, they’re still your family.”

“Ah, that's right. I’m sorry, Raido,” Kakashi met Raido’s eyes, “I had forgotten about that.” 

Raido sighed. “You two mourned him as much as I did, remember? If either of you tries to console me again I’ll break both of your arms, got it?”

“Still, though,” Genma pondered, completely unworried by his best-friend’s threat, “for Aoba to go that far… He must’ve been really freaked out. Ne, Rai? When did you say this happened?”

“The morning after the last time we all went drinking, around 5:30," the scarred man supplied. "I was bringing him coffee because we had the morning shift at the Tower.”

Something flashed across Genma’s face as he and Kakashi shared a look, then passed before Raido could identify it. Genma turned back to the scarred man at his right with a grin so sudden, so out-of-nowhere, _so unnerving_ , that it left Raido floundering.

“Ne, Rai- _chan_ , you said you brought Aoba-san coffee?” the long-haired nin drawled in a voice suggestive of something, though Raido wasn’t quite sure what.

“Yes? He can be even worse than you are in the mornings. I prefer to not have his damn crows pecking at my ass before 8:30,” Raido’s attempt to dispel whatever delusion Genma had cooked up for him only seemed to fuel it.

“So, Rai-chan, you see Aoba in the mornings a lot, do you?” At this, Kakashi sighed and returned to his book. 

“And you seem to know a lot about the traps in his apartment, don’t you, Rai-chan? Do you spend a lot of time at his apartment, Rai-chan?” Genma was practically bouncing in his seat now, barely containing his own demented laughter. 

“Genma,” Raido bit out, exasperated and confused, “just say whatever you’re trying to say. You’re starting to piss me off. And stop calling me ‘Rai-chan.’ It’s disgusting.”

“Fine, fine," his friend relented with a slight pout. "I’m _saying_ that you must be really close to Aoba to be able to just walk into his apartment with coffee on a regular basis. Is there something going on with you two?” 

Raido blinked his confusion, and his answer. He’d had a feeling this is where his friend was going with his interrogation. He wasn’t naive, he’d been a shinobi too long for that. It was just that he’d never seriously considered Aoba in that manner before, and was fairly certain the dark-haired nin hadn’t seriously considered him in that manner either. He didn’t know if Aoba was into men, but it wouldn’t have changed anything between them. Even if they had gotten pretty close since the Niju Shotei. Even if they had gotten blackout drunk together after Asuma’s funeral and woke up slumped against each other on Raido’s couch. Even if he brought coffee to the other man at least once a week because he knew everyone in intelligence was batshit crazy. 

“Seriously?!” Genma sputtered, “Not at all? You hadn’t given it any thought? You bring him coffee every week because you’re worried about his sanity down in Intelligence and you thought that was normal, friendly behavior? Cripes, you’re unbelievable. You don’t even bring _me_ coffee, you asshole.”

Kakashi looked up from his paperback friend. “You got all of that from a blink? That’s pretty impressive, Genma.”

“What can I say? I’m naturally gifted at figuring out when my best friend is being a dumbass,” Genma sent a smirk in Kakashi’s direction, then turned back to Raido, amusement dampened somewhat by the sincerity in his look.

'Give _it some thought, okay? You might be surprised at what you find.'_

\----- ----- ----- 

This night was getting to be ridiculous. Raido had gone to the bathroom and came back to find Genma and Sakura having a drinking contest.

Again. 

Raido slid back into the booth next to Ebisu, who had shown up about a half hour ago and was watching the proceedings in drunken awe. He knew from experience that they could be there until the bar closed. He just hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

Again.

Raido looked over to Kakashi, hoping he would be able to convince them to slow down. From what he could read in the visible half of his friend’s face, he guessed that this was the Copy-Nin’s first time experiencing one of Genma and Sakura’s contests and was contemplating whether or not he should be amazed or disturbed. Raido could relate wholeheartedly. Genma notoriously- among his friends anyway- had a naturally high tolerance for alcohol, but then he asked Sakura how to force the body to metabolize substances within the body quicker, thinking it might be useful if he were drugged or poisoned. So to practice, the pair would go drinking. 

And it just went downhill from there. Raido didn’t know if he would ever be able to forgive Sakura for making Genma into an even bigger pain in the ass. 

_How the hell are they affording this much alcohol anyway?_

Raido watched them each line up a row of shots when he suddenly felt a chakra signature flare across the table, an ANBU operative emerging from a shadow behind Kakashi.

“Genma-senpai,” the operative spoke quietly before turning to Kakashi. “Kakashi-senpai, you’re here too. Good.” 

The addressed shinobi turned to acknowledge the newcomer and a tense silence washed over their small table. The masked nin held out a small scroll for the pair to open.

“I know it’s troublesome,” the operative began, “but we’re still short-staffed from the war. None of the current available operatives are skilled enough for this specific kind of mission, frankly, so the Commander told me to beg one of you to take it. It doesn’t really matter who takes it as long as it’s dealt with quickly.”

Kakashi sighed slightly, resigned, and opened his mouth to undoubtedly accept the mission when Genma cut in.

“Don’t bother, Kakashi,” he said. “I’ll take it. I owe Ibiki a favor anyway, better to settle up on my own terms.” He looked to the man cloaked in shadows behind him as he continued. “Nara, pass on a couple of messages to the Commander for me. The first is that we’re even. The second is that if he doesn’t find someone else to take these from now on, I’ll sic Anko on his sorry ass.”

“Tch, understood,” the Shadow-nin replied, smile hidden by the deer mask, reaching under his cloak to pull out another scroll when Genma waved him off.

“I don’t need the mask. It’ll only be troublesome,” Genma smirked, not missing the chance to use the other man’s catchphrase against him, leaving the rest of the table without doubt of the ANBU’s identity. 

“Thank you, Shika, if that’ll be all,” Kakashi said, missing Genma’s slight wince at the operative’s codename. With a flash of chakra, the Nara dissolved into shadow. As his friend asked Sakura to help him filter out the alcohol from his system, Raido wondered about what had just transpired.

_What was that wince about? He must be more drunk than I realized, to take that mission. Then again, Ibiki must be desperate to ask either of those two for help. It must be seduction/assassination then, since Genma was first pick. I’m surprised he accepted, though, considering what happened when he got back from his last one eight years ago. Shikaku-taicho had him removed from ANBU... He can’t have forgotten about that, even if he never said what happened, so why???_

Raido was brought out of his musings by a series of thumps on his leg under the table. He flashed his eyes to Ebisu to show he understood, then looked across to Kakashi staring at Genma’s back with concern and something unexpected. 

Relief. 

_Well, that’s new._

Genma threw a few bills onto the table and gave his companions a compelling version of his usual smirk that would have convinced even Raido, had it reached his eyes. 

Within seconds, Genma had left the bar, taking the pleasant atmosphere from before along with him.

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- ----- 

  
  
  


Kakashi POV

  
  
  


A downward gust of wind blew the scent of blood to Kakashi’s nose. He extended his senses until he could feel the familiar chakra signature- faint, growing fainter, and closing in quickly.

Suddenly there was a flash of amber as Shiranui Genma leaped from a nearby tree and landed on one knee before Kakashi’s team. He slowly stood up to his full height, finally lifting his eyes from the ground to settle on Naruto.

“Naruto-kun,” the assassin began, using a honey-dipped voice that few would ever hear and even fewer would live to remember. “Could you do me a favor?”

Kakashi’s brows furrowed a bit as the other man asked his favor-' _go tell Tsunade-sama I'm back, would ya?'-_ and Naruto took off. Kakashi quickly noted Genma’s- unusual, but nevertheless immaculate- appearance: golden-brown hair tied up yet letting a few strands fall around his face, amber yukata showing off the choker he wore under his jounin uniform and more of his chest than was really necessary but revealing no injuries. 

_I can smell at least five different people’s blood on him, but he doesn’t seem to have a scratch or a scar on him… Don’t tell me he’s-?!_

Kakashi quickly shared a look with his teammate Sai, and the younger nin immediately prepared to write a message. 

“Genma,” Kakashi hesitated, “it’s okay. You can drop the henge now.”

Genma’s eyes shifted to Kakashi’s in acknowledgement before turning to Sakura.

“Pink’, don’ freak out, kay?” A “poof” sounded and the illusion was dropped before the medic had a chance to respond. 

And Kakashi immediately wished he hadn’t released the jutsu. He was covered in blood. It was mostly dried and likely not all his, but the smell permeated through Kakashi’s mask as Genma finally lost the strength to stand and crumpled under his own weight. Kakashi moved to catch him and gently laid him on the ground so Sakura could begin healing the damage. He didn’t look any better up close, and the realization that _Genma doesn't smell like Genma_ sent a pang of guilt throughout his chest. His pupils were unevenly dilated and Kakashi could make out a faint trail of blood coming from his friend’s unnaturally gray lips. Then those lips began moving.

“Akumu, 0-1-0-2-0-3, targets ‘liminat’d, one’s-a hedgehog n’ one’s-a really really bad flute play’r n’ ‘m gonna take-a nap now.”

Kakashi hoped Ibiki would be able to make sense of that.

“Please try to stay awake, Genma-san!” Sakura chimed in, “You have a concussion, but I have to stop the bleeding from your ribs first. Were you drugged or poisoned, by chance?”

“Yeah. Tried t’ m’tab’lize ‘t but I got dis’ract’d,” Genma’s eyes were beginning to wander and glaze over.

Sakura looked up to her patient, trying not to show the frustration that Kakashi knew was beginning to form. “Which is it, then? Drugged? Or poisoned?”

“Both,” Genma was now studying Sai, who was detailing the entire debriefing in ink, completely missing Sakura and Kakashi’s shared look of surprise.

_That certainly explains the slurring. He doesn’t even slur this much when he’s drunk._

Sakura pulled out a hypodermic needle from her weapons pouch and injected it into Genma’s shoulder.

“Here,” she said, “that won’t get rid of the poison completely but it should slow it down a little. It may make you a bit loopy.”

“‘Kay,” Genma responded, now examining the various pockets on Kakashi’s jounin vest. “‘M gonna go-t’ sleep now.” Before he could make good on his declaration, Kakashi pulled out a worn orange book from his pocket and handed it to Genma.

_Maybe this will keep him awake enough until Sakura can heal his concussion. She just came from a double shift at the hospital though. She looks like she’s almost to her limit._

Kakashi took out a kunai from his own weapons pouch and sliced into his finger. He performed a quick set of hand seals and summoned two of his ninken. 

“Yo, Kakashi,” came the voice of Pakkun, settled atop Bull’s head.

“Pakkun,” Kakashi said quietly, “I need you to bring Yugao-san here. Bull, would you mind being a backrest for a little while?”

With a “got it” and a soft grunt, the two ninja hounds moved to their assigned tasks. Kakashi settled against his largest summon and lifted Genma into a sitting position between his legs, head falling back onto Kakashi’s shoulder. 

“Bit forw’rd o- you, ‘Kashi,” Genma turned his head to look at Bull’s face and started to reach out to pet him, inadvertently exposing a distinct series of bruises that left a bitter taste in Kakashi''s mouth. “Bull, it’s been-a while. How’re ya? Hey ‘Kashi? ‘M gonna shove-a senbon up ‘Biki’s dick fer try’n’a give ya that mission. Can I take tha’ nap now?” Genma reached behind him with one hand to try to pat Kakashi’s cheek as he said this, but miscalculated slightly, thus ending up lightly brushing his fingertips across Kakashi’s cheekbone along the edge of his mask. 

_No wonder he always got sent out on those seduction missions. He’s half dead and nearly out of his mind, and still charming. The jerk isn’t even trying!_

Genma dropped his arm back around Kakashi’s neck, giving Sakura better access to his ribs, and held up _Icha Icha Paradise_ with the other.

“‘Kashi, read t’me. M’eyes won’ work. B’sides, ‘ll fall ‘sleep ‘f I try-ta read but I like yer voice so ‘ll list’n ‘f ya read,” Genma closed his eyes and settled deeper into Kakashi’s chest, thoroughly unaware of the near heart attack he was giving his longtime friend or the blush making its way across the medic’s cheeks.

“Ah, Sakura-chan, how bad would it be to let him go to sleep now?” Kakashi asked, completely ignoring the source of embarrassment resting against him. Kakashi’s meaning did not escape his former student.

“...I’ll start healing the concussion now,” she murmured. ‘ _Before he says anything else embarrassing’_ was left unsaid between the pair, though each understood. 

“M’kay. Hey, Yuu-chan’s here! ‘M gonna sleep’n now,” Genma chirped before promptly passing out. 

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


A clatter down the hallway drew Kakashi’s attention. He quickly pocketed his book and headed towards the noise now coming from Genma’s room. And came to a full stop in the open doorway as he processed the scene. 

The first thing he noticed was that Genma was no longer covered in blood. This, however, allowed Kakashi to see more of the other man’s superficial wounds. He noted in particular the distinct outlines of handprints around Genma’s throat and hips, the telltale signs of ropeburn on his wrists and above his elbows, and a few bite marks around his shoulders. Most of his chest was wrapped in bandages, as well as one of his thighs.

Which brought Kakashi to the realization that Genma was not wearing clothes. Clad only in a pair of hospital-issue boxers, the yukata from before was nowhere to be seen and his choker was missing from its normal spot.

Which led Kakashi to his final understanding. The choker was not in its normal place because Genma- half naked and recovering from moderate injuries- was attempting to strangle Raido with the article in question as the two argued loudly. 

Kakashi decided to come back later and turned to leave when he registered what the duo was arguing about.

“Why the hell did you take that mission anyway?! Kakashi is perfectly capable!” Raido wheezed as he tried to unhook the ankles from his waist and shake his aggressor off of his back. 

“I already told you it’s because I don’t want to see him in pain! Now give me back my goddamn-!!” The two froze as they saw Kakashi staring wide-eyed at Genma, who was now trying to avoid eye contact. Kakashi watched as Genma slid off of the scarred nin’s back and moved to sit on the hospital bed.

After a brief pause, Raido muttered that he would go let a nurse know Genma was awake and disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving Kakashi and Genma in awkward silence. After a moment’s deliberation, Kakashi decided to sit next to his friend, reminding them both of that night Kakashi confided in Genma.

Kakashi didn’t know how to respond. Did he let that slip as some sort of confession? As his friend just being overprotective? Was he just overreacting to a perfectly innocent sentiment from a friend who had seen him come back from the lowest point in his life? 

So Kakashi tried to break the ice the way Genma would: with a joke. 

“Ano, should I take that as a confession, Genma-kun?” Kakashi teased, observing his friend’s reaction in his peripheral vision. Genma's reply came softer than he'd expected.

“Take it as you like, Kakashi.” 


	4. Easy, Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mostly-recovered Genma leads a team of 5 to follow up on some information he gathered on his last mission.

Genma turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a threadbare towel around his waist and placing the senbon that he’d left next to the sink back in his mouth just as a knock sounded at his apartment door. Careful not to drip water all over the floor, he opened the door to reveal two of Kakashi’s teammates. The first, a loudmouthed blond with a habit of wearing obnoxious colors, jumped back into the corridor with a shriek as he registered the occupant’s state of undress. The second, a raven-haired teen with an unhealthy pallor, plastered on an obviously fake smile and informed Genma that the Hokage had summoned him.

Genma looked between the two nins and pondered what recent sin he must have commited to have to deal with this shit on his only day off in two weeks. He heaved a sigh and opened the door wider to usher in Sai and Naruto, who was now pointing at Genma and flailing with a slight blush on his face for reasons Genma absolutely did not want to know about. 

“Just let me get dressed,” he said, turning towards his bedroom. He put on the simple black choker laying on his nightstand and grabbed the nearest pair of standard-issue pants in his wardrobe. He pulled them on under his toweland rifled through a drawer to find fresh wrappings. Sitting at the end of his bed, he made quick work of wrapping his legs, years of practice giving the task a menial quality, and strapped his kunai holster to his thigh. Moving back to his wardrobe, he pulled on a uniform sweater and grabbed his jounin vest from the back of his desk chair, shrugging into the familiar weight of it and zipping it up to his collar. He grabbed his forehead protector off the nightstand and tied it backwards onto his head, moving towards the door and toeing on his sandals with the two younger shinobi in tow.

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Aoba POV

  
  
  


Aoba stood in the Hokage’s office with Raido to his right, and Sakura to his left. They were still waiting on Kakashi, and probably would be for at least another twenty minutes, and Genma, who was currently being brought by Sai and Naruto, who were supposedly going to be on standby in case the first team needed backup. He wasn’t entirely sure how this lineup had come about. Seriously, why the hell did they need two assassins- three really if he counted Kakashi-, a spy, and a medic? Or was it that they needed two bodyguards, a strategist, a stalling-nin, and a medic? Or maybe it was that- _nope. I am going to stop trying to figure this out._

Aoba was thoroughly perplexed. But he sure as hell wasn’t going to let anybody know about it. 

A quiet knock sounded at the door, followed by a muffled shout of “We’re comin’ in, ya’ know, Granny Tsunade!” as the Kyuubi vessel barrelled through the door, a suspicious tinge of pink scattered across his cheeks. A collective sigh echoed through the room as Sakura put Naruto in a headlock and smiled innocently at the Hokage. 

Genma closed the door behind himself as he stepped into the office and waited for instructions.

Aoba noted his friend’s damp clair clinging to his jaw.

_Shit, did he just get out of the shower? What the fuck is he thinking, going in public like that?! Especially while that jutsu is still wearing off! Damn pretty-boy bastard. He should know better, especially after what happened last time! Though that explains Naruto’s face, I guess..._

As he begrudgingly appreciated his friend’s features, Aoba was glad that his sunglasses mostly hid his stare. He was man enough to admit to himself that he found Genma attractive- _which is why I hope he never uses that damn jutsu on me_ \- but he wasn’t at all romantically interested in the guy. No, the one he _was_ interested in was standing directly to his right, attention focused solely on the Hokage’s instructions that Aoba subconsciously filed away. 

Raido. His friend since their Academy days, his comrade since their genin days. Not that he was attracted to him back then, because he honestly hadn’t been. Even before the mission that left a quarter of his body scarred, Aoba had never thought about the other man in such a manner. He hadn’t really even considered it until they were put on the same squad for the Niju Shotai. It had been a few years since they had worked together in such close proximity for an extended time and he realized he had grown rather fond of his old friend. Then, after the war, the realization that they had both made it out alive when so many hadn’t made him realize just how close to dying he really had been. Had he been part of the unit that stayed behind to assist with communication, he would have died in the Tailed Beast Bomb’s explosion along with Inoichi-san and Shikaku-san. Of course, he knew any day may be his last when he committed to being a shinobi and he simply assumed that he wouldn’t make it back to Konoha. So, after the war he decided to stop hiding who he really was and go after what he really wanted.

Or, well, that was the idea in theory. Reality wasn’t so easy. Every time he thought about trying to broach the subject with Raido, the panic would start to set in. And then Raido was there, steady and sure as though things were somehow going just as planned. Ever-serious and reserved with his smiles- though not around his close friends- he had a bit of a reputation as a hardass. Aoba could see how Raido might appear that way to those who don’t know him well, but for fuck’s sake the man’s best friend was _Genma_ of all people. That was evidence enough of a sense of humor, or at least infinite patience, since Genma could be more than a handful when he wanted to be. 

Which brought Aoba to another concern: was Raido in love with Genma? The two had been close for as long as Aoba could remember, despite their wildly different personalities. Then there was _that thing._ That thing where Genma was damn charming and damn near irresistable, which was helpful when he had to get close to targets for information, but he couldn’t fucking turn it off! Because he wasn’t even aware he was doing anything in the first place!

_And that’s without even using his stupid jutsus, the bastard._

Though, as the Hokage finished her speech and Genma instructed his team on when and where to meet, Aoba tried to recall anything indicating that Raido was interested in Genma. He couldn’t think of anything, and decided there was no real use in torturing himself with hypotheticals. 

_Still, Genma could be as bad as Kakashi when he shows glimpses of his face. Damn pretty-boy bastards._

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Genma POV

  
  


“Right then,” Genma finished saying. “I’ll go find Kakashi and haul his sorry ass to the gate. We’ll head out as soon as everyone is there. Remember to pack civilian clothes.” 

The team quickly separated to prepare for the upcoming mission. Genma hurried back to his apartment to grab the mission bag he kept prepared at all times, adding a neatly folded sage green yukata and its tie. He didn’t like it quite as much as the amber one he wore on his last mission, but he had no other options as he had been unable to get the bloodstains out of it. A damn shame really, since he happened to like that one. Hopefully they would be able to quickly get accurate information out of some locals without exposing themselves and take care of the issue. After all, he had a more than capable team with him this time. There wouldn’t be a repeat of his recent mission to the Land of Rivers. 

No, this time they had enough people to afford precautions. They didn't have time to deal with someone recognizing Genma, and he certainly wasn't eager to come across someone he had met. They would spend the first day or so running through the trees to the border of Fire Country and make camp. The second day they would cross into the Land of Rivers, splitting off into two groups. The first team would go into the village from Genma's last mission and try to pick up their targets' _real_ trail while the second would act as a decoy until they met back up. Then, they would retrace the route to its source in the Land of Feathers.

Easy, right?

Genma finished getting his pack together and left to find Kakashi, playing around with possible formations and cover stories as he reached out with his chakra. Locating Kakashi’s chakra, he took to the rooftops and headed in his friend's direction.

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Raido POV

  
  
  


Raido took out the small pouch he’d taken to carrying around in recent months and emptied a small portion of its contents into his hand. As he munched on the sunflower seeds, he vaguely wondered if years of head injuries had finally caused irreversible damage to his brain function. Because the idea that he had been carrying around one of Aoba’s favorite snacks just so he could share them with said friend at the slightest indication of hunger was so telling, so obvious, that Raido vowed Genma would never find out. The possibility of Genma being on to something was mortifying enough on its own, but the idea of him _finding out he’s right_ left Raido suppressing a shudder. 

He leaned fully against the defensive wall behind him and sighed slightly. As if summoned by his thoughts, Aoba dropped from a nearby building and came to stand next to him. Wordlessly, Raido passed him the bag of sunflower seeds, earning him a quiet “thanks” and a small smile. The two chewed in companionable silence and waved at their pink-haired teammate before she turned to the gate guards. 

“You think Genma will be alright?” Aoba suddenly asked. “I thought he just got out of the hospital a few days ago.”

“Tsunade-sama decided that if he was well enough to break out of the hospital, then he was well enough to go on missions. I think Kakashi tried to convince her to give him more time to rest, considering the nature of that assignment, but Genma insisted he was fine and needed to follow up with the intel he got on his mission before circumstances changed and they had time to plant false trails. Hence our mission now.”

Aoba looked surprised. “Kakashi asked that? Really? Any idea why?”

Raido met his friends eyes- well, sunglasses as it were- and figured he should tell what he knows since they were all about to leave for a mission estimated to take a couple of weeks at least. 

“Neither of them has confirmed anything,” Raido began in a voice low enough that only the man next to him could hear, “but that mission almost went to Kakashi, before Genma snatched it up instead. Kakashi's team were the ones to get him to the hospital when he came back. When I asked why he took it, Genma said it was because he didn’t want to see Kakashi in pain. That was before he could have known how bad the intel was, but he knew it was seduction from the beginning. Hatake has done enough of that kind of mission, though not nearly as many as Genma, so he knows Kakashi could have done it. I thought maybe Genma was trying to protect him, since Kakashi looked relieved when he didn't have to take it. I wasn’t sure until he redirected Anko’s attention away from Kakashi at the bar last night.”

“That doesn’t make any sense though,” Aoba said, brows furrowed in confusion. “Kakashi is one of the best shinobi in the village, he doesn’t really need protection, does he? Unless Genma knows about something we don’t.” Raido ducked his head in agreement, and Aoba carried on. “What was Anko harassing Kakashi about this time anyway?”

“She asked him if he fucks with the mask on,” Raido answered with a suppressed eye roll. 

“She’s asked him that at least once every six months for the last ten years. Maybe longer. Why would he suddenly be bothered now? It doesn’t make any damn sense. If Genma’s trying to protect him then he knows something we don’t. At any rate,” he brought the conversation to a close as the subjects of their conversation finally appeared, “if it becomes an issue on the mission, say the word and I’ll snoop through Genma’s mind.”

Raido hummed his agreement and the duo walked to meet the rest of their team. 

He had a feeling it was going to be a long and stressful two weeks.

  
  
  



	5. Well, Something Similar Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only a day into their mission, Aoba is ready to strangle Genma. 
> 
> Poor Sakura has no idea what's going on anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for any spelling/grammar mistakes and also for the abysmal fight scene.
> 
> I know it sucks, so please be gentle.

They were minutes away from reconvening with Kakashi and Aoba when trouble came in the form of a rogue shinobi. Genma glanced across to Raido, who was already resting his palm on the hilt of the katana tucked into his belt, and then to Sakura. So far, none of them had been recognized, and their cover seemed to be working. 

_ Not that Pinky needs a bodyguard, much less two. These guys don’t know that, though. Still, I hope we can end this before Raido gets fed up and summons his Kokuto.  _

“Let us pass,” Raido implored the bandit before them. “We don’t want any trouble.”

“Ha! As if!” the rogue responded. “See, we don’t want to deal with any competition from outsiders, and that girlie looks like she’d sell for quite a bit, so I’m afraid we can’t just let you pass.”

Three more rogues jumped from the trees to stand beside their leader. Sakura, to her credit, managed to stay in character and stood behind her supposed guards. Genma bit back an exasperated sigh and moved to unsheathe his own katana, his gift to Hayate for making jounin returned to him upon his death. Blades had never really been Genma’s choice of weapon, but his friendships with Hayate and Raido, as well as the need for versatility in ANBU, dictated that he have at least a suitable mastery of kenjutsu. 

Genma turned to Raido, who nodded. They each produced two Shadow Clones and moved to surround the group of thugs. Genma thought back to his time as a chunin and the hours he spent training with Hayate. 

“Ninja Art-” Genma began.

“-Crescent Moon Dance,” Raido finished.

_ Well, something similar anyway, since it’s nowhere near as good at Hayate’s. _

The two assassins and their clones took off, leaving only afterimages in their places. Metal clanged, a rogue with a scratched-out Iwagakure forehead protector crumpled, and another with a scratched-out Shinobi headband cursed.

_ Ah, a war deserter! He’ll be fun to kill. Serves the little shit right for being a coward. _

A sudden rush of information flooded Genma’s head as his clones dissipated. 

_ The one on the left favors his right side- the one with dark hair, the leader, is faster than the others- ‘Shinobi’ has a Tanto- ‘Shit! ‘Iwa’ got back up! _

Jumping back into the fray, Genma repelled an onslaught of shuriken with his sword. Hidden beneath the sleeve of his yukata, he readied three senbon and waited for his opportunity to strike. A burst of chakra to his feet propelled him into the air and he sent the needles flying. ‘Iwa’ fell to the ground dead, and Genma heard Raido let out a quiet curse.

_ Oh shit, he’s switching blades, isn’t he? Whatever, it’s not like we’re about to leave witnesses, so as long as he doesn’t throw me his- shit fuck dammit! _

Genma caught the unwanted katana in his free hand and tried desperately not to show his unease at wielding the dual blades. He watched Raido lead ‘Lefty’ into the trees, ‘Speedy’ moving to follow when he found his path suddenly blocked by Genma. The leader had his own sword drawn, and the two exchanged a swift series or swipes and blocks. Genma could feel himself slowing down.

_ Raido, hurry the fuck up, you asshole! You know I’m shit at this! _

Genma saw Raido emerge from the trees- thankfully alone- and run up behind their opponent. Throwing both katanas into the air, Genma dropped to the ground in a backbend as the rogue shinobi’s sword arced toward his head before coming to an unexpected stop as Raido caught the blade between his hands. Genma registered the presences of three other chakras and tensed, before recognizing that it was Aoba and Kakahsi along with one of Kakashi’s ninken. Raido twisted the sword out of the other man’s grip, allowing Genma to flip away from their opponent, kicking his jaw hard enough to send his head backward as Genma’s katanas returned to the earth through the man’s skull. 

Genma turned an annoyed glare on his friend, pointing at the body before them.

“Raido, what the hell?! This’ll be you, the next time you switch swords in the middle of a fight! Oi, you hear me?! Oi!” 

Genma watched as his friend carefully removed his katana from the corpse before them, patently ignoring his disgruntled friend. This, of course, only irked Genma more. He stepped forward, bracing his foot against the dead man’s skull without so much as a glance and yanked on his own weapon, glaring at Raido without real menace and followed him to where the rest of their team was now waiting. He sat beside Kakashi’s ninken, Bisuke, and began scratching at a spot behind the hound’s ear that he could never seem to reach on his own.

  
  


“Sakura,” Raido spoke up, “do you feel okay? Your face is red.”

Genma continued attending to the often-forgotten dog, oblivious of how his yukata had shifted during the fight or Sakura’s focus on his exposed chest.

“Ah, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi began, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head, “I forgot to mention it earlier, but remember when Genma came back a few days ago?”

Sakura’s eyebrow twitched, and Genma finally looked up at the mention of his name. “You mean when he came back using a henge to hide the fact that he had serious injuries? What about it?”

Kakashi looked at Genma, slightly weary, before continuing. “Well, that henge was part of a jutsu that he uses-”

“Hah?” Genma interjected, “That jutsu only works on people who already find the caster attractive.”

Aoba muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “Damn pretty-boy bastard.” 

Genma looked over to Aoba, incredulous, and opened his mouth to inquire as to what exactly the fuck that was supposed to mean when Kakashi spoke again.

“Mah, Genma, since she’s being affected by that jutsu anyway, you should probably explain it at least a little.”

Genma turned his attention back to the dog now resting in his lap and began his explanation.

“There’s really two jutsu that I use together. The first is a henge, but I just use it to camouflage any scars that would give me away as a shinobi. The second is a jutsu that increases the production of pheromones and releases them on a time-delay. That allows the user to suppress and conserve chakra while still achieving the effects. You can extend the life of the jutsu by molding chakra. Rather, using chakra will increase pheromone production in direct proportion.”

“So if using chakra reactivates the jutsu,” Sakura began with a slight frown, “why did you use a henge coming back?”

Genma snorted, “I’d rather deal with chakra exhaustion than a worried Naruto. Besides, being a hero doesn’t automatically give you the clearance to deal with ANBU.  _ You _ at least know how to keep your mouth shut.”

Genma paused, frowning, then confessed “I never really thought about it affecting anyone from the village.”

Aoba interrupted with an indignant scoff. “What are you, an idiot? That damn jutsu’s aftereffects are how I figured out I was gay.”

A brief, incredulous pause, then Raido nodded, “Same here, though I think I still like women too.”

Genma blinked, surprised at the admissions, and Sakura turned to Kakashi.

“Ano, Kaka-sensei, do you..?”

“Mah,” he replied, scrubbing at his hair, “it affects me too, since I can smell the pheromones easily, but I think it’s a little different for me.”

_ Wait, what? How does that even work? _

Genma put on a lopsided smirk, missing the familiar weight of a senbon between his teeth but determined not to show it, and turned on his silver-haired friend.

“Should I be offended or flattered, Kakashi?” The only response to his question was the sudden appearance of a little green book, and Genma found himself unable to control his laughter. 

That is, until Sakura called out to him.

“Genma-san? Ano, do you prefer…?” she trailed off and averted her eyes, yet expecting an answer.

“Oh, that?” Genma said distractedly, figuring out what she meant. “I don’t really give a shit either way. A target is a target: whether or not they have a dick doesn’t make any difference to me, since they’ll end up dead anyway. Anyway, we should get moving. It’s almost sunset. Were you able to find out which route they had taken?” Genma addressed his question not to Kakashi or Aoba, but rather Bisuke. He’d always been Genma’s favorite ninken, which was why he always requested Bisuke instead of Pakkun whenever he worked with Kakashi. 

Bisuke opened his eyes rather sleepily and gave a drowsy “yeah, Boss,” earning a look from Kakashi. Genma moved to stand, holding the dog to his chest with one arm while he continued to scratch behind his ears with the other. 

“Alright then,” he addressed the group, “there’s an inn in the village. If we go now, we should be able to make it by nightfall.”

He started walking, ignoring Aoba’s mutterings of “even the damn dog likes him” and Kakashi’s protests against Genma spoiling his summons. By the time they had checked into the inn, Genma had clocked a peculiar tightness in his back on top of the residual soreness from his last mission. Within minutes, he had deposited a snoozing Bisuke on a cushion and was easing into the hot water of the baths. 

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Kakashi POV

  
  


_ Nothing like a nice bath after a long day. _

Kakashi slid open the door panel to the baths, spotting his teammates easily. There was no one else there, and since Aoba, Genma, and Raido had all seen his face before, Kakashi removed the towel from the lower half of his face and sunk into the water next to Genma. He looked up when he felt a stare from a few feet away, only to see Aoba’s eyes- without the sunglasses for once- focused into a glare. 

Before he could ask if something was on his face, Raido spoke up. “Aoba, why are you glaring at Kakashi?”

“Because they,” he emphasized a finger in Kakashi and Genma’s direction, “don’t even seem to realize that they’ve been the cause of all the gay panic within the Ninja Corps for the last fifteen years, and it pisses me off.”

Kakashi turned to Genma, mirroring his confused expression, then turned back to the dark-haired nin. He missed the sudden teasing glint in the senbon chewer’s eye.

“Aoba, I know you’re frustrated, but that jutsu will wear off in a few days,” Kakashi could almost feel the sadistic glee emanating from his friend, and knew his next words would probably make more than Aoba uncomfortable. “In the meantime, I’m sure Raido wouldn’t mind taking care of you.”

_ Ah, there it is.  _

If Aoba’s glare before had been uncomfortable, the sudden tension between Aoba and Raido as they not-so-subtly moved away from each other was downright cringeworthy. Not quite willing to take pity on them just yet, Kakashi decided to point out how affected his friends were.

“Well done, Gen-chan, you even managed to make Raido blush. Say,” he turned to the man beside him, evil glint in his own eyes, “do you think we should get a separate room from them after all?”

“Good thinking, Kashi-kun,” Genma purred, leaning in to drape his forearm across Kakashi’s shoulder. “Besides, I have something I want your help with in the other room anyway.” Genma winked at Aoba and moved to leave the bath, giving the rest of the ninja a full view of the fading bruises down his back.

_ Mah, I know he doesn’t mean it the way he made it sound, but did he really have to leave me with those two? I wonder what he wants, though... _

Kakashi decided that whatever the reason was, it was better than watching two of his oldest friends screw each other with their eyes when they thought the other wasn’t looking, and moved to follow Genma. Wrapping a towel around his waist, Kakashi threw an eye crease over his shoulder and gave one last attempt to embarrass his friends.

“This might take a while, but I’m sure you two will find some way to occupy yourselves.”

Chuckling at his friends behind him, he followed Genma back to their room.

“So, did you really need help with something or were you just trying to piss off Aoba?”

Genma looked up as he put on a fresh pair of uniform pants and smiled slightly. “A bit of both, really. There’s this spot on my back that I can’t reach.”

  
  


“Ah,” Kakashi said, slipping into his own pants, “I’ll get it for you.”

Genma nodded his thanks and turned his bare back to Kakashi, dropping to his knees. Kakashi came to kneel on the floor behind him. After confirming the problem spot, Kakashi got to work lightly kneading the area. 

_ Shit, he’s tense.  _

After a few minutes, the muscles underneath his hands began to ease, prompting Kakashi to search for the other places where Genma was holding tension. Having found a spot on the older man’s lower back, he instructed Genma to lean forward a little so he could reach the area better. He continued his massage upwards, easing the muscles and periodically giving instructions as he went, until a strange thing happened. 

Kakashi dug his thumb into the nape of Genma’s neck, causing the other man to immediately tense back up.

Frowning slightly, Kakashi asked if he had hurt the other man, to which he received a strained “I’m fine.” 

“Genma, try to relax,” Kakashi implored, rubbing soothing circles on the spot. This, however, had the opposite effect of what it intended, leaving Genma painfully stiff under Kakashi’s touch.

“Seriously, you’re more tense than when we started. You have to relax or it will only hurt worse,” he said, getting a sort of grunt in return. Kakashi pressed harder, determined to force the muscles to ease up when he heard a small noise escape the man kneeling before him.

_ Shit, I didn’t pinch a nerve did I? _

Kakashi swept his fingertips down Genma’s neck- firm but gentle- searching for any signs of tenderness. Seeing nothing, he returned to his mission only to realize Genma was slightly trembling. 

“Genma?” he asked, seriously beginning to wonder what was wrong.

“Sorry,” the man answered through clenched teeth. “I’m fine. This is fine.”

Aware that the other man was clearly  _ not fine _ , he sighed and instructed him to tuck his head towards his chest, thinking it would help to stretch out the muscle. He decided to retrace the areas he’d already gone over, only a portion of the tension melting away this time. He dug the heels of his palms into the base of Genma’s spine and slowly worked up, fingers curling over his shoulders and digging back into the exposed neck. 

Genma threw his head back with a choked gasp and a shudder, and it finally hit Kakashi why the other man had reacted the way he did.

“Sorry, Kakashi,” the other man forced out, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Maybe it’s best if we stop now.”

“Hm,” Kakashi agreed, though neither moved away. After a few minutes and some consideration, Kakashi decided to continue his earlier ministrations.    
  


“Kakashi, you don’t have to-” Genma began before Kakashi cut him off with a simple “It’s fine. You’re too tense. You need to relax. The noise doesn’t bother me.”

They stayed that way for the next few minutes, the silence punctuated with an occasional gasp as Kakashi melted away the tension throughout his friend’s back.  _ Again _ . This time, the tightness stayed away even as Kakashi kneaded the sensitive spot at the base of Genma’s neck. The pleasured groan his comrade let out shocked Kakashi. 

_ That sounds nothing like what I remember hearing during those missions.  _

The realization that he was one of the few people alive to hear that noise come from the tokujo- he had no idea where the other guy’s womanizing reputation came from, honestly- prompted Kakashi to follow through on the sudden urge to run a hand down his side, massaging Genma’s hip. He dipped his thumb into the other man’s waistband- just to see what would happen, really- still rubbing circles into his neck when he heard a noise outside their room. 

A sudden cry of “DYNAMIC ENTRY!” had both men freezing in dread as Aoba jumped into the room, Raido behind him. 

“Ah, I wish you two could see your faces! I’m going to treasure this moment forever!” Aoba cackled uncontrollably as Raido looked pointedly at Kakashi’s left hand, still gripping Genma’s hip half under the man’s waistband. 

“Er, sorry to interrupt,” he began, “but we still need to eat and go over the plans for tomorrow. We went ahead and ordered food to Sakura’s room. Aoba, let’s go.” Raido put a hand on Aoba’s arm and guided him out of the room. 

Coming back to his senses with the reminder that  _ they were on a mission _ , Kakashi gave Genma’s hip a final squeeze and went to retrieve the rest of his clothes before wordlessly slipping into the hall. He released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and calmly walked to his pink-haired teammate’s room

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Aoba POV

  
  


This was turning out to be one clusterfuck of a mission. Not because of anything related to the actual mission itself, mind you, but because of that damned pretty-boy bastard, Genma. 

It was bad enough that he’d extended that weird horny-making jutsu, though that was unavoidable really. Coming out hadn’t really been as big of a deal as he’d thought, either. 

No, what really messed with Aoba was hearing the jackasses he calls 'friends' essentially tell the guy he liked to bend him over and fuck his brains out. While the two were naked and in close proximity to each other.

_ Well, they didn’t say it quite like that, but it was implied. It's bad enough I have to deal with this shit in my own head, I don't need anyone vocalizing it!  _

Then the culprits left him there alone with the person they just told him to fuck in a painful silence. That. Lasted. For. Fucking. Ever. 

Until Raido said, “We need to talk when we get back to Konoha,” and asked if Aoba would go check on Genma and Kakashi while he checked on Sakura. So he obeyed like the good little lovestruck ninja he was. 

Then he heard Kakashi tell Genma to “relax or it will only hurt worse” and nope'd the fuck out of there. Nope. No, sir. Today would not be the day Aoba listened to Kakashi and Genma having sex, if that day even existed. 

So he’d hurried back to Raido, only panicking a little thank you very much, and they’d decided to order dinner to Sakura’s room. It finally arrived, and the other two were still missing, but Aoba insisted that Raido go with him to check on the others.

Because if he was going to be traumatized, he wasn’t going to be the only one, dammit.

Then, the planets had aligned and he’d come up with the idea for his petty revenge. Snickering, he’d told Raido to get the door for him and prepared to launch himself into the room.

The twin looks of terror on their faces had been so priceless that he didn't even register that they were on the floor half-naked until Raido spoke up. It was more than completely worth it, though, and Aoba cackled even harder on the way back to Sakura’s room as he remembered that he’d asked for extra spinach on Genma’s food.

Aoba was still smiling when Kakashi came into the room, mask in place, giving no indication of his prior activities. A few moments later, Genma entered the room, wearing the choker he usually kept hidden and his jounin pants, senbon between his lips. 

He sat down at the open spot next to Raido and looked down at his plate. A deep scowl of clear distaste settled over the man’s features and Aoba couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer. Rather than spitting his senbon at Aoba, as he’d expected, Genma began calmly taking the pieces of spinach and putting them on Raido’s plate.

“Genma-san? What are you doing?” Sakura asked, bewildered. 

“Decontaminating,” the other man grouched, shooting a glare at Aoba. “At any rate, we need to discuss tomorrow.” 

He looked around the table. “Here’s the plan.”

  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Humans Are Weird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was not how any of them wanted to start the day.

_‘Do you want to talk about what happened earlier?’ Chouza-sensei asked, looking down at Genma as if the young genin was a paper bomb that had yet to detonate. Genma didn’t comprehend the question._

_‘I don’t understand, Sensei. What happened earlier?’ Genma wracked his brain, trying to puzzle out what the man meant._

_‘Well, you killed someone for the first time today, Genma. It can be a hard thing to take.’_

_What was he talking about? They were in the middle of a war and Iwagakure went back on their alliance with Konoha. Genma just saw an opportunity and took it before a real fight could break out. How was he supposed to know his jokes wouldn’t land when the guy’s body fell dead?_

_‘But Sensei, we were already low on chakra from our mission. We wouldn’t have stood much of a chance in a fight, and even if he had information, we were outmatched.’ Genma didn’t understand why it was a big deal. Even Ebisu and Gai had been giving him weird looks all afternoon._

_‘I understand why it was necessary. I just wasn’t expecting you to make a joke about it, then pull the senbon out of his neck and put it back in your mouth.’_

_Genma frowned. It hadn’t been his best joke, he could admit that much, but why was the senbon such a big deal? It wasn’t like the guy was going to need it anyway._

_‘Ebisu and Gai keep looking at me weird when they think I’m not paying attention. They do know we’re at war, right? People die.’ Genma couldn’t completely conceal his frustration and knew Chouza picked up on it._

_The Akimichi sighed and clapped his student on the shoulder. ‘If you ever need to talk, that’s what I’m here for.’_

_‘Sensei, really, I’m fine. It doesn’t bother me at all.’_

_‘I know,’ Chouza replied, a strange look coming over his features, ‘That’s why I’m worried about you.’_

  
  
  


_His target was almost ready to spill, figuratively and literally. A rough hand came across his ass and Genma forced out a moan, knowing it was exactly what his target wanted to hear. He just had to convince the Feudal Jackass railing into him that he enjoyed their little trysts as much as he did. By his estimations, he should be able to get that last vital piece of information he needed within the next half hour._

_Once their transaction was complete, he’d calmly broken the man’s neck, put on his clothes, and met up with Hound just outside the compound._

_‘Akumu, 0-1-0-2-0-3. Objective accomplished,’ he’d told his comrade, who nodded before both men took off under the cover of darkness, neither stopping until they returned to the ANBU barracks._

_Somewhere just inside the Fire Country border, Hound started speaking, breaking protocol and character._

_‘How do you cope with this after the mission is over?’_

_‘It isn’t personal, so I don’t make it. I make a transaction, I leave no witnesses, and it’s done.’_

_A pause, then Hound responded._

_‘Guess I’m not the only one that’s cold-blooded.’_

  
  
  


_‘Turn around, Genma,” his mother told him, holding a familiar piece of black cloth in her hands. He did as he was told and felt the fabric come around his throat, briefly wondering if his mother was planning to kill him before relaxing into the touch. It was just a necklace._

_‘I know you don’t start the Academy until tomorrow, but I couldn’t wait to give this to you. I have to leave for a mission tomorrow.’_

_She turned him back around and placed a hand on the young boy’s head. There was no fear in her eyes, nor sadness, but Genma knew._

_This would be the last time he saw her alive._

_He wasn’t angry or upset, because he understood even at such a young age that she was a soldier of the Hidden Leaf long before she had ever been his mother. He held no resentment toward her, knew better than to take it personally, because that was just the way things were._

_He’d walked into the Academy the next day alone, wearing his mother’s choker, with a light smile on his face._

  
  
  


_‘Since you’re to be my guard, I thought it best to teach you the Hiraishin.’_

  
  


_‘The hand signs are-’ “_ Genma” ‘-Rat, Bird, Sheep. Got it?’

_Three voices uttered a brief ‘Yes, Yondaime-sama.’_

_‘Please,” the Hokage implored, ‘just call me-’_ “Genma?” _‘-alright? Now, draw the seal where you want to come out, and focus your chakra into the seal on your hands.’_

_The three younger nin gave the jutsu a try, but nothing happened._

_‘Ah, I thought that might happen. Here,’ Minato instructed, ‘try it together. Here, stand like this, then join your hands like this.’_

_The guard platoon did as they were shown and prepared to try the jutsu again. This time it worked, a little, and Minato stepped over to them excited at the possibilities._

_‘That’s a great start-’ “_ Genma!’ ‘ _-so remember that chakra equals distance okay?’_

_He clapped a hand onto Genma’s shoulder-_

  
  


Genma’s eyes flew open, hand reaching for a kunai out of instinct before recognizing the face in front of him. Raido looked down at him with blatant alarm. A quick glance around the room revealed the rest of his team, all displaying varying degrees of unease. He tried not to notice the fading glow in Sakura’s hands, or Aoba’s own hand resting against his forehead, focusing instead on the ninja hound near his bedroll.

“Ne, Bisuke, was I reciting _Icha Icha_ in my sleep again?”

The joke flopped, though truthfully he’d expected it to. What he hadn’t expected was the undercurrent of fear in Sakura’s voice as she spoke.

“Genma-san,” she hesitated, “you stopped breathing.”

Aoba sighed, and Genma reached out to scratch behind Bisuke’s ears. 

“Genma, you were having flashbacks,” he said, eyebrows furrowed behind his sunglasses.

“No,” Genma replied unbothered, “I was dreaming. You know, the thing you do when you’re asleep? Really, you all are worrying too much. We have to get moving soon. I don’t want to spend the night in the desert if it’s avoidable.” 

He pushed off the floor and began rewrapping his legs. 

“We’re going to be close to the Rain border. I don’t have to tell you to stay alert,” Genma carried on, getting back to the mission at hand. Slipping on his sandals, he glanced between Bisuke and Kakashi. 

“So,” he began, placing a senbon between his lips, “lead the way.”

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Aoba POV

  
  


What the hell had that been about this morning? Racing through the treetops, only an hour later, it still plagued Aoba's mind.

He’d been awake maybe ten minutes when he heard Genma’s breathing speed up unnaturally before stopping altogether. Within seconds, he had joined Raido and Kakashi at their teammate’s side. 

“I’ll go get Sakura,” Kakashi uttered before disappearing down the hall. Once the other man was gone, Raido spoke two words. 

“Do it.”

Understanding immediately, Aoba began searching through Genma’s mind, vaguely registering that Kakashi had successfully returned with their medic. After a very brief, very disorienting second, he finally realized what he was seeing.

“It’s really jumbled, but they’re his memories,” he had told the others quietly. He hadn’t gone into details. Some things weren’t meant to be shared. At least not in front of the person.

Lost in thought, Aoba didn’t realize he had slowed down until Raido fell back to match his pace. From this distance, Genma wouldn’t overhear their conversation, as he was having a heated discussion with Kakashi’s ninken about different methods of disembowelment.

“How bad was it?” Raido asked, low enough that Genma wouldn’t hear. He was aware of Kakashi and Sakura listening in, still bothered by the incident from earlier.

“I expected worse,” he replied, choosing his words carefully. “I wasn’t able to catch much, but there was nothing about what we discussed previously. There were a couple of things I just don’t understand though.”

Raido glanced across inquisitively.

“Most of what I caught should have been traumatic events for him, or at least have left some kind of emotional impression…” Aoba managed before trailing off. Realizing he hadn’t finished, he carried on. “But I couldn’t make out any feelings stronger than exasperation.”

A few more steps in silence passed before Raido murmured “I don’t follow.”

Aoba debated how much to tell him. It was one thing to be close to someone during a traumatic event, and it was another to experience it subjectively.

“Apparently, Genma told a shitty joke after the first time he killed someone, which isn’t actually all that surprising really, and couldn’t understand why Ebisu and Gai kept looking at him oddly. He took his senbon out of the guy’s throat and put it back in his mouth,” Aoba began with a slight shudder, “because, and I quote, ‘it wasn’t like the other guy would be needing it.’” 

Raido gave a slight snort. “Yeah, I can see how that might be off-putting. What else?”

“He was bored out of his mind on one of _those_ missions,” Aoba scoffed. “It was like he didn’t even notice the dick in his ass, the bastard.”

_Seriously, a disgusting piece of shit warlord tries to cum inside you, and you worry about your groceries going bad? Damn bastard._

“There was something else,” Aoba continued. “Did he ever tell you anything about his mother?”

“He mentioned her once or twice,” Raido met Aoba’s covered gaze. “What about her?”

Aoba looked forward. “She gave him that choker the night before we started the Academy. She left on her last mission our first day of class. He knew she wasn’t coming back, but he didn’t even try to say goodbye.”

Suddenly, Genma addressed the group, clueing his team into the fact that he’d been listening.

“Words don’t mean shit,” Genma glanced back over his shoulder. “A ‘goodbye’ won’t stop a kunai, just like a ‘sorry’ won’t bring back the dead. Which we’ll all be if we get ambushed because we aren’t aware of our surroundings. Save the psych eval for when we get back to Konoha.”

_Easy for you to say, I thought you were going to drop dead! What the hell even triggered that? I know it wasn’t because I jumped into the room like Gai. At most, it would have just given Kakashi a light heart attack._

“Genma,” Raido intervened before Aoba could talk back. “Maybe we should rest a few minutes.”

Aoba watched Genma’s senbon swish before he dropped to the forest floor, the rest of the team following. He shared a long glance with Raido before sighing and turning to Aoba. Aoba saw the apology in his friend’s eyes and tried for a smile. Despite all appearances, he never really could stay mad at the guy. His smile steadied with the appearance of Genma’s own, then faltered as his friend came up behind him and flung himself across Aoba’s back. Aoba stumbled under Genma’s dead weight, the other man’s arms coming around his throat in a questionably friendly choke.

“Ne, Aoba-chan,” Genma drawled, using the voice he reserved for tormenting his friends, “Since you love me so much, carry me the rest of the way, hm?”

Aoba was so busy trying to get air into his lungs that he almost missed the tapping against his collarbone. 

‘ _Sorry about before. Promise I’m fine. Thanks for caring.’_

Aoba knew Raido and Kakashi had seen and understood the code. It was as much a message for them as it had been for Aoba. 

_Wait, that code is from the Third War. I wonder if Sakura-_

Aoba was brought out of his musings as their youngest team member finally spoke up.

“Kaka-sensei?” Sakura asked, the image of incomprehension. She looked between the jonin in concentration.

“What just happened?”

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Bisuke POV

  
  


Bisuke had missed Genma. Well, he had missed the ear scratches he gave. Of all the humans he’d ever met, Genma was his favorite, even with the Boss. He might even like Genma _better_ than the Boss, since Genma always asked for him.

It was nice to be appreciated. Nothing against the Boss, but he was really bad about picking favorites. It wasn’t always a bad thing, since it usually allowed Bisuke to do whatever he wanted. Still, it was nice to be appreciated.

Pakkun had said that Genma came back from a mission a few days ago, but it hadn’t smelled like Genma. Bisuke was glad he hadn’t been summoned for that. He liked Genma’s scent. It reminded him of the Boss’s, just a little, but less angsty. Familiar enough that Bisuke could relax and fall asleep on his lap. Which he had done at least twice since he’d been summoned. 

Truthfully, he was dismissed pretty quickly, but Genma kept getting that spot on his back that he could never reach by himself, so he’d stayed. 

He was glad he stayed after all. The rest of the humans on the mission were funny. The pink one, Sakura, even gave him a belly rub. She smells like Pakkun. She didn’t like it when he said that though.

_Humans are weird._

The serious one and the funny one barely acknowledged his presence, but that was okay because Genma gave him some of his food when the Boss wasn’t looking.

Bisuke hadn’t liked when Genma stopped breathing. He was worried he was going to have to bite the human to wake him up, but then he’d woken up on his own and scratched behind Bisuke’s ears, so it was okay. He didn’t want to bite Genma. What if he never gave him another belly rub or treat because of it? 

The Boss kept saying he was getting spoiled, but Bisuke didn’t see the harm. After all, he could still rip a human apart or pick up a scent, so what did one or two pieces of the humans’ food matter? The Boss was just jealous- Bisuke could smell it- but he didn’t know why. Maybe it had something to do with the pheromones he could smell on Genma. 

_Maybe I shouldn’t have called Genma ‘Boss.’_

Bisuke watched the humans pitch their tents and lay out their bedrolls and hesitated over whether he should go to the Boss or Genma. They were sharing a tent, and he eventually came to the conclusion that he would just sleep between them.

The Boss was on watch right now, so Bisuke bit his empty bedroll and dragged it closer to Genma’s until they were nearly touching. Wedging himself into the narrow space between the mats, Bisuke curled up and drifted off to sleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify, Bisuke is not in love with Genma (or Kakashi for that matter).
> 
> It should go without saying, but I've seen a lot of weird shit from this fandom.


	7. Kakashi, I Want This One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission continues, and a new project awaits Genma upon his return to Konoha.

It had taken almost a full week, but they were finally in the Land of Feathers. The mercenaries in the Land of Rivers had hardly been a delay, but they lost a full day in the Land of Wind waiting out a sandstorm. Aside from an occasional sand lizard trying to crawl into places it had no right to be, and Raido’s thoughtful glances, Genma’s biggest concern was that they had lost too much time.

_ It’s because of that Kakashi, I’ll bet. He’s gotten so used to being late that he’s started making everyone around him late.  _

His only consolation had been Bisuke being able to pick up their suspect’s scent again, carrying them to the outskirts of a small village before stopping abruptly. The little dog’s entire body began shaking, and the first of a long series of sneezes startled some nearby birds into flight.

“It- ahoo- it stinks lik- ACHOO- like birds. They’re- AH- all over- too many- CHOO- feathers, can’t-” Bisuke managed before poofing away. Genma glanced at the ground where the ninken stood only seconds before, then looked up to Kakashi.

“Is he going to be alright?” he asked, to which Kakashi assured the group that it was just allergies. 

“He had the right idea though, poofing away,” Aoba cut in. The rest of the group turned to look at him, prompting further explanation. 

“These birds are not normal. I feel like I’m being watched,” he elaborated, looking into the branches of a nearby tree. Genma gave him a flat, meaningful stare. Aoba looked down, meeting his gaze with an indignant glare. 

“What?” he asked. The cry of a hawk gathered the group’s attention, and they collectively looked up to see one of the Konoha Medical Corps’ messengers swooping to land on a nearby branch. Sakura moved forward to retrieve the note from its carrying pouch, before turning to hand the paper to Genma with undisguised curiosity. The messenger hawk took off, its job completed. 

Genma calmly took it and began reading it. He let out an annoyed huff when he realized what it was.

‘ _ Test results: negative _

_ No signs of STI or STD. Return to hospital if symptoms develop.’ _

“Genma-san,” Sakura asked, clearly thrown, “what is it?”

Genma let out another annoyed huff and pulled a lighter out of his pocket. Holding the note over the flame, he gave his answer. 

“Nothing that couldn’t have waited until we got back,” he brushed it off, refocusing on the mission. “Aoba, the feeling you had before: do you think it was someone using a jutsu similar to yours?”

“I’m not sure,” he murmured, “I’ll send a few crows out just in case.” 

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Kakashi POV

  
  


Finally entering the small village where their suspect was supposedly hiding out, their team leader had gone about negotiating lodgings. It didn’t really matter to Kakashi where he slept, but he always appreciated being able to take a shower on missions. That’s why he liked having Genma as a team leader, as it was no secret that Genma hated going more than a day without a proper shower.

Genma came out of the inn then, heading toward the rest of the group with three keys in his hands. He handed one to Sakura and shoved another at Raido before reentering the building with urgency and purpose. The rest of the team lagged behind, tired from the day’s travels. Raido suggested a time for them to all meet back up to sort out food, allowing them all to freshen up and rest a little before setting out for the night’s surveillance. They all agreed, and set off towards the rooms. Nose in his book, Kakashi followed Aoba and Raido to the room matching the number on the key Genma had shoved at him before realizing he didn’t know which room to go to. Aoba gave him a flat look, silently calling him out on his mistake, and Raido spoke up.

“I think the other key’s number ended in a 7.”

Kakashi creased his eyes in thanks and set off to find the room he was apparently sharing with Genma. Finally finding it, he entered the room and barely managed to close the door when Genma entered from a side door-  _ the bathroom, I guess- _ and lunged head first onto the middle of the bed. He almost, but not quite, made it all of the way onto the bed, leaving his shins and feet hanging off of the end. The towel around Genma’s waist had shifted, bunching around his left hip. 

Confident that his teammate wouldn’t suffocate for the time being, Kakashi slipped into the bathroom for his own shower. When he returned to the main room, Genma had not moved. He eyed the spaces on either side of the comatose shinobi, and moved to sit at Genma’s left, believing there to be marginally more space on that side than the right. Kakashi adjusted a pillow behind his back and sat down on the bed with his book, getting lost in the pages. 

Kakashi was pulled out of his trance slightly when Genma shifted in his sleep. Distractedly, he let his free hand pass along Genma’s damp hair. He quickly stilled, and Kakashi refocused on his novel, idly stroking his friend’s hair. A light knock and a familiar chakra signature outside the door made him pause his ministrations, and Kakashi looked up as Raido entered the room with Aoba and Sakura in tow. The latter two were carrying trays of food, and began arranging their cargo on a nearby table. 

A raised eyebrow and a pointed glance from Raido made Kakashi realize his hand was still tangled in Genma’s hair, and he quickly removed it before the other two noticed. 

“Genma,” he said, attempting to wake the other man.

“Genma,” he tried again, gently shaking his comrade’s bare shoulder.

“Genma,” he sighed, “I know you’re awake. Come on, you need to get dressed and eat.”

Genma grunted, but otherwise remained imobile. 

“Fine,” Raido intervened, “I guess I’ll pour out the pumpkin soup we got for you.”

Genma opened one eye and looked over his shoulder at his best friend, admitting defeat. He pushed to a kneeling position on the bed, towel dangerously low on his hips. Pulling his arms into a stretch above his head, he proceeded to crack every bone in his neck and back, earning a grimace from Aoba. 

A few moments later, the group was discussing their formation for the evening around mouths full of food. Genma was back in his uniform, minus his forehead protector. Kakashi watched him stab into a vegetable on Aoba’s plate with his senbon while the other man said something to Sakura, eating it just as Aoba turned back. 

Two hours later, Kakashi set out with Aoba to confirm the intel on their target. Most of the information had been correct, though they found out that most members of the group vying for power in Amegakure had either quit or been killed, leaving only their immediate target and two others to regroup. 

Kakashi had captured one of the remaining members, knocking him unconscious so that Aoba could delve into his mind. Assured that there were no traps waiting for them, Aoba sent a crow to signal the others. 

Genma and Raido had appeared within minutes, Sakura in tow. Genma pulled the senbon from his mouth and moved behind the captive, preparing to sink the metal into the man’s skull when Sakura called out. 

“Genma-san, is that really necessary?” she hesitated. “Shouldn’t we take him back to Konoha for questioning?” Genma looked up at her, surprised. 

“If it means that much to you, Pinkie,” he drawled, shoving the needle into the other man’s skull, instantly killing him. “You can carry his body back to the village. I don’t think he’ll have much to say, though.”

Kakashi watched his former student’s expression, and quickly cut in before Sakura could speak. 

“Sakura-chan, Aoba and I have already ascertained how much this man knew. Though their group may be weakened right now, we can’t risk them turning into another Akatsuki.”

“I know that,” she retorted, casting a wary glance at Genma, “but does he really have to joke while killing people? It’s unsettling.”

This startled a laugh out of Genma as he pulled the needle from the body’s skull. He wiped it off on the man’s shirt and put it back in his mouth, winking at Sakura. 

“Genma-san!” she scolded. “That’s just unsanitary!”

“Anyway,” he drawled, “we should get going if we want to catch the other two off-guard. Let’s get going.”

Once the team got into position, the next two assassinations had gone as quickly as the first, Genma and Raido working together seamlessly. In a little under an hour and a half, the team was making its way back to their lodgings to rest before heading back to Konoha the next morning.

The return trip passed uneventfully, the exhausted group finally passing through Konoha’s main gate with waves from Izumo and Kotetsu. 

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  
  


“Thanks for helping me, by the way,” Genma said. “I never wanted to teach brats how to not die, hence the reason I specialized instead of becoming a regular jounin. Though I guess this’ll only help us in the end. I just wish Ibiki had sent someone to me instead of making me ‘choose my own successor.’”

Kakashi gave his friend a happy eye crease, waiting for his friend to take a bite of his barbeque

before responding. 

“I never was a very good teacher, you know. Have you thought about who to ask?” Kakashi took a bite of his own food, mask pulled down to his chin. They were in one of the more private booths toward the back of the joint, Kakashi facing the wall, and the risk of someone seeing his face- other than Genma, who had seen it countless times and couldn’t care less- was slim. Being able to eat at a normal pace helped him relax and actually taste the food. 

‘Yeah,” Genma answered, “but none of them seem right. From what I gathered, they really need a guy. I talked to a handful of chunin, but none of them are cut out for it.” 

“How so?” Kakashi tilted his head slightly, wondering aloud.

Genma snorted slightly and gave Kakashi a downtrodden look. “Everyone, even the girls, told me they couldn’t do it because they weren’t gay.” Kakashi matched his solemn expression, the two feigning disappointment before breaking into slight grins.

“How tragic,” Genma continued, “those brats think it’s about them. I worry for the future of our village, Kakashi, I really do.”

Kakashi hummed, thoughtful, then proposed that Genma try looking at guys already in ANBU.

Genma swished his senbon as he thought. “Yeah,” he said, “I’ll give it some thought.”

The two finished the rest of their meal, developing a rough itinerary for the future student. Finishing up their meal, Kakashi replaced his mask and put enough bills to cover his portion of the food on the table. Usually he would try to mooch off of his friends, but Genma had the nasty habit of being able to call Kakashi out on his bullshit. 

It had nothing to do with the fact that he still felt bad about Genma taking that mission in his stead. Not at all. Really, he just didn’t want to end up pulling senbon out of his body again. 

The two stood up and began making their way to the exit, when a familiar voice called out to them.

“Kaka-sensei! Genma-san!” Naruto boomed, waving his arm and nearly hitting Kiba in the face. “Over here!”

Kakashi sighed internally and walked over to his former student, who was eating with some of the Konoha 11. Genma followed, and Kakashi felt the tokujo freeze beside him. He glanced at Genma, then followed his gaze to land on Shikamaru.

_ What? Oh, that’s not a bad idea, actually.  _

Genma quickly launched himself to Shikamaru and grabbed ahold of his jaw, turning his head to examine his neck. Kakashi sighed and pulled out his faithful  _ Icha Icha _ , ignoring the sputters and laughter from around the table. Genma was now holding Shikamaru’s wrist, testing the shadow-nin’s arm for some unidentifiable criteria.

“Shikamaru,” Genma grabbed the man’s shoulders, face close and senbon swishing, “do you trust me?”

Eyes nearly crossed with the effort of watching the senbon, Shikamaru took no time to think about his response. 

“Not in the slightest,” he said. 

Genma smiled and replied, “good answer.” Still holding on to the younger man, Genma turned to Kakashi. 

“Kakashi, I want this one. What do you think?” 

Kiba spit his drink across the table. Naruto choked on his food, Lee beating his back vigorously. The commotion finally caught Genma’s attention, and he glanced questioningly at Kakashi.

“Mah, Genma,” Kakashi said without looking up from his book, “you have that demented look in your eyes again. At any rate, I agree that he would be a good candidate.”

Genma smiled at Kakashi before turning back to his victim. “Come find me after your shift tomorrow.”

He finally relinquished his hold on Shikamaru and followed Kakashi out of the restaurant, tossing a wave over his shoulder. 


	8. Breathe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shikamaru's training begins with a bang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update 29.06.2020: Raido and Aoba now have their own side story for all of their smut, called Behind Cheap Sunglasses.
> 
> This chapter references the work "You're the Devil, Hyuga" by MemeMouse. It isn't necessary to understand the chapter. A bit of a warning though, that work contains graphic sexual content, so don't read it expecting something light and fluffy.

  
  
  


“Holy shit,” Aoba muttered, “I must be drunker than I thought, because I know I didn't just see Shikamaru buying Kakashi a drink.” 

Genma answered his friend without looking up from his drink.

“It’s fine, I told him to. Kakashi’s in on it,” Genma furrowed his brow, “More importantly, do either of you recognize this song? I swear I know it but I can’t place where I know it from.” Genma tapped out the beat against his glass.

Aoba leveled Genma with a look full of confusion and exasperation. Raido simply furrowed his brows in thought, before coming to a realization.

“I remember now,” he piped up, drawing Genma’s gaze. “It was playing in that old man’s shop during that mission to Snow a few years ago.”

“Well that’s great,” Aoba intervened, “but I’m still confused about the Kakashi-Shikamaru thing. Genma, what in the actual hell?”

Genma cast a glance around the bar and spoke in a low voice. 

“Ibiki put me in charge of teaching someone how to use that jutsu. Kakashi’s helping me with Shikamaru’s training. Right now, he’s supposed to be getting Kakashi to show him his face using any means necessary,” Genma snorted and smirked, “of course, it’s all a set up.”

Aoba snorted, “Isn’t that a bit harsh? Giving him an impossible mission?”

Raido nodded his agreement and looked over to the pair. “Still though,” he said, “is he really cut out for that kind of mission?”

Genma took a long sip of his drink to hide his smirk as Aoba carried on. “Seriously, does that kid even have a sexual bone in his body?”

Genma spit some of his drink out, chuckling uncontrollably. He looked up at his friends and broke into outright laughter at the surprise on their faces. 

“Genma,” Aoba asked warily, “what the hell did you do this time?”

“What?” Genma said, forcing his laughter to subside. “No, no, I didn’t do anything. I just saw something I wasn’t supposed to see a couple of years back. It doesn’t matter now anyway.”

_Not since that Hyuga Neji died in the war._

He chewed on his senbon in thought, unaware of the concern showing in his eyes. He knew his drinking buddies got the jist of what he’d seen and how it had ended. 

“Why Kakashi though?” Aoba asked, considerably more somber. “Why not someone like Iwashi or Tokuma?”

Genma tensed. “Hyuga’s are off-limits,” he flashed a meaningful look at his friends before continuing, “Besides, Iwashi only has eyes for Shizune.” Genma took another long drink, studying his friends over the rim of the glass. 

_Sorry, Shikamaru. Though, you always knew it would come out eventually._

Raido’s quiet question startled Genma out of his thoughts. “Who all knows?”

“I told Kakashi when I found out, and I suspect Kiba figured it out. I’m not sure if Choji knows or not, and I doubt he ever told Asuma. And to answer your other question,” Genma smirked, “I chose Kakashi because there’s absolutely zero chance of something happening between them. Honestly, I’ll be surprised if he manages to even get him to look up from his book.”

Aoba chuckled, and Raido shook his head slowly. Out of the corner of his eye, Genma saw Anko enter the bar with Ibiki.

_Ah, perfect timing._

Genma grinned mischievously at his friends. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make things as awkward as possible for my ‘student.’” He stood, taking off his jacket, leaving him in a v-necked t-shirt, and made his way to an old jukebox in the back of the bar. He passed by Kakashi and Shikamaru on his way, sparing a small wave and a devilish grin. He saw Shikamaru’s eyes narrow marginally before turning back to Kakashi. 

_All right, now where is that song? Oh that brat is gonna hate me for playing this, probably Kakashi too. I bet Raido and Aoba are gonna leave during the commotion. Ah, here it is. I still have no idea how they got away with making a song so blatantly talking about masterbation._

Genma put a few coins into the machine and signaled to the bartender for another drink as it began to play. He moved to lean against an empty table, arms behind him in support. As the duo at the counter registered the lyrics to the song, Genma saw Shikamaru move to grab a kunai. Before he could throw it at Genma, though, Anko screeched an expletive and Genma felt two snakes bind his arms together behind his back. 

He turned around to find Anko towards him, and dashed into the wide aisle running through the center of the bar. Genma vaguely registered some of the younger generation expressing their surprise and Ibiki calmly stepping around them to order a drink. 

Genma dodged Anko’s fists, then dropped to his knees to avoid a kick, leaning back until he was nearly flat on the floor. 

_If I can just reach my leg wrappings…_

He swung a leg out to hook around one of Anko’s ankles, pulling her backwards toward the floor. He allowed the momentum to pull him up to one knee as Anko regained her balance. He stood up fully onto the foot that was planted on the floor only to throw his upper body around, free leg coming up to kick at his opponent. She caught his kick, sending her own toward his face. He quickly righted his torso in an incredible display of flexibility, turning his head to spit his senbon into her throat. His leg was released as Anko used a substitution jutsu, reappearing in front of him. He let his leg swing down, knee bent, pulling it towards his sternum as he sprung into a hitch-kick that Anko blocked with crossed arms. 

Anko lunged forward, causing Genma to fall on his back. In an instant, she was straddling his chest with one hand around his throat. Ignoring the strain on his arms, Genma kicked his legs up, hooking his ankles around the front of her neck. A weary sigh caught their attention.

“How long are you two going to drag this out?” Ibiki spoke into the silent bar. Genma looked back to Anko and smiled. He let his legs drop to the floor as she let go of his neck and got off of him. Genma pulled his knees to his chest before letting them swing back to the floor to pull him to his feet. Concentrating chakra to his arms, he ripped through the snakes with only moderate effort and headed to where Kakashi and Shikamaru were sitting. 

He pulled a pack of cigarettes and a hair tie out of his pocket. He placed a smoke in his mouth and pulled off his forehead protector, stashing the bandana and the rest of the package in his pocket. He raked a hand through his hair, putting it up with the hair tie. He came to stop behind his friends, who were now turning in their seats to face him. 

“I think that’s enough for today, don’t you? How did he do, Kakashi?” Genma slung an arm over Shikamaru’s shoulder, leaning his face in to light his cigarette on the younger man’s already lit one. 

“Ah, he did very well. If I hadn’t been in on the plan in the first place, he would have actually caught me off guard,” Kakashi answered, closing his book. Genma pulled back from Shikamaru, clapping a hand on his shoulder. 

“So you knew, senpai?” the younger man asked.

Kakashi opened his mouth to answer when a familiar voice rang through the bar.

“WHAT? HE’S _HOW_ OLD?” 

  
  


\----- ----- -----

Kakashi POV

“WHAT? HE’S _HOW_ OLD?”

_Oh, Naruto, what are you on about now?_

“I better go see what that knucklehead is yelling about now,” Kakashi sighed, heading over to his former student’s table. 

“Mah, Naruto, is everything alright?” he asked, noting varying degrees of horror around the table. In his peripheral vision, he saw Genma clap Shikamaru on the back before walking toward him, the younger man heading toward the exit. Naruto let out a high-pitched squeak, pointing at Genma. Kakashi opened his book back to the page he’d left off on, suspecting he knew what the issue was. 

_After all, Genma does look even younger than usual with his hair up._

“I’m sorry, Sakura-san,” Tenten spoke up, shaking her head, “I can’t believe you.” 

Kakashi felt Genma come up behind him, resting his chin on his shoulder. Kakashi lifted the book a little higher, knowing his friend was trying to see what part he was on. 

“If you don’t believe me, ask Ino!” Sakura carried on. “She can verify that he’s old!” 

“‘Kashi,” Genma asked in a bored voice, “what are they arguing about now?”

“Oi!” Naruto interrupted, pointing at Genma. “Sakura-chan said you were old, but there’s no way in hell you’re as old as she said you were! How old are you, really?”

“Who are you calling old, Pinky?” Genma spit his cigarette into her drink before putting his foot on the edge of the table, pulling a senbon out of his leg wrappings. He lowered his leg back to the floor before carrying on with a snort.

“Do I look old to you brats? Jeez, I’m only thirty-three years old.” 

A crestfallen Tenten muttered “so it’s true” as a curious Sai quipped “you keep senbon in your leg wraps, Senpai?”

Kakashi looked up at his most recent teammate, along with the rest of the group. Kakashi could feel Genma’s head shift with the force of his eye roll.

“Anyway, “Kashi, I’m staying over at your place tonight,” Genma said from his shoulder. 

“And why, exactly, is that?” Kakashi asked. Genma’s senbon bobbed as he spoke.

“My plumbing is out, apparently. Plus, I absolutely do _not_ want to hear my upstairs neighbors having weird monkey sex until three in the fucking morning again,” Genma paused before adding, “Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve seen the whole pack.”

_Wow, I wonder how Izumo and Kotetsu managed to traumatize someone like Genma._

“Fine,” Kakashi relented, “but don’t even think of trying to give them treats behind my back.”

“You’re just jealous that they like me better than they like you, Kakashi,” Genma joked. “I’ll go settle our tabs.”

Kakashi gave a slight nod before poofing away.

\----- ----- -----

Genma POV

  
  


Genma turned to go pay when Sakura’s voice stopped him. 

“Your arms are still bleeding, Genma-san. Please let me heal them,” she said. 

“Yeah,” Naruto snickered, “What the hell did you even do to get on Anko-sensei’s bad side?”

Holding his arms out for the medic to heal, Genma cocked his head at Naruto.

“What are you talking about? Anko loves me,” he said. “Her and Ibiki gave me some really nice coffee for my birthday last year.” He raised his voice, turning to look over his shoulder. “ISN’T THAT RIGHT, ANKO-CHAN?!”

“UP YOURS, SHIRANUI!” the snake-user hollered back. Genma turned back to the younger ninja with a smile. “See?” he said. “She loves me almost as much as Kakashi’s dogs do.”

The group just stared at him. He stared back. Finally, Sakura spoke up.

“Genma, she tried to strangle you.”

Genma blinked. “That’s how she shows affection.”

“You keep saying that Kakashi-sensei’s pack likes you,” Kiba began, abruptly changing directions. “Why would they like you more than him?”

Genma eyed the dog-nin for a moment before answering. 

“Kakashi always had problems with playing favorites,” he saw Sakura’s eyes lower as he spoke. “He tries not to, but it still happens. Ever since we were kids, it’s been his worst habit. Well, it comes across as playing favorites, but it’s really just that he has trouble relating to others sometimes and ends up ignoring them because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s gotten better in the last few years, though. Anyway, it used to be the same with his pack.” Genma frowned and shifted his shoulder to show his ANBU tattoo, catching the group’s attention before continuing. “He used to be in so much pain, all the time… He couldn’t take care of his own mental health, let alone tend to the emotional needs of eight dogs… I’ve said too much already, but the point is that I tried to be there for those dogs when Kakashi couldn’t be.” 

Genma examined his freshly-healed arms, putting one hand in his pocket and the other on top of Sakura’s head, mussing her hair. He looked at the shocked group and smiled. 

“That’s all in the past now, though. You brats saved him, you know? Especially you two,” he said, looking between Naruto and Sakura. “Anyway, I didn’t tell you guys shit, okay? I really don’t want to wake up from a lightning bolt to the ass.” 

Stuffing his other hand in his pocket, Genma made his way to the booth he had previously occupied, noting the absence of Aoba and Raido. 

_Finally, those two._

He grabbed his jacket and went to the counter to settle his and Kakashi’s bar tabs before heading into the night.

_I can’t wait to take a shower. I always hate it when Anko uses those damn snakes on me. At least Shikamaru agreed to the next part of the training. I’m so sleeping in Kakashi’s bed tonight, I don’t care if he’s in it._

Genma landed outside Kakashi’s cracked window and lifted it up to allow himself entrance, careful not to knock over the framed pictures on the windowsill. He dropped into the darkened apartment and pulled the window closed. He looked the older of the two pictures.

_Yondaime-sama… I should have been there. The three of us were supposed to protect you, but we weren’t there when you needed us most…_

Kakashi padded into the room, and he knew he had been caught staring at the picture. Glad that Kakashi hadn’t seen his face, Genma plastered a smirk on his face and made a joke.

“Kakashi, you were so cute as a kid,” he turned around to face his friend. “What happened, man?”

  
  


\----- ----- -----

Kakashi POV

He’d seen it, reflected in the window pane. He’d seen the sorrow and regret and _grief_ before Genma covered it up with a joke the way he always did. Kakashi contemplated what to do, knowing anything he could possibly say would only irritate his friend. Genma’s smirk fell, and Kakashi knew the other man had realized he’d been caught. Surely he had read Kakashi’s bare face.

Not knowing what else to do, Kakashi stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the other man. He felt Genma stiffen in shock, the hug clearly unexpected. A hesitant hand came to rest at his ribs before the brunette relaxed completely, arms returning the embrace. Several minutes passed, and Kakashi felt Genma’s hand lower slightly before tapping out a code against his back. 

‘ _Thank you.’_

Despite the cue that the moment was finished, neither man made an attempt to move away. They passed a few more minutes in silence before Genma finally broke the moment. 

“Kakashi,” he whispered, “I need to shower now.”

Kakashi slowly unwound his arms and stepped back. As Genma left the room to go shower, Kakashi realized two startling things.

The first was that he had needed the hug as much, if not more, than Genma had. He was usually never one to initiate physical contact outside of a fight. As far as he knew, Genma wasn’t really either, though he had a tendency to flop onto people he was comfortable with, Kakashi being one of those few. 

The second, more startling realization was that it hadn’t been at all uncomfortable to hug Genma. It had actually felt _nice._ Nice enough, even, that he wanted to do it again, if for no other reason than to check if he had actually enjoyed it or if the first one was a fluke. 

Lost in thought, Kakashi made his way over to his bed and climbed in. The sound of the water turning off brought him back to the present. A few moments later, he heard the bathroom door open and called out to his friend. 

“You don’t have to take the couch, I’m sure we can both squeeze into my bed.” 

_Shit what the fuck did I just do?! I just practically invited him to come cuddle in my bed that’s barely big enough for me let alone another fully grown man!_

Genma padded into the room, wearing an old pair of pajama pants that Kakashi no longer wore and rubbing his head with a towel. 

“Good,” he said, ever-present senbon swishing lazily, “because I was planning on commandeering your bed whether you were in it or not. Where should I put the towel?”

Determined not to show his relief, Kakashi pointed to his desk chair. Genma draped the towel across the back before stepping back to the bed. He placed his senbon on the windowsill and climbed into the bed. 

“I’m surprised you’re not sleeping with that thing in your mouth,” Kakashi joked, moving over to accommodate his friend. He felt Genma shift, trying to get comfortable. 

“I didn’t want to risk stabbing you with it. Ah, could you move your arm a little?”

Kakashi grunted and shifted. He was even more uncomfortable now than before. 

“Mah, Genma, I’m partially on the wall. Could you scoot over?” 

“Kakashi, I’m halfway off of the bed already.”

Several minutes passed, both men thoroughly uncomfortable but neither willing to relent. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Genma huffed and sat up. Kakashi suddenly felt himself being maneuvered onto his side.

_Oh no._

Genma flopped back down behind him, shoving an arm under Kakashi’s neck and slinging an arm over his chest. Kakashi’s eyes widened as he registered his position.

“Ah, Gen-” he began before Genma cut him off.

“Shut up and go to sleep, Kakashi.”

Kakashi shut his mouth with an audible click. He heard Genma sigh behind him. 

“Kakashi,” he spoke softly, “this was the only thing I could think of. We can switch if that would make you feel better.”

Kakashi pondered the thought for a moment before murmuring his response. “This is fine.” 

_Why is this getting to me? I’ve had to do this on missions before, though it has been a while, and I was always the ‘big spoon.’ I was able to put up with holding strangers I cared nothing about back then, why am I having such a hard ti- oh Kami._

Kakashi’s already wide eyes widened further and he felt a rush of heat across his face with his third realization of the night. 

To his complete and utter mortification, Kakashi realized that the reason his current position bothered him so much was because, like with the hug earlier, he was actually _enjoying_ it. 

_Oh no, oh no, oh shit, shit shit shit. This is ridiculous, I’m acting like a have a crush on- shit fuck damn it all to hell! This cannot be happening!_

Kakashi laid in Genma’s arms, his heart beating so loud and fast that he knew the man behind him sensed it. 

_Oh this is just fucking great! This is one hell of a time to start having a damn panic attack._

Kakashi felt Genma’s hand spread across his chest before tapping a command against his collar bone.

_‘Breathe.’_

Kakashi let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding before forcing in air past his lips. Genma started to move his hand away before being caught by both of Kakashi’s own. He pressed his friend’s palm back to its previous spot. He felt Genma shift closer behind him, his back now pressed against the other man’s chest. He could feel the movement of the other man’s breathing, quickly catching on to his intentions. Kakashi closed his eyes and focused on matching Genma’s breaths until sleep overtook them both. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Dear Kami: It's Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma has a rough day.

Aoba woke up in a bed that wasn’t his with a dull ache in his ass. He frowned slightly, then felt a shift in the air behind him. A change in Raido’s breathing had woken him up, and Aoba turned his head to find the other man laying on his side looking at him. Aoba smiled slightly, then scoffed.

“I know I’m wonderful to look at, but some people might find it creepy to wake up to someone staring at them,” his smile returned as he caught a ghost of a smile on the other man’s face. Aoba rolled to face the man, bringing his right hand up to lightly trace along the scars before moving his hand behind Raido’s neck. He felt a hand come to rest on his hip, accompanied by a bigger smile than he’d seen on the other man’s face in years.

Aoba’s breath caught in his throat at the rare sight. He studied his new lover’s smiling face, memorizing the way the skin around his eyes creased, the way his lips stretched, the way his scars danced around his face. Aoba catalogued the image, vowing to do anything in his power to see it again. 

The brilliance of Raido’s smile faded, leaving the corners of his mouth upturned. Something shifted in the man’s eyes, prompting Aoba’s curiosity. 

“I think there’s something going on between Genma and Kakashi,” Raido said suddenly. Aoba lifted a brow in a silent question for an explanation.

“Well, he took that mission a couple of weeks ago for starters so Kakashi wouldn’t have to. Then, on our last mission, they were kneeling on the floor half naked. I know you heard that groan, and we both know it wasn’t because he was in pain. Then, later, Kakashi was playing with Genma’s hair.”

_Wait, what? When did that happen?_

“When we brought food to his and Kakashi’s room at the second inn. He had showered and crashed, remember? You and Sakura were dealing with the food. He moved his hand away when he saw me look.”

“Now that you mention it,” Aoba said slowly, “Genma has been a lot floppier towards Kakashi lately. I don’t think he’s realized it, though. I thought maybe he was trying to see how far he could push Hatake before Kakashi finally pushed him away. You really think there’s something going on?”

Raido simply nodded. Aoba broke into a grin as an idea popped into his head.

“You want to spy on them, don’t you?” 

Aoba’s grin just widened in response.

“Fine,” Raido agreed, “I’ll come along, since I’m curious too.”

Ten minutes later, the pair found themselves on a tree branch looking into Genma’s empty bedroom. They shared a glance and headed towards Kakashi’s apartment. Silently, the duo climbed the fire escape, stopping outside Kakashi’s window. 

Looking into the room, Aoba’s eyes widened behind his glasses and he loudly blurted out “Holy shit, Rai, you were right.”

Genma stirred, turning a glare towards the window, and Aoba realized his mistake. 

_Shit, I forgot how horrible he is when someone interrupts his sleep! But still, I wasn’t expecting him to be holding Kakashi like that in Kakashi’s apartment!_

Aoba watched as Genma started to move, only for Genma to look at Kakashi before settling back into the bed.

_No fucking way! I wish I knew what Kakashi just told him. Shit, I am going to fucking die, aren’t I?_

Aoba was brought out of his panic by Raido grabbing his arm and motioning for them to leave. They jumped to the roof, running until they were several blocks away. Aoba turned to Raido.

“What the hell did we just witness?” he asked incredulously. Raido returned his alarmed expression, shaking his head.

“I have no fucking idea.”

  
  


\----- ----- ----- 

Kakashi POV

  
  


_Dear Kami, it’s me: Kakashi. You know, the one you hate? I know I’ve done a lot of questionable things in my life, but do I really deserve this?_

  
  


\----- ----- -----

  
  


Genma POV

Oh, he was going to absolutely _kill_ Aoba for waking him up. Yes, he was going to roast him slowly over a nice fire, maybe even with an apple shoved in his stupid, annoying mouth as an added touch. And as for Raido, that traitorous accomplice…

_Wait, what did he mean? What was Raido right about?_

Realizing it must have something to do with him and Kakashi, Genma puzzled over Aoba’s words. 

_Somehow, seeing us together like this confirmed somethi…_

Genma’s brow furrowed with realization. 

“Son of a bitch!” he growled, startling the man still in his arms. Kakashi turned to look at Genma over his shoulder, eye questioning.

“Those dumbasses somehow got it in their heads that we’re screwing,” he explained. He pulled away to reach for his senbon, leaving the arm under Kakashi’s neck where it was. 

_It’s too fucking early for this shit._

He placed the needle in his mouth and immediately began chewing the cold metal. He felt Kakashi shift until he was facing Genma. 

“Even so,” the gray-haired nin reasoned, “Raido will probably keep Aoba from telling anyone. That should hopefully buy us time until we can clear this up.” 

“Clear up whatever you want,” Genma groused, “they aren’t gonna believe a damn thing we tell them. I couldn’t really care less about that. I’m just pissed that I was woken up from the best damn sleep I’ve had in months because Aoba couldn’t keep his fucking mouth shut.”

_There’s no way I’m going to be able to go back to sleep now, I’m too irritated. What the hell is Kakashi making that face about?_

“You don’t care if our friends think we’re having sex?” Kakashi asked, clearly thrown.

“They already do, apparently,” Genma huffed. Kakashi hummed in response. 

“You know,” Kakashi began, “we might be able to have some fun with this at their expense.”

Genma grinned at the devious look in his friend’s eyes. 

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Tenten POV

  
  


She still couldn’t believe it. But, considering the source was usually reliable, someone close to both of them, she knew it must have some truth. She pushed her sensei’s wheelchair behind its owner, who was running full speed on his hands towards Kakashi-sensei’s apartment. 

“Gai-sensei! Please wai-” she began before Gai cut her off.

“MY ETERNAL RIVAL!” he boomed, scaring a nearby bird into flight. From somewhere down the street, a dog started barking. Within a few seconds, Kakashi appeared, jumping out of his window to land in front of them. 

“Gai? What are you doing here? I thought you were still supposed to be on leave,” Kakashi said, looking between his friend and Tenten. 

“I HAVE HEARD THE TALE OF YOUR HOT-BLOODED PASSION,” Gai began, prompting a confused “huh?” from Kakashi. Tenten saw a flicker of movement from the upper periphery of her vision, the only warning she had before Genma dropped to the ground beside Kakashi.

“Gai,” he greeted, chewing on his senbon, “You’re not supposed to be out of that chair, but I guess that even the eighth gate won’t keep you from challenging Kakashi.” 

“AH! MY PRECIOUS COMRADE, GENMA! I AM GLAD YOU ARE HERE TOO, SO THAT I MAY CONGRATULATE YOU TOGETHER ON THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUR YOUTH!” Gai enthused, showing a blinding smile. 

“Kakashi,” Genma cocked his head slightly, “what the hell is he talking about?”

“How should I know?” the addressed man answered. “He was _your_ teammate as a genin.”

Tenten watched in fascination as the two men talked about her sensei as if he wasn’t there. 

“Well _yeah_ ,” Genma said. “But _you’re_ his ‘Eternal Rival.’ _You_ figure out what he’s saying.” 

Gai finally intervened, voice finally down to roar. 

“I heard it from Aoba-san just this morning, that the two of you had finally fanned the flames of your youthful love!” 

Tenten saw Kakashi rear his head back slightly in surprise as Genma’s eyebrow twitched, senbon now bobbing uncontrollably.

_Oh no! Were they trying to keep this a secret?! Gai-sensei, what did you do?!_

Tenten was brought out of her thoughts by a familiar blur of orange with accompanying screech.

“KAKA-SENSEIII!!!” Naruto yelled, entirely too much energy for the relatively early hour. 

“Oh hell no,” Genma muttered before disappearing in a swirl of leaves. 

Naruto landed next to Gai, already yammering.

“Kaka-sensei, Kaka-sensei, is it true?” the blond asked.

Kakashi eyed his teammate warily. “Is what true, Naruto?”

“That you’re, uh, _you know_ , with Genma-san?” Naruto asked with a leer.

_Wow, word really travels fast! It was just so sudden, though! I still can’t believe Genma-senpai is that old…_

“Ah, Naruto,” Kakashi began, waving his hands in front of himself, “that’s really no-”

“GAI-SENSEI! I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD!”

_Oh no, Lee…_

A green blur blew past her before flying in the air, depositing her teammate next to Naruto. 

“Kakashi-sensei!” Lee began with a salute, “Congratulations on your-” a poof sounded, signaling the group to Kakashi’s departure. 

_The poor thing, he must be so embarrassed!_

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Genma POV

  
  


“-heard that they’ve been together for months.”

“No way! I was told it was just a one night stand. Hey, which one do you think was catching? I’ll bet it’s that Kakashi.”

“Huh, why do you say that?”

“Well, think about it: he’s always reading porn in public, plus he’s always expected to have answers to everything because he’s a genius. There’s no fucking way he doesn’t have some submission kink or something.”

“That’s not a bad point, but you saw Genma last night with Anko. You don’t get that good at fighting tied up like that without practice. Besides, you know what they say about pretty types like that.”

“Ha ha, yeah. It’s been so long since I’d seen him with his hair up like that, I’d forgotten how much younger he can look.”

Genma stood outside the door to the jounin standby station, chakra suppressed, and listened to the gossip about him and Kakashi. It was barely after lunch, and he’d heard over a dozen different stories about himself, none of which were remotely accurate. 

He’d heard people claim that he was using Kakashi for sex, and he’d heard that he was being used for sex. He’d heard a group arguing over whether or not they were actually in love. He’d heard wildly fabricated accounts of their escapades, several of which were so graphically detailed that Genma had to force down a blush. At one point, he’d heard some woman crying and asking why “all the hot ones have to be gay” before declaring that she was going to steal him away from Kakashi.

That one had been particularly disturbing, as he had never seen nor heard of that woman before in his life. 

He pulled off his bandana, pressing the heels of his hands into his temples. He’d had a headache since Naruto’s sudden appearance this morning that had only worsened throughout the day.

The majority of his homicidal rage had subsided after a few cups of coffee, though he was still figuring out the most efficient way to feed Aoba to his own birds. His revenge wouldn’t stop with Aoba, though, as the majority of the ninja corps had started making bets about various aspects of his and Kakashi’s supposed ‘relationship.’ When he had realized that no one could come to a consensus about the issue, he had begun forming a plan.

_All of this because of a misunderstanding. Well, if it’s a misunderstanding they want, then a misunderstanding is what they’re going to fucking get. I just hope Kakashi and Shikamaru will go along with my idea…_

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Shikamaru POV

  
  


_What a drag. This is way more trouble than it’s worth._

He’d walked onto the training grounds where he was supposed to meet Genma, only to find the other man slumped against a tree with a cigarette in his mouth, empty liquor bottles scattered around him. A slight rustle and a chakra signature behind him alerted the Nara to Kakashi’s presence. 

“Yo,” Kakashi greeted, then turned to look at Genma.

“Kakashi-senpai,” Shikamau greeted in return, “I’ve been hearing a lot of strange stories about you today.”

“I don’t even want to know,” the older man said with a slight groan. “He’s even more pissed than he was this morning.”

Shikamaru raised a brow at the admission. He watched Kakashi take a kunai from his pouch before slicing open a fingertip.

“Summoning jutsu!” he said, eight ninja hounds popping into existence around the pair.

“Yo, Kakashi,” a gruff voice came from the pug, riding atop Bull’s head.

_Great, the one that bit me during the chunin exams is here too._

“Uh, Boss,” came a hesitant voice from one of the dogs. Shikamaru didn’t know which one, and he really didn’t care. Curious as to what the silver-haired nin was after, he listened to Kakashi giving his pack instructions. 

“Genma is over there,” he began, pointing across the field. “I think he could use your company.” 

Shikamaru watched two of the hounds sprint towards Genma immediately, the rest of the pack shifting in hesitation. A dog with long ears and pronounced whiskers spoke up as he reluctantly began making his way toward the clearing.

“Boss, he stinks like cigarettes.”

_And you stink like dogs._

Shikamaru fell in step with Kakashi as they trailed behind the pack. 

“Senpai,” he began with a drawl, “does this have something to do with the rumors I’ve been hearing all day?”

Kakashi sighed next to him. “Probably.” 

They were finally within earshot of Genma, who was now rocking one of the smaller dogs like a baby and sing-songing to him.

_Oh, man, he’s completely plastered._

“I’m gonna cook him up and feed him to his birds,” Genma sang, before setting down the dog with a pat to the head. Shikamaru shared a glance with Kakashi and Genma flopped sideways, burying his face in another ninken’s side. “A-ki-no-saaaan,” he babbled on, rubbing the side of his face against the clearly uncomfortable dog. “You’re so soft,” he murmured, shoulders shaking with a repressed sob. 

“So soft,” he whispered, voice thick with emotion. “So pure. You’re all too good for this world!” Genma fell to the ground with a thud as the hound supporting him moved away, completely unnerved by the human’s behavior. Genma pushed himself back up, looking around. 

“Guruko?” he asked. “Where’s Guruko? Where did Urushi go?” Latching onto the long ears of the whiskered dog from before, he started singing again. 

“Floopy, floopy, floopy ears.” 

“Uh, Kakashi-senpai,” Shikamaru muttered to the man beside him. “Should we take him to the hospital?”

“I wonder,” the silver-haired man replied in a low voice. “He hasn’t gotten this drunk since Sandaime-sama died.”

Shikamaru processed the information as he watched Genma plant a sloppy kiss on top of another dog’s head.

“Genma,” Kakashi said, capturing the other man’s attention. Genma gazed up at his friend, absently petting the small dog now sitting in his lap. 

“‘Kashi,” the man greeted. “I’m so glad you’re here. You’ll help me feed Aoba to his birds, right?”

Genma looked at Kakashi, earnest and hopeful. Kakashi hummed noncommittally, eyeing a nearby pile of used cigarettes. 

“Genma,” he started, crouching down in front of his friend, “can you try to metabolize some of the alcohol?”

“Don’t wanna,” the older man pouted, “my headache will come back.”

_Ah, so he was drinking to get rid of a headache. It must’ve been one hell of a headache for him to get this troublesome._

“Please,” the Copy-nin asked, “for me?”

Shikamaru watched Genma’s brows furrow as he considered the request. He saw the other man raise his hands to form a few signs before holding his suddenly glowing hands to his right side. The haze in his eyes cleared up gradually, until he suddenly stopped and looked at Kakashi.

“Sorry,” he said in a low voice, “that’s about all I can do right now.” Shikamaru finally closed the remaining distance to his mentors, nodding to the man on the ground. 

“Before we get started,” Genma spoke quietly, “I wanted to run an idea by you, Kakashi. I’d like your help too, Shikamaru.”

_What a damn drag._

“I had an idea of how we can extend our revenge on Raido and Aoba to the rest of the ninja corps,” he continued, looking Kakashi in the eyes, “but it’s probably going to make you more than a little uncomfortable.”

“Ah,” Kakashi agreed, “I had a similar idea.” Shikamaru tensed slightly as two sets of eyes looked at him.

“Fine,” he sighed, “I’ll go along with whatever troublesome scheme you two come up with.”

Sitting down, he listened to the two jounin explain the truth behind the stories he’d heard about and helped them plan through their retribution.

_What a goddamn drag._

  
  
  
  



	10. I Didn't Hate It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma and Kakashi set out to toy with the ninja corps, but things get entirely out of hand much quicker than they expected.

The plan was alarmingly simple, but would almost certainly be effective.

_As long as I can keep this stupid crush a secret, anyway._

They were going to use their recently-developed habit of being caught in compromising positions to toy with the entire ninja corps. They would occasionally draw attention to themselves by saying or doing things that were innocent enough, but easily misinterpreted. They would lull everyone into thinking the whole thing had just been one big misunderstanding. Then, they would ‘get caught in the act.’ They weren’t _really_ going to have sex, Kakashi had been assured, just do enough to make it convincing for whatever poor bastards Shikamau sent after them. Shikamaru’s role was to help them spread false trails and conflicting information. 

The amount of interest in who was the ‘bottom’ between them was obscene, in Kakashi’s opinion, so they had decided to play into that curiosity. In one apartment, some unfortunate soul would witness Genma screwing Kakashi at the same time that a different unfortunate soul would witness Kakashi screwing Genma in the other apartment. 

_Nidaime-sama must be rolling in his grave at how his jutsu is going to be used._

In public, they would alternate between acting as they always have and acting like lovers. If someone directly approached them about it, they would refuse to confirm or deny anything and send the poor sucker to the other person. 

Their plan was to be put into full effect as soon as he got to the bar. Kakashi stood in front of his bathroom mirror, examining his reflection. 

_I can do this. Just act normal, but throw in a comment here, a look there. Just make sure only a couple of people at a time notice._

Kakashi slapped his cheeks lightly before leaving the bathroom to get dressed in his uniform. Casting a final glance around the room, he hopped up onto the windowsill and ducked out of the window, heading towards the bar. 

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- ----- 

Genma POV

  
  


He knew when Kakashi entered the bar, because everyone suddenly stopped talking, then dissolved into whispers. Genma felt more than a few pairs of eyes focus on him as he finished off the last of his drink. 

_They could at least attempt to be subtle, seeing as how they all call themselves ‘shinobi.’_

Kakashi slid into the booth next him, handing him another drink. He flashed a light smile at his friend in thanks, suppressing an eye roll at the bits of conversation he overheard. He watched Ebisu study the pair, trying to decipher the two nin before him. A sudden hand in his hair startled Genma, causing the brunette to flinch in surprise.

“Your hair is getting long,” Kakashi stated, fingertips brushing the fringe poking out from underneath the tie of Genma’s forehead protector. Genma crossed his eyes slightly, trying to follow the movement. Kakashi abruptly pulled his hand away, and Genma let out a small breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

“It hasn’t started bothering me yet,” Genma replied, “and I keep forgetting to go get it cut.”

“Hm,” Kakashi answered, and Genma started in on his new drink. 

_This is gonna be a long night._

  
  


\----- ----- -----

It had been almost a month since they started their prank. A very slight majority of the ranks was convinced that the rumors had just been made up. This was largely the result of a couple of well-timed fakeouts. The first had been when Shinobu hid outside Kakashi’s window to spy on them, overhearing Genma say “Kakashi, it’s too tight.” He’d jumped in front of the window, only to see Genma trying to loosen his hair from a hair tie. The second fakeout victim was Iwashi, who had heard a crash down the hall from the mission office and went to investigate. He had stopped outside the door, drawing a kunai when he heard Kakashi say “Genma, do you want the whole building to hear?” He’d burst into the room, yelling “Oi, this is a public pl-” cutting himself off as he saw the pair looking through a box of files. 

The very slight majority of the ranks that still believed the two were seeing each other had their own evidence. Naruto had gone to Kakashi’s apartment, looking for him on a day that he was later than usual for training, only to find his sensei laying almost completely on top of Genma, face buried in the crook of Genma’s neck, both of them seemingly naked. He’d let out the beginnings of a squwak before cutting himself off, unaware that the jounin were not actually asleep. 

People were starting to become aggressive in their questioning. Genma had felt more than one Yamanaka try to invade his mind, but he had been able to somehow throw them out as they were nowhere near Ino’s skill level. He knew for a fact that Kiba had been sniffing around them, but they had already anticipated and prepared for that by making their scents match as closely as possible. Genma had learned from Bisuke that they already smelled really similar, which the man had found kind of charming, in its own way. 

The bickering amongst the shinobi ranks was almost to its peak, and Genma expected Shikamaru’s signal to come any day. 

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Kakashi POV

  
  


It turned out that today was that day. Kakashi watched Shikamaru from the opposite side of the bar. Kakashi stood up, laying a few bills on the table.

“Mah,” he addressed his friends, “I think I’m gonna head out now. Bye.” He threw a wave over his shoulder, hearing Genma give his own excuse before the door closed. He ducked into a dark alley, creating a Shadow Clone, and rushed to Genma’s apartment while his Clone rushed to his own.

_I wonder who’s going to ‘catch’ us this time. Whoever it is, they’re certainly going to get a show._

He leapt into Genma’s room through the open window, not bothering to suppress his chakra. Within a few minutes, Genma arrived, and there was an awkward pause. 

“Ano,” Kakashi began, “how exactly are we going to go about this?”

_Well, I guess there’s no backing out now._

Genma stepped forward slowly, putting his senbon and forehead protector on his desk. He sat on the edge of his bed and started undoing his leg wrappings. Kakashi mimicked his actions, trying not to show how nervous he was.

“We face the headboard,” Genma started quietly, “that way whoever is at the window won’t see your face. Kneel behind me, like when Aoba and Raido surprised us on our last mission together.”

_You mean the time I almost put my hand down your pants?_

“I’ll essentially be straddling you backwards. I’ll try to make enough noise to cover up the lack of actual sex sounds,” Genma met Kakashi’s eyes then, the kindness in them momentarily flooring him. “I know this is going to be extremely uncomfortable, but we’re running out of time if we’re going to do this.”

Kakashi nodded, and the two quickly stripped to their underwear, climbing into the bed. 

“Ah, Kakashi?” Genma hesitated. “I hate to bring this up, but if my body starts reacting..” he trailed off, looking at the wall in front of him. Kakashi’s eyes widened slightly before he relaxed.

“It’s okay,” he assured his friend. “I know you don’t have any control over it.”

Genma visibly relaxed, and Kakashi moved behind the other man, arranging the blankets to cover most of their lower halves. Genma’s weight settled over him. Kakashi lifted his hands, unsure of where to put them. Genma grabbed Kakashi’s wrists, placing one hand at his waist and curling the other under his arm to grip at his shoulder. Kakashi flexed his hips up experimentally. 

_Okay, there’s enough room for me to- holy shit he’s starting. Right, I have to do my part. It’s not a big deal, just pretending to have sex with one of my best friends. Who I just happen to have a crush on. Completely normal, everyday occurre- oh fuck he’s making noises now! I mean I knew he would, but still..._

Kakashi let out a grunt, hoping that would suffice until he had a better idea of what to do. Genma grabbed hold of the headboard with one hand, pushing his weight against Kakashi. 

“Harder,” he whispered, startling Kakashi. “We aren’t making enough noise. I can still hear the fabric shifting.”

Kakashi complied, exaggerating his breathing into a loud pant. He watched the headboard thump against the wall repeatedly, vaguely wondering how much of his deposit Genma would forfeit if it left a dent. He felt two chakra signatures flare across the street a split second before Genma reached back to thread his hand into Kakashi’s hair. 

“Touch me,” Genma murmured, “You need to move your hands more or put your mouth on me or something. When they get closer, pull one of my knees to the side. Wait a few seconds after me before you pretend to cum.”

Kakashi ran his hand up Genma’s back and around his waist as the unknown shinobi approached, hiding in the tree outside Genma’s window.

_They aren’t even trying to hide their chakra signatures. Must be chunin..._

Remembering his instructions, Kakashi unwound his other hand from Genma’s shoulder and pulled at his friend’s knee. Genma flung his head back onto Kakashi’s shoulder with a loud moan.

_That doesn’t sound right at all. Damn, this is a lot of work._

“Genma,” Kakashi panted, loud enough for their audience to hear, “hold up your hair for me.”

Genma did so without question, and Kakashi was relieved that he didn’t have to explain what he was about to do. Before he could think about it too much, Kakashi leaned his head forward and pressed his tongue against the sensitive spot on Genma’s neck.

“Hng!” Genma tipped his head forward slightly. “Again!”

Kakashi repeated the action, and a violent shudder made its way down Genma’s back. Inspired, Kakashi latched on to the same spot and began lavishing it with open-mouthed kisses. Genma let go of his hair, dropping his hand to his lap.

_Okay, he’s pretending to jerk himself off now, so we should be through any minute now..._

Keeping one arm securely around Genma’s waist, Kakashi moved Genma’s hair with his free hand and sucked. Genma arched back into him with a particularly loud groan. Kakashi repeated the action absentmindedly, Genma getting louder, until Kakashi was abruptly pulled from his thoughts by his name. 

“Ka-Kashi- I’m-” 

_That sounds so much better than before. I’m glad my idea worked. Shit, what’s that thing the guy always says in Icha Icha? Ah- that’s right!_

“Genma,” Kakashi panted, “come for me.”

“Hah!” Genma jolted in Kakashi’s arms, head falling back. Kakashi waited a few seconds before jerking his hips against Genma with a groan he hoped sounded convincing. He felt the chakra signatures quickly disappear and slowly took his arm back, smoothing Genma’s hair back into place. He moved off of the bed to start putting his clothes back on. He had put his pants and masked undershirt back on before he realized that Genma hadn’t moved. 

“Genma?” 

  
  


\----- ----- -----

Genma POV

  
  


“Genma?”

_Fuck, fuck, fuck. What do I do?! I wasn’t supposed to cum for real!_

“Genma? Are you alright? They’re gone now...”

Genma stayed frozen in place, staring wide-eyed at his white-knuckled grip on the headboard. 

_What the fuck do I do?! He’s going to smell me soon, if he hasn't already. What in the actual fuck was that just now?!_

“Ah, Genma,” Kakashi hesitated. _Fuck, fuck he knows!_ Genma turned his head away from his friend as he spoke his next words. “I can smell you…”

“Sorry,” Genma winced, “I didn’t expect that to happen.”

_Please don’t hate me, please don’t hate me…_

“I didn’t either,” Kakashi said, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. “I just thought it didn’t sound right when you were faking, so…”

_Find a joke, find a joke, brush it off._

“I’m sorry my acting wasn’t up to your standards,” Genma said with forced sarcasm. He felt the bed shift beside him and flinched when Kakashi laid his hand overtop the one still holding the bed frame in a death grip. He let Kakashi pry his hand from the creaky wood. He felt the press of fingertips against the inside of his wrist.

‘ _It’s okay. Promise.’_

Genma didn’t move, reluctant to believe his friend. The bed shifted again and Kakashi pulled Genma into a hug. 

“Kakashi” Genma struggled, eyes darting down in alarm. Both men stilled as the memories from their Shadow Clones flooded in. 

_Great, as if this isn’t uncomfortable enough already._

Genma sighed and rested his chin on Kakashi’s shoulder. 

“I can already hear people talking about my ‘oral fixation,’” he joked lightly, bringing one hand- the clean one- up to rub small circles into Kakashi’s back. His face twitched slightly as the Clone’s sensory input faded from his actual body. Fighting the urge to wipe his face, Genma tapped against Kakashi’s shoulder. 

‘ _You okay?’_

When Kakashi didn’t answer, Genma said quietly, “I’m going to go clean up. Take your time, Kakashi.” He carded a hand through Kakashi’s hair before extracting himself from the man’s embrace to go shower. By the time he returned, Kakashi was gone, a folded piece of paper on his pillow the only indication he had been there at all. 

‘ _Dinner tomorrow after training, my apartment.’_

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Shikamaru POV

  
  


“- it, I swear! I know what I saw! If you don’t believe me, ask Tokuma!”

“You have bandages covering your eyes, fuckwad! Besides, everyone already knows Genma-senpai has an oral fixation. But, I heard from a reliable source that Kakashi-san was screwing Genma-senpai into his own mattress last night.”

“Fuck you, I AM a reliable source!”

“Aagh! I can’t take it anymore! Oi, Shikamaru! You’re close to them, right? Which one do you think is taking it up the ass?”

_Why did I agree to this?_

“I don’t care,” Shikamaru groaned.

“My bet is that it’s Shiranui. I trust Shimon.”

“I really don’t care,” Shikamaru groaned. 

_I knew I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed this morning. How long are those two going to drag this out, anyway? This prank is getting to be too troublesome. Man, I just wish I was a cloud…_

\----- ----- -----

He had barely arrived on the training grounds when Genma put him in a headlock.

“Next time, don’t send a Hyuga after us,” he groused in Shikamaru’s ear, pulling at the younger man’s cheek with his free hand. “We were almost found out and had to do something for real. If one more person asks me about my ‘oral fixation,’ I’m gonna kick your ass.”

Shikamaru’s eyes widened as Genma finally let go of him. He quickly hid his surprise and managed to look apologetic. Genma held his stern expression for a few more seconds before sighing.

_He sounds exhausted. Now that I’m looking at him up close, he looks like shit._

“Senpai,” Shikamaru hesitated, “are you alright?” 

“Ah,” Genma smiled, and the shadow-nin noted how it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m just tired.”

_Bullshit._

His thoughts must have leaked through to his face, because Genma’s pathetic excuse for a smile fell. He seemed to struggle with something before speaking again.

“I’ll be alright,” he said quietly, his gaze turning thoughtful. There was a spark in the older man’s eyes. 

“Do you know any of the codes from the Third War?” he asked suddenly. 

“I picked up a few of the written phrases from one of my dad’s files,” Shikamaru answered, suspicious of where Genma was taking this.

“I’ll teach you the rest,” Genma said, pulling out a blank scroll as he sat down. Shikamaru sat down opposite him as the man continued. “My generation was the last to learn this, and none of the other villages ever fully decoded it. There’s a nonverbal version too, you’ve probably noticed some of the older nin use it.” 

Genma searched his pockets for a pen as he spoke. Finally finding one, he began scribbling out the code and explaining variations of it. Shikamaru recognized some of the markings from papers that had been in his dad’s study when he was younger. Genma began tapping against corresponding characters. Shikamaru’s eyes widened as he recognized a pattern his dad had once tapped repeatedly in his sleep.

‘ _Ambush.’_

They spent the next hour and a half on the defunct code, Shikamaru’s memory speeding the process along. When they decided to call it a day, Genma tasked Shikamaru with eavesdropping on some of the older generations.

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Kakashi POV

  
  


Kakashi was lounging on his bed, reading _Icha Icha Violence_ for the fifty-seventh time, when Genma ducked through his open window. 

“Yo,” Kakashi greeted, forcing a normalcy he didn’t feel. “How did it go with Shikamaru?”

Genma toed off his shoes and shrugged out of his flak jacket. “I told him not to send any more Hyuga after us and threatened to kick his ass if I heard another ‘oral fixation’ joke,” Genma drawled around his senbon. He sat on the edge of the bed next to Kakashi, turning the book in Kakashi’s hands to see the cover before continuing. “By the way,” he said, “I taught Shikamaru that defunct code from the Third War today, so be careful about using it around him.”

Kakashi hummed in agreement, distracted by the fact that Genma wasn’t acting any differently toward him after last night. 

_Maybe he’s trying to pretend like it never happened? No, he wouldn’t have mentioned Tokuma if he was trying to avoid it. Maybe he’s waiting for me to bring it up…_

Kakashi jerked back to the world around him as Genma’s stomach growled. He turned to look at the other man just in time to see the faint blush develop on the other man’s cheeks. 

“Mah, Genma,” Kakashi teased, “you’re blushing.”

Kakashi watched with increasing amusement as the flush spread. Genma pulled his senbon out of his mouth with one hand, grabbing Kakashi’s chin with the other. Before Kakashi could react, the other man blew into his ear using a small amount of chakra. Kakashi hunched his shoulders and scrunched his face reflexively. 

_At least it wasn’t wind chakra._

“Ba-ka-shi,” Genma patted his masked cheek with amusement in his voice. Kakashi brought a hand up to cover Genma’s against his cheek.

“You know,” Kakashi began slowly, “you’re the only person alive I’ll let call me that.”

He saw Genma’s brows raise in surprise from the corner of his eye. He felt Genma’s thumb sweep under his eye, as if wiping away nonexistent tears. 

“Come on,” Genma said softly. “I’m hungry.”

_Right. Dinner. Food. Eating._

They headed into Kakashi’s kitchen. He’d already prepared the vegetables to be cooked and put on the rice. Genma went into Kakashi’s living room and picked up a book off the shelf, giving Kakashi room to work freely. 

Genma’s voice floated to the kitchen from the other room. “I’m surprised none of the pack are here. I was kind of hoping I would be able to apologize to them for last time. I think I scarred Guruko for life.”

Kakashi let out a chuckle at the memory of his pack complaining about their treatment from a drunk Genma. 

_I guess now is as good a time as any to bring it up. Hopefully the food will keep him from bolting before I’m finished._

Kakashi put two bowls of rice and vegetables together, bringing them out into the other room. He put one bowl in front of Genma, produced two sets of chopsticks, and sat down opposite his friend. Pulling his mask down, he gave a quick thank you and spoke with purposeful calm.

“About that,” he said conversationally, “I think Akino is afraid of you now. That isn’t why they aren’t here, though.” Genma raised his brow in askance as he lifted a piece of carrot to his mouth. 

“I wanted to talk to you,” Kakashi continued, avoiding his friend’s eyes. “About last night.” 

“Which part?” Genma asked around a mouth full of rice. 

“What happened with the Clones.”

Genma swallowed his food. “I know that wasn’t part of the plan,” Genma began, regret leaking into his voice, “but that was the best thing I could think of at the time. If I had know-”

“I didn’t hate it,” Kakashi whispered, cutting off the worried monologue. 

_Because it was you._

“Kakashi,” Genma shook his head, “you don’t have to pretend that you-”

“Genma,” Kakashi looked up, “I thought I would hate it, but I didn’t. The only way I can describe it is like this: I don't know that I would ever ask for it, and the thought of anyone else but you doing that to me makes me nauseous. But, if you wanted to do that again, I think I would be okay with that.” 

_You idiot! You essentially just told him you love him! There’s no way he won’t figure it out, he’s not an idiot!_

Kakashi watched Genma struggle to process everything that had just been dumped on him. He saw the emotions play out on his friend’s face. First there was relief, followed by confusion, then chased by surprise and understanding, and coming to rest on embarrassment. He saw the other man’s face redden for the second time in the span of an hour before the tokujo smothered his blush. 

“Oh,” was all he said, barely audible even to Kakash’s heightened hearing. 

_That’s it? That’s it?! ‘Oh?!’ What the hell is ‘oh’ supposed to mean?!_

The two continued eating in awkward silence. Neither moved, even after they finished eating. 

Cutting into the silence, Genma whispered “I’ll do the dishes.” He stood up slowly, collecting both sets of bowls and chopsticks, and padded silently into the kitchen. Kakashi listened to the faucet being turned on and the occasional clank of ceramic with closed eyes. He left his eyes closed as Genma appeared in the doorway with a subtle flare of his chakra. He seemed to hesitate for a moment in indecision, then slowly made his way behind Kakashi and sat down. 

Legs stretched out beside his own, and Kakashi felt Genma’s fingertips at the bottom of his forehead protector before the fabric was pushed off his head. Kakashi’s eyes opened briefly as Genma started rubbing methodical circles into his scalp before closing his eyes again, the tension easing out of his body in degrees. 

It wasn’t an ‘ _I_ _love you.’_ It hardly counted as an acknowledgement of the earlier conversation, really, but that didn’t matter. They had both spent their lives looking underneath the underneath, after all, and actions always said more than words ever could. 

The words would probably never come, but they didn’t have to. 


	11. I'm Not A Mind-Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma returns from a brief mission to the funniest thing he's seen in months. Unfortunately, Kakashi doesn't think it's all that amusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I've uploaded, but here's one chapter, and I have more on the way.
> 
> Disclaimer: There is a mention of non-explicit sex in this chapter, so skip Aoba's POV if you don't want to read that. 
> 
> Also, there may be a chapter or two with explicit sex, but I won't post it unless someone is interested. If I do end up posting it, I may make it a separate work so people who don't want to read it don't have to navigate around it.

“What makes you think you know him so well, huh?!” the girl screamed, becoming more and more unhinged with every passing second. The few remaining conversations halted as patrons stopped feigning disinterest. Several shinobi reached for their weapons pouches, and the bartender narrowed her eyes. Ibiki held his breath as he waited for Kakashi’s response.

_What have you gotten yourself into this time, Genma?_

A slight movement caught Ibiki’s attention as the door opened and Shikamaru entered the bar with Genma in tow. The woman carried on, back turned to the door, too engrossed in yelling at Kakashi to pay anything else attention. The pair silently made their way to Ibiki’s side, chakras suppressed, raising their brows in a single, silent question.

‘ _What’s going on over there?’_

Before Ibiki could answer, the girl shrieked again.

“A friend-killer like you has no right to be with someone as kind as Genma-san!” the girl carried on. 

_Oh, it’s been a long time since he was called that to his face. I almost feel bad for Hatake._

Ibiki’s eyes narrowed as Genma eyed his drink longingly. He silently pushed the half-empty glass towards his friend in resignation.

_Go ahead. I get the feeling you'll need it soon._

Genma downed the drink quickly, barely swallowing the liquid before the hysterical woman gained momentum.

“It’s just horrible that an old man like you would take advantage of someone so innocent!”

Ibiki raised an eyebrow in disbelief. Out of the corner of his eye, Ibiki saw a muscle in Genma’s face twitch.

“He deserves someone who can make him happy! Someone who can give him a family!”

Ibiki watched a hand come up to Genma’s mouth as his shoulders began shaking with silent laughter.

_I’m surprised he hasn’t made some shitty joke yet. Shouldn’t one of them say something, especially if they're trying to convince the ranks that they’re together? Or if not, this would be a good time to end this charade._

Ibiki knew the basics of their plan. Hell, he’d helped Genma flesh out the details of his plan the day those rumors started. Genma had stalked into his office asking if there were any prisoners he could torture and nearly thrown a tantrum when Ibiki told him there wasn’t anyone like that at the moment. He’d forgotten how unsettling the assassin could be at times.

“His poor parents will be heartbroken to hear they won’t have grandchildren! What will they say when they find out their clan will die out?!”

Genma’s senbon clattered to the floor as his legs gave out, the soft thud of his knees hitting the floor drowned out by the sudden uncontrollable laughter echoing around the room. 

_Jeez, read the room already!_

“I-wonder-what!” he wheezed, lifting a hand to grab the edge of the table.

“Genma-san?” the girl asked, suddenly looked unsure of herself. “Why are you laughing?”

Genma collapsed to the floor, clutching his stomach as he shrieked out around his laughter. 

“MY-PARENTS-ARE-FUCKING-DEAD!” 

Genma gulped in a mouthful of air, trying to catch his breath. Ibiki heard Aoba’s voice from Kakashi’s table.

“I told you he needed another fucking psych eval,” the man said to Raido. This only served to renew Genma’s laughter, the man slapping his palm against the floor. 

_‘It hurts. Make it stop.’_

Ibiki heard Shikamaru sigh next to him.

“Tch, troublesome” he groused, kicking the man lightly in the ribs. Slowly, the laughter subsided and Genma pushed himself to his feet. He stared at the girl, a slight furrow appearing in his brow. She shifted her weight.

“I”m sorry,” Genma said after nearly a full minute of tense silence. “Have we met?”

_You mean you don’t even know this person?! I guess that explains why she said some of those things to Kakashi… She looks like she’s going to die of embarrassment, poor kid. Then again, she’s the one who started yelling at one of the village’s best ninja in a public place._

The girl didn’t answer, and Genma turned to Ibiki. 

“Thanks for the drink,” he said, “I’ll have Ayano-san put it on my tab.” 

  
  


\----- ----- -----

Kakashi POV

  
  
  


Kakashi’s eyes followed Genma as he knelt to pick up his fallen senbon, stuffing it in his shuriken holster and withdrawing a fresh one from his leg wrappings. A glass shattered across the room and the familiar voice of his teammate rang out.

“So you’ll put one of those things in your mouth after it’s been in someone’s brain,” Sakura exclaimed in outrage, “but not once it’s touched the floor?!”

The girl that had stormed in claiming she was going to take Genma away from him made a face.

“Is that true?” she asked in disbelief.

Genma looked between the two women, confused. 

“The floor is dirty,” he said by way of explanation. 

“AND GRAY MATTER ISN’T?!” Sakura screeched.

“I wiped most of it off,” he returned defensively. 

“Senpai,” Shikamaru drawled, “that’s unsettling.”

“THAT’S WHAT I SAID!” Sakura yelled, shaking her fist. Genma put his thumb against his fingers a few times in a ‘blah blah blah’ motion and moved toward Kakashi’s table. The girl flinched away as Genma brushed past her, clearly disturbed. 

“Move over, old man,” Genma teased, pushing his palm against Kakashi’s head. He heard Aoba snicker over the returning chatter in the bar.

“If you’re calling him old,” Aoba jibed, “what does that make you?”

“Ah,” Raido quipped, jumping on the chance to tease his best friend. “That would make him ancient, I think.”

“What,” the girl spoke up, “do you mean?”

Aoba cackled and pointed at Genma.

“That pretty-boy bastard,” he said gleefully, sliding his arm to point at Kakashi, “is older than this pretty-boy bastard. Only this one keeps his face covered so most people don’t know that he’s really a pretty-faced little shit.”

“You know,” Genma chimed in, “this would stop happening as much if you just dyed your hair.”

Kakashi shot Raido a pleading look.

“Guys,” Raido piped up. “Leave him alone. He can’t help it if his hair is stupid.”

Kakashi glared at the traitor. A slight movement made him redirect his glare.

_What is that annoying girl still doing here? Go away already!_

She caught his glare, apparently realizing she’d made a mistake, and quickly turned to leave. 

“What did you even do to make that girl barge in here and challenge Kakashi?” Raido asked, addressing the lingering tension around the table.

“I have no fucking idea,” Gema snorted, “I’ve never seen that kid before in my life. I guess I’m not the only one who needs a psych exam, though at least I’m not overdramatic.”

“I’ll ask around and find out who she is,” Aoba assured them. “Someone like that will end up getting themselves or others killed on a mission.”

“Still though,” Genma said, faint amusement tingeing his voice despite the serious concerns. “I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard. Now I feel even more justified in my decision to never have kids.”

“You sound really sure about that,” Kakashi said, trying not to let his own insecurities shine through. 

_He would be a good father, even if he says he doesn’t like kids. There’s no denying that I could never give him that…_

“Yeah,” Raido interjected, “I know babies freak you out, but ‘never’ is a long time.”

Genma smirked. “Well, I hate to deprive you of more copies of me, but I made sure the Shiranui line would die with me before I joined ANBU.”

Three sets of eyes looked at Genma in surprise. 

_He had a vasectomy? That_ _young?_

“You never told me that,” Raido said conversationally. 

“Well, I kind of thought the war going on was more important,” Genma said, reaching for Kakashi’s drink. 

_Fair enough, though you would think it would have come up at least once in the last twenty years._

“Anyway,” he carried on, “if I want a kid, I could adopt. It’s not like there’s ever a shortage of kids whose parents don’t make it.”

Kakashi understood where Genma was coming from, having been one of those kids as well. 

“Well, that’s enough about that,” Aoba interjected before they had enough time to get depressed. “More importantly, you’ve been avoiding me for the last month, and I demand some fucking answers.”

_Oh boy, here it comes._

“First of all,” he continued, looking between Genma and Kakashi, “how long have you two really been together?”

Kakashi sighed and turned to Genma. 

“Do you think it’s time we come clean?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Genma answered, “we probably should before this joke gets even more convoluted.”

Turning back to a puzzled Aoba, Kakashi confessed, “we were never actually together.”

“The past month and a half has just been us fucking with the corps, since you had to go and start some bullshit rumor based on a misunderstanding,” Genma added. 

“That was a bit far to go for a prank,” Raido pointed out. 

“So the whole thing was an act?” Aoba asked, unconvinced.

“Mah,” Kakashi waved his hand ambiguously. “Some of it was real.”

“Yeah,” Genma snorted, “I really was planning on feeding Aoba to his birds.”

_That, and the part where I love you._

Raido narrowed his eyes on Kakashi.

_Shit._

Genma noticed the stare and glanced at Kakashi, senbon swishing nervously. They hadn’t discussed how much they were willing to reveal to their friends. 

“Ah,” Kakashi hesitated, rubbing the back of his head, “well, you see, Shikamaru sent a Hyuga after us, so we had to adjust the plan a bit…”

There was a brief pause, and then Aoba chuckled.

“So,” he snickered around his glass, “the part about Genma’s ‘oral fixation’ was true, at least.”

The spot next to Kakashi was vacated instantly, and he registered Genma’s voice across the bar.

“That’s it!” the man yelled. “Shikamaru, I’m kicking your ass!”

The shadow-nin looked alarmed as he brought his hands to his chest and dissolved into shadow a split second before a kunai embedded itself in the wall behind where his head had been. Genma stalked back to the rest of his friends, chewing on the metal in his mouth loudly. Raido put a fist to his mouth to smother his chuckles, but Aoba made no attempts to disguise his mirth. 

“Traitors,” Genma said with a dirty look at his friends. Kakashi nodded his head in agreement, remembering the earlier insult to his hair. 

“I’m leaving,” Genma said grumpily. 

“You’ve been here ten minutes,” Aoba snorted.

“Yeah,” Genma groused, “and I’m damned tired. I feel like I need a shower after listening to that brat from earlier.”

Raido grimaced. “Fair enough. We’ll let you know if we find out anything about her.”

Genma nodded his head and disappeared in a swirl of leaves. 

“I should probably go soon too,” Kakashi said. “I want to catch Genma before he’s asleep so we can figure out what to tell Shikamaru tomorrow.”

Finishing off his drink and putting some cash on the table to cover his tab, Kakashi left the bar with a wave over his shoulder to his friends. Once outside, he took to the rooftops, running in the opposite direction of his own apartment. His excuse to leave hadn’t necessarily been a lie, it had just been one version of the truth. They really did need to corroborate their stories, after all, but it wasn’t so time sensitive that Kakashi needed to rush to Genma’s apartment. 

The main reason he ran to the other man’s apartment was because that annoying brat at the bar earlier had managed to hit every single one of his insecurities right on target. He knew it was unreasonable. He knew he didn’t have anything to worry about, really. He knew that kid never had a chance with Genma to begin with. 

But Kakashi needed reassurance. They hadn’t talked about it, and nothing had really changed between them. He’d been on a mission until two days ago, and he’d gone to Genma’s place after debriefing Tsunade, only to find out the other man was away on his own mission. Two weeks apart had been just enough time for Kakashi to start doubting himself.

He dropped down onto the small ledge outside of Genma’s living room window and let himself in. He couldn’t sense Genma’s chakra, which wasn’t unusual in itself as the man normally kept it suppressed, but he could smell that the man was home. He heard a noise from the bathroom and made his way over to it. He stopped outside the door, not sure if he should knock or just leave, when Genma’s voice called out.

“It’s okay, Kakashi,” he said. “You can come in if you want.”

Kakashi stepped into the room hesitantly and shut the door behind himself. He stood awkwardly with his arms at his sides. Genma was laying in his bathtub with his arms behind his head, up to his neck in steaming water. He turned an inquisitive look on Kakashi, silently asking why the man was in his bathroom. 

_Shit, I didn’t think this far ahead. I thought he would be taking a shower and I wouldn’t have to look at him._

He’d waited too long to give an acceptable answer. Genma’s brows pulled in confusion.

“Do you want to get in?” he asked slowly. Kakashi thought about it for a moment then nodded his head and began stripping off his uniform. Genma sat up slightly to make room for his guest and closed his eyes once he’d resettled. Kakashi stepped into the tub and sat down facing away from the other man.

_Well, here goes nothing, I guess…_

He leaned back against the other man, who stiffened briefly in surprise before relaxing again. When he wasn’t pushed away, Kakashi settled his weight fully against Genma and leaned his head back on the man’s shoulder. 

_He’s not doing anything. Why is he just sitting there?_

Kakashi turned his face away from Genma, leaving his neck exposed in invitation. 

_Come on, do something! Why aren’t you taking the bait?_

A few more moments passed without Genma moving, and Kakashi began to get annoyed. 

_Why won’t you say anything? Why won’t you do something?_

He moved his hands from their resting spot across his stomach to the tops of Genma’s thighs. He started rubbing circles on the man’s inner thighs with his thumbs. Still, Genma didn’t react. He started moving his hands up Genma’s legs, determined to get a reaction. His hands had barely begun their journey when Genma’s own closed over them, stopping him in his tracks. 

_Finally, something!_

Kakashi waited for the brunette to ask him what he was doing, but the question never came. He turned his head to face Genma, putting his face into the older man’s neck. He lightly pressed his lips against the side of Genma’s neck. 

No reaction. 

_Maybe I shouldn’t have come here after all…_

“Why won’t you touch me?” he whispered against Genma’s neck, barely audible even to his own ears. He felt Genma’s pulse quicken against his lips. Kakashi’s hands were squeezed lightly before they were let go of altogether, Genma’s hands hesitantly moving across his stomach until his arms were wrapped tightly around Kakashi. He felt a series of taps against his side.

‘ _I’m sorry. You okay?’_

Kakashi smiled slightly against Genma’s skin.

‘ _I am now.’_

Finally able to concentrate on something other than getting Genma to touch him, Kakashi realized with annoyance that the water was now cold.

“We should get out,” Genma murmured. Kakashi reluctantly agreed, and they exited the bath. Genma handed him a towel and the two dried off.

“Wait here,” Genma said, wrapping a towel around his waist. “I’ll lend you some clothes.” 

Kakashi folded his uniform into a stack while he waited for fresh clothes. When the other man returned, Kakashi was surprised to see a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. He quirked a brow at Genma.

“What?” Genma smirked. “You have somewhere else to be tonight?”

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- ----- 

Aoba POV

  
  


“It’s- _ah_ \- too bad about Genma and Kakashi,” Raido grunted underneath him.

“Ah,” Aoba said dismissively, not interrupting the pace of his hips.

_Why is he bringing up those two now of all times?_

“I mean,” Raido continued, causing Aoba’s rhythm to falter. “That’s pretty far to go for a prank, don’t you think?”

Aoba stilled his hips, dipping his head to glare at the other man. 

“Is there a reason you’re talking about those two while we’re having sex?” Aoba asked flatly. 

Raido’s returning smirk fueled the unease pooling in Aoba’s gut. 

“They aren’t the only ones who can play a prank, are they?” the scarred man asked. He put his hands on Aoba’s hips and flipped him onto his back.

“I think it’s time we got a little revenge of our own,” he said next to Aoba’s ear. 

_Why do I feel like I’m going to die?_

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Genma POV

  
  
  


Genma turned to look as Kakashi came out of the bathroom _._

“Damn,” he breathed, looking at Kakashi’s collar bones peeking out of the v-necked shirt. “You should wear my shirts more often.”

Kakashi stepped fully into the living room with his eyes on the floor. 

_He’s hesitating again._

“Have you eaten, Kakashi?” he called out. The younger man nodded slightly, indicating that he had, in fact, eaten. 

“Would you like some tea?” he tried. Again, Kakashi nodded, and Genma made his way into the kitchen. He set the water on to boil and got two mugs out of a cabinet. He felt Kakashi come up behind him and rest his chin on his shoulder. The kettle started to whistle, and Genma shifted to move away. He felt Kakash’s hands grab the back of his shirt, as if to keep him in place. 

_What’s gotten you so stuck in your head?_

He flicked Kakashi lightly on the nose and said, “I need to get the tea. We have all night for you to cling to me.” 

Kakashi released his shirt and stepped back to give Genma just enough room to maneuver around the kitchen. After pouring the tea, Genma grabbed the steaming mugs and motioned for Kakashi to follow him into the living room. He set the tea on a low table and sat on the couch. He barely had time to lean against the back of the couch when he found himself with a lap full of Kakashi. Arms came around his neck unexpectedly, and Genma tentatively wrapped his own around Kakashi’s back.

“I’m not a mind-reader, Kakashi,” he murmured against the man's shoulder, bringing a hand up to card through silver hair. 

“I know…”

Genma smiled a little and turned to press his lips against Kakashi’s neck. 

“Is this okay?” he asked, unsure of the other man’s boundaries. Genma still wasn’t sure of where Kakashi stood with physical intimacy. Honestly, he wasn’t too sure Kakashi knew where he stood either. Even if he was a special case for the other man, Genma didn’t want to assume that something was okay, only to make Kakashi uncomfortable. 

“Mn,” Kakashi affirmed, and Genma placed another, surer kiss against his neck. He felt an answering kiss on his shoulder.

“The tea is getting cold,” he murmured against Kakashi’s skin. Reluctantly, they untangled themselves and reached for the cooling mugs. Kakashi sat close beside Genma, leaning into him, and Genma put his free hand on Kakashi’s leg. They drank their tea in comfortable silence. 

Kakashi returned their empty mugs to the table and laid down on the couch, resting his head in Genma’s lap. Genma ran a hand through the silver strands with a small smile. He propped his feet on the table and leaned his head back. Within an hour, his breathing had evened out and his hand rested on Kakashi’s head as he slept.

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Shikamaru POV

  
  
  


Shikamaru landed silently outside Genma’s window and looked into the living room, eyes widening briefly behind the deer mask. 

_So that’s what Kakashi-senpai’s face looks like. At least this saves me a trip across the village._

Biting back a sigh, Shikamaru rapped a quick pattern against the window, waking the sleeping shinobi inside. Kakashi sat up, letting Genma move around him to open the window and let in the ANBU. Shikamaru stepped over the windowsill and into the apartment, Genma closing the window behind him.

“Hokage-sama has summoned you both to her office,” Shikamaru relayed dutifully.

“Is it urgent? I need to shave,” Kakashi said, rubbing his bare jaw. 

“I didn’t ask,” Shikamaru said flatly.

“What time is it?” Genma managed around a yawn, looking out the window at the rising sun.

“Too damn early,” Shikamaru groused, moving to the couch and sliding his mask to the side of his head.

_I’ll probably be here for a while. Besides, they already know who I am._

“Genma-senpai, do you have any coffee?”

“Yeah, I’ll make us a pot now,” the man confirmed, moving into the kitchen. “‘Kashi, shaving stuff is in the bathroom cabinet on the right. There should be fresh blades in the little box on the second shelf.”

Kakashi nodded and headed down the hallway. 

“Shikamaru,” Genma called, “have you eaten? I can make breakfast.”

“I’ve eaten,” Shikamaru blanched momentarily at the offer. 

“Okay,” Genma replied, “let me know if you change your mind. How do you want your coffee?”

“Black,” the shadow-nin answered.

Shikamaru closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of Kakashi and Genma bringing him a steaming mug of coffee. He accepted the drink with a grateful smile as Genma disappeared after Kakashi. 

Shikamaru gulped down the brew, ignoring the way it burned his tongue. A few moments later, Kakashi emerged in full uniform and took the empty mug into the kitchen. He returned and sat on the couch, opening a worn-out copy of _Icha Icha Paradise_. A few more minutes went by in silence, and Genma emerged wearing his own uniform. 

Shikamaru stood up, replacing his mask, and followed the older men out the front door. Once they were out of the building, they took to the rooftops and ran to the Hokage Tower. Shikamaru knocked on Tsunade’s door.

“Enter!” came the muted reply.

Shikamaru opened the door to let the other two in, moving to close the door when Tsunade called out, “Shika! You too.”

Shikamaru entered the office, closing the door behind himself.

“You can take off the mask,” Tsunade said, never looking up from her paperwork. Shikamaru removed the deer mask and took stock of who all was in the office. 

_Naruto, Sakura, and Raido are here too. This is too many people for a normal operation..._

“Huh? Shikamaru?” Naruto asked, puzzled. “Since when are you ANBU?” 

_Since three-fourths of the Black-Ops died in the war._

Shikamaru said nothing, and Tsunade interrupted.

“You six leave for the Land of Iron tomorrow,” the blonde said, looking up at last. “The Alliance is meeting to share information and develop a blueprint for reconstruction.”

_Diplomacy, what a drag._

“Kakashi,” the Hokage continued, “you’re team leader this time. Sakura, you’ll oversee a committee on medical development. Naruto, you’ll be shadowing the Kazekage, since he asked for you personally. Any questions?”

“Tsunade-sama,” Raido spoke up, “why are Genma and I going too?”

“Yeah,” Genma added, “the others are more than capable of handling this.”

“I was hoping you two could tell me,” Tsunade eyed the confused shinobi. “The Mizukage asked for you two personally. Iwashi too, really, but he’s already on another mission.”

“Well then I guess we can’t exactly refuse,” Raido said.

“One of the many perks of being able to breathe lava is not having people tell you ‘no,’” Genma concluded, before the pair shuddered slightly in unison. 

“At any rate,” Tsunade continued slowly, “Genma and Kakashi will help declassify ANBU files up to Lord Third’s death. Raido, you'll be with Shikamaru for regular operations.”

The three shinobi nodded their assent.

“Ano-sa, ano-sa,” Naruto looked between Kakashi and Shikamaru. “Why isn’t Shikamaru doing the ANBU thing?”

“I don’t have access to the backlogs,” Shikamaru answered.

“And even if he got ahold of those files anyway,” Genma spoke, “he wouldn’t have enough context to make much sense of them.”

At Naruto’s puzzled expression, Kakashi explained. 

“Those files are heavily edited and coded so that the only people who can fully understand them are the operatives involved.”

“On top of that,” Genma continued, “most of the written records are either completely fabricated, incomplete, or destroyed.” 

“Wait,” Naruto said, concentrating. “Then how are you gonna be able to fill in the blanks, ya know?”

“I think we can manage,” Kakashi said lightly, eyes returning to his book but not reading. Shikamaru saw Genma’s eyes lose focus before his senbon jabbed sharply.

_Did he just stab his tongue?_

Clarity returned to the man’s eyes instantly, and Shikamaru immediately understood.

_It's a bit masochistic, but if it keeps him from dissociating then I have no_ complaints.

  
“Oi, Pincushion!” Sakura chided. “Stop stabbing your tongue! It’s weird!”

“I’ll stop if you dye your hair brown,” Genma drawled. Tsunade sighed and dismissed the group, instructing Raido when and where to pick up the scroll with the files.

_This is gonna be a drag, I just know it. At least Temari should be there._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. I Hope You Choke and Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Konoha delegation arrives in the land of Iron, and Kankuro has to wonder if Kakashi-san and Genma-san are really friends.

“I know I’ve seen him before,” Kitsuchi said quietly from Baki’s other side. He’d been looking at Genma out of the corner of his eye ever since the Leaf shinobi arrived.

“Maybe you crossed paths on a mission before,” Baki suggested.

“The timeline doesn’t add up,” Kitsuchi shook his head. “Maybe it was a relative of his. The surname is the same, after all.”

“You could probably just ask him,” Baki suggested. “He won’t be easily offended.”

Kitsuchi and Kankuro looked questioningly at Baki.

“I fought him once before,” he explained, ”when we tried to invade the Leaf. As it turned out, I had killed one of his oldest friends after he overheard me discussing the invasion plans with our spy. Instead of trying to avenge his friend, he joked that revenge was above his pay grade.”

_What kind of person jokes around in the middle of an invasion?_

“I guess it won’t hurt to ask, then,” Kitsuchi said, before turning away from the Sand shinobi.

“Genma-san,” he called across the room. Genma looked up at the sound of his name and raised a brow in curiosity.

“You said your name was ‘Shiranui,’ right?” Kitsuchi asked, and Genma nodded once in confirmation.

“Do you have any relatives that would have been an assassin within the last thirty or so years?”

“Every Shiranui that’s lived in the past thirty years has been an assassin,” Genma answered. “When exactly did you see them? Was it a man or a woman?”

“The first time was around twenty-five years ago, give or take,” Kitsuchi furrowed his brows in concentration. “I saw them a few times after that. I could never figure out if it was a man or a woman, but they were wearing a yukata every time.”

Genma’s face twisted in confusion briefly before he brought his hands to his chest. A woman bearing a strong resemblance to Genma in an amber yukata appeared with a small puff of smoke, and Genma transformed into a nearly identical-looking man in a nearly identical-looking crimson yukata.

“Did the person you saw look like either of these people?” the brunette on the left asked. Kitsuchi studied the two a moment before shaking his head with a sigh.

“Yes, but they’re so similar that I can’t tell which one,” he said. “It was always dark, and I never wanted to get any closer than I already was. Whichever one uses wind chakra in their weapons.”

Genma poofed back into his original form and eyed the Iwa nin.

“We all do that,” he said. “Did you see what kind of weapon was used?”

“I don’t remember any particular weapons,” Kitsuchi revealed, “but I know I’d recognize the fighting style if I saw it, even though I only ever saw it once.”

“Would it help if you saw it again?” Genma asked. 

“Yes,” the Rock shinobi answered, “I think it would, if you don’t mind.”

Genma turned to Kakashi and tilted his head slightly, and Kakashi nodded. 

“The Hatake fighting style would have the best counter, wouldn’t it?” Kakashi said with a resigned sigh, walking toward a nearby balcony. “At least I know what to expect.”

The pair leapt over the balcony railing, and Kankuro followed the rest of the shinobi to the railing. He took a spot between Sakura and Baki, anticipating the spar. 

_Now that I think about it, I’ve never actually gotten to see Kakashi-san fight._

The two Leaf nin stood facing each other, completely still. Suddenly, they were flung far apart. Both men reached up to compartments on their flack jackets, releasing scrolls. Kakashi crouched in a lunge, throwing his scroll open with one hand. A long scythe appeared in his hand, arcing over his head until it came to rest across his back.

Genma stuffed a scroll in his mouth, leaving one left in each hand. He opened the scroll in his right hand, sending countless blades high into the sky. He flung open the second scroll, producing two tanto, and Kakashi charged. Genma turned to the side, shifting his weight, and kunai began to fall toward him. Outstretched arms lifted and crossed to his right, leaning away from Kakashi.

_What the hell kind of stance is that?_

Genma stepped into a turn with swinging arms, each arc sending wind chaka-enhanced kunai directly to Kakashi. The silver-haired nin deflected the first volley with the scythe, knocking the projectiles to the side. Genma’s movements sped up as the kunai rained down faster, tanto slicing through the air in a whirlwind. Kakashi pressed forward despite the onslaught until the last knife fell from the sky and was hurled in his direction along with the tanto.

Hands finally free, Genma took the remaining scroll from his mouth and opened it, summoning two metal fans as Kakashi advanced. Genma regained his prior stance and resumed the frenzied vortex, spinning almost at an angle as he moved closer to Kakashi. The silver-haired nin dipped back down into a low lunge, spinning his scythe over his head fast enough to leave after-images in an effort to deflect the sharp wind. He swung the scythe as soon as Genma entered the weapon’s range, but Genma blocked the blow with the fans and stepped closer to his opponent.

“Why haven’t they been using ninjutsu?” Sakura asked, mostly to herself.

“This is probably all they can remember,” an older Leaf jounin- _Raido, I think it was-_ began. “They were both orphaned when they were young. Kakashi’s mother died shortly after he was born, and his father commited suicide a little more than a year after we started the Academy. As for Genma, he never knew his father, and his mother was killed in action the day we started classes. Without anyone to teach them properly, they reconstructed what they could from memory, but it’s only a fraction of what their parents were capable of.”

_This is only a reconstruction?!_

“I don’t understand,” Naruto interjected. “Other than Genma-senpai, I’ve never even heard of there being another Shiranui in Konoha.”

“Ah,” Raido hummed, “that’s probably because they were originally from the Land of Whirlpools, before it was destroyed.”

Kankuro watched as Genma broke Kakashi’s scythe in half, swinging the piece with the blade clean through Kakashi’s neck. The Sand nin registered Sakura’s gasp, then sigh of relief as a log caught the blow in Kakashi’s place. Kakashi materialized in a crouch behind Genma, hands clasped in front of his chest.

“What is that hand sign? I’ve never seen it,” Kankuro asked apprehensively.

“That’s not a hand sign,” Sakura answered.

“It’s the Thousand Years of Death!” Naruto exclaimed, hands covering his butt instinctively.

_The what?_

Kankuro saw the trajectory of Kakashi’s hands and comprehension struck him suddenly. Before he could fully register what was about to happen, Genma dipped in a low backbend and grabbed Kakashi’s wrists with one hand, the other going around the man’s throat.

“Ah, I can’t tell what he’s saying!” Naruto complained as Genma’s jaw moved around speech.

“Something vulgar, probably,” Raido said dryly. Kakashi went limp, signifying he had passed out, and Genma draped his comrade’s body over his back before disappearing in a swirl of leaves. He reappeared behind Raido and set Kakashi down gently before plopping onto the floor himself.

“He’s just knocked out,” Genma panted. “He’ll wake up soon.”

“I finally remembered,” Kitsuchi said. “It was whoever used the metal fans, I’m sure of it now.”

“Ah,” Genma pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead as Kakashi stirred slightly. “Then that would have been my mother.” 

“Genma-senpai! Kakashi-senpai!” Akatsuchi rushed forward, a Mist nin named Togetsu nodding emphatically. “You two were so cool!”

“Yeah!” Naruto chimed in, equally awed. “Why haven’t you ever used any of that before, huh?!”

Genma pressed the heel of his other hand to his eye and scoffed. “Because it makes me really dizzy. Shit, I think my brain was rearranged.”

“Mah,” Kakashi groaned, opening his eyes. “Maybe it’ll finally fix your warped personality. Just don’t let Anko hear that you’re into choking.”

“Bakashi,” Genma huffed, causing several sets of eyes to widen at the insult. “It’s supposed to be the one being choked that gets off on it, though you might know that if you stopped reading _Icha Icha_ for the _plot_.”

_How the hell did we even get to this point?! Are these two really even friends?!_

“It’s getting late. Maybe we should call it a day,” Raido suggested, ignoring the bickering shinobi at his feet.

“I agree,” Kitsuchi’s voice rang with authority. “Thank you for the demonstration, Kakashi-san, Genma-san. It was very entertaining.”

The remainder of the crowd began to disperse, and Kankuro headed back to his lodgings after a pleasant conversation with Sakura about poisons. He entered the dark room and shrugged out of the backpack containing his puppet scrolls. He brought a hand up to pull off his hood when he heard a thud and voices in the next room.

“Did you really mean what you said before you knocked me out?”

_Wait, isn’t that Kakashi-san’s voice?_

Kankuro moved silently to the wall and pressed his ear against it, listening to the other man’s conversation.

“Kashi, I was just teasing you.”

_And that’s Genma-san! Wait, did he just call him ‘Kashi?’_

“I know, but I’ve been thinking that I wouldn't mind trying it for real.”

_Damn, I have no frame of reference for their conversation. I can’t make sense of it!_

“I- uh- I’m really fine if that kind of thing never happens, Kakashi. And besides, this is kind of sudden, so I didn’t come prepared.”

_This is starting to piss me off! Stop with the ‘this’ and ‘that’ already!_

“It’s alright, I want to at least try it once. Only if you want to, of course. And I suspected you weren’t thinking about it, so I brought lube. And silencing tags, just in case.”

Kankuro frowned.

_What the hell are they going to do that needs lube and silencing… oh. OH._

“Okay, if you’re really sure about this. I’m going to take a bath, if you want to join me.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes. I want to put up a few tags first.”

Kankuro listened in stunned silence as the sound of running water abruptly cut off. 

_I guess they aren’t really ‘friends’ after all…_

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- 

  
  
  


“Since we’ll already be traveling through Suna on our way back, Kaka-sensei said it was okay for Naruto and me to pay a visit to Chiyo-baa-sama’s-”

“Woah, senpai! You look like shit!”

Kankuro looked away from Sakura and followed Naruto’s gaze to where an exhausted-looking Genma trudged through the doorway.

_Geez, what the hell did they do last night?_

Less than a minute later, an equally-tired Kakashi shuffled into the room.

“Kaka-sensei!” Naruto marveled. “You look almost as bad as Genma-senpai! What the hell did you two even _do_ last night?”

_You probably don’t want to know. I know I sure as hell don’t. I do wonder which one of them was on bottom, though…_

Genma muttered something about turtles under his breath and flopped into a chair. Kankuro frowned slightly and asked, “Is that code for- you know what, never mind. I don’t want to know.”

Kankuro froze as Genma’s bleary eyes trained on him.

_Shit! Now he knows that I know!_

“You,” Genma narrowed his eyes and leaned towards Kankuro. “You ever see a duck sit down?” 

“What?” Kankuro squeaked.

“Genma,” Raido said without looking, “you’ve got that demented look in your eyes again.”

“Their legs don’t bend,” Genma continued, unaware of Kankuro’s rising panic. 

“Mah, Genma,” Kakashi sat down on Genma’s other side and pulled out a green book. “You’re scaring Kankuro-kun.”

“They just fall back on their little duck butts like,” Genma straightened his arms and swept them forward, “ _fwoomp._ ”

“What a drag,” Shikamaru lifted his head from the cradle of his arms and sighed.

“It was the cutest shit I’ve ever seen in my life,” Genma said intensely.

_Then why do you look angry?!_

He heard Shikamaru sigh again before barking out in his father’s voice, silencing the entire room.

“ANBU! Call sign and serial!”

The reaction was instantaneous. Genma straightened in his seat, eyes alert and face devoid of all expression.

“Akumu,” he answered promptly, “zero-one-zero-two-zero-three!”

On the other side of the table, a glass slammed on the table and two Mist shinobi stood up in surprise.

“Akumu?!” they exclaimed. Kankuro saw both Genma and Kakashi stiffen before turning to the pair.

“Are you really him?” Chojuro asked in disbelief.

“I thought ‘Akumu’ was just a legend!” his white-haired comrade said in awe. 

“Wha-” Genma started before a barrage of questions cut him off.

“Ne, ne! Are the stories true then?” Chojuro asked excitedly.

“Did you really sneak up on a Kiri ANBU tracking unit?!” the other one asked with equal fervor.

“And take out four of them before being discovered-”

“-And another two before being captured and tortured-”

“-But you wouldn’t tell them your real name-”

_Wait, that wasn’t a question._

“-And they had to stop using physical torture-”

“-Because you just kept making dirty jokes-”

“-And lewd gestures-”

“-And you kept trying to get them to kiss you-”

_Who flirts with their torturer?!_

“-And they thought it was really off-putting-”

_No shit, that’s just disturbing!_

“-But one of them did it anyway-”

“-And you blew wind chakra into their skull-”

_No way, that would take perfect chakra control! Even Baki-sensei can’t do that!_

“-And their brains exploded everywhere-”

“-And then they wired your jaw shut-”

“-But then they realized you couldn’t answer their questions like that-”

“-So they untied your feet so you could answer questions in the dirt-”

“-But you were able to fight-”

“-Even with your arms tied behind your back-”

“-And you killed two more-”

“-And you tried to rip through your ropes-”

“-And managed to escape-”

“-Because there were only two left-”

“-And one of them was having a psychotic break-”

“-And the other ran away and became a missing-nin-”

“-But they couldn’t send another unit after you-”

“-Because Kiri signed a treaty with Konoha-”

  
  


“-And then the Third War ended,” Chojuro finished with a reverent tone. Both of the young Mist ninja were gazing at Genma in wonder. 

“Wow, senpai!” Naruto joined in the excitement. “I had no idea you were so cool!”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, if Genma’s glare was any indication.

“Since you think psychological torture is so cool,” the man groused, weaving hand signs, “I’ll give you a demonstration!”

He spit his senbon into Naruto’s shoulder before the blond could dodge. Naruto’s face went slack before pinching in confusion. 

“Oh yeah,” Raido looked at the jinchuriki in boredom. “I forgot you were originally a genjutsu-type.”

“Genma,” Kakashi looked up from his book, “don’t overdo it, since your chakra is still low from last night.”

_From last night? I know that spar probably took a lot out of him, but shouldn’t he have recovered by now? Seriously, what the actual fuck did those two DO?_

“RELEASE!” Naruto exclaimed, flailing his attempts to shake off the illusion.

“NO!” he yelled, falling backwards on the ground. “I DON’T WANNA BE SOUP, YOU KNOW!”

_Huh? What?_

“Senpai!” Chojuro began excitedly. “What are you making him see?”

“Are you torturing him?” his white-haired comrade asked with glee.

Genma chewed on his senbon angrily. 

“NO! NOT THE SHELL! RELEASE! RELEASE DAMMIT!” 

Kakashi sighed, “Again with the turtles?”

The door flew open and Baki rushed in, kunai in hand. 

“What’s going on?” he asked, looking around the room. His eyes landed on Kankuro, and the puppet-nin moved his fingers against the table in a silent code.

‘ _Trust me, you don’t want to know.’_

“It’s almost over, at any rate,” Raido said, pulling up his sleeve to look at his watch.

Kankuro looked over at the scarred man in confusion, along with nearly every other ninja in the room. 

“3,” Raido counted. 

“2,” Kakashi added.

“1,” they said simultaneously, looking up at Genma, who blinked. His face relaxed into a serene smile and he walked over to Naruto, taking back his senbon and placing it back in his mouth.

_Ew, isn’t he worried about germs?_

“Is there any word from Lightning?” Genma asked, as though the last few minutes hadn’t happened.

Baki blinked, momentarily taken aback, and answered. “Mifune-dono just received a message. The delegation from Kumo was held up around Kusa, but they should arrive some time tomorrow. Depending on how late they arrive, Mei-sama and Gaara-sama may decide to wait until the next day to begin the meetings. Until then, everyone is free to do what they want as long as they stay within the village.”

“Alright then,” Shikamaru yawned and stood up, “I’m going to go take a nap.”

“Good idea,” Genma said and followed the strategist out the door. Chatter broke out around the table as people returned to their conversations. Kankuro watched Kakashi slink out of the room unnoticed by anyone else. 

_That Raido said he went to the Academy with them, right? Someone who’s known them both since they were kids has to know something._

Kankuro got out of his chair and walked over to Raido, talking quietly so he wouldn’t be overheard. 

“Raido-san, do you have a moment?” 

He walked out of the room and headed down an empty corridor, sure the other man would follow. He ducked into an empty room and sat down in a chair. Raido walked in behind him, taking a chair opposite him. The scarred man said nothing but raised a brow in question.

“I know it really isn’t my business,” Kankuro began, somewhat awkwardly, “but you said you’ve known Kakashi-san and Genma-san since you were kids, right?”

“Yes,” Raido said, almost in a question.

“So are they, uh, _together?_ ” Kankuro asked. 

“They haven’t told me that they’re together,” Raido said.

“That isn’t exactly a ‘no,’” Kankuro pointed out. 

“What made _you_ think they were together?” the Leaf shinobi asked, subtly revealing his own suspicions. 

“I, uh,” Kankuro coughed slightly, “overheard them talking last night. It didn’t sound like a conversation between friends.”

Raido silently sized the younger nin up before sighing slightly.

“I’m not sure what’s going on with them,” he confessed. “I should start from the beginning, so please bear with me. You probably aren’t supposed to know this, but “Akumu''- Genma- used to be one of the Leaf’s best seduction and assasination experts. He’s still one of the village's best assassins, but he stopped doing seduction- stopped taking ANBU missions altogether, actually- about eight years ago after a mission that nearly cost him his sanity.”

Kankuro frowned. “His sanity, but not his life? What happened to him?”

“I have no idea,” Raido answered seriously. “He never told me. There were only two people who ever got anything out of him: Nara Shikaku and Yamanaka Inoichi, and they’re both gone now. There was never a written record, as far as I could find, and Genma refuses to say anything about it.”

“So it’s like it never happened,” Kankuro frowned. He’d always sort of liked Genma, even when he’d been an enemy during the Konoha Crush operation. He had appreciated how laidback the man had seemed, since there hadn’t been anyone like that in his life at the time. 

_It’s not like I really know the guy, but it’s hard to imagine what could make someone like him lose his sanity._

“Right,” Raido nodded, and continued. “Anyway, a few months ago, an ANBU operative came up to our table at the bar asking if Genma or Kakashi could take one of _those_ kinds of missions, because they were still short-staffed from the war and those two were the only ones with the credentials. Genma took it before Kakashi could even open his mouth. He came back wounded, though it ended up not being too serious, since Kakashi’s team just happened to find him and get him medical attention. I asked him why he took that mission, since he’d sworn to never take another one of those, and the only reason he gave was that he didn’t want to see Kakashi in pain.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Kankuro said, “unless he knows something about Kakashi that no one else does.”

“That’s what I think too,” Raido agreed. “After that, the three of us were assigned a mission with Sakura-san and another one of our classmates. Our other classmate- his name is Aoba- and I caught those two in a couple of compromising positions, and we started to suspect they were together. After we got back, Aoba and I went to spy on them and found them sleeping in Kakashi’s bed. Aoba sort of freaked out and the entire Leaf ninja corps ended up finding out about it by the end of the day. A lot of conflicting rumors went around, and no one could say for sure if they were together or not.”

Raido paused, frowning. “Now that I think about it, everyone was more concerned about who was on bottom than they were about verifying the relationship. A couple of fights even broke out, from what I heard. Anyway, this goes on for over a month, and some chunin confronted Kakashi in a bar, yelling about how he didn’t deserve someone like Genma. It was completely ridiculous, she clearly knew nothing about either one of them. Anyway, Genma showed up towards the end of it, and they confessed to me and Aoba that the entire thing had been a prank.”

“What?” Kankuro leaned his head back in surprise. “That’s pretty far to go for a prank. Do you think they were just saying that because of that girl?”

“She’d already run off,” Raido shook his head slightly. “I know my best friend. They were telling the truth. They admitted that some of it had been real, since Shikamaru sent a Hyuga after them. He was in on it the whole time.”

“That’s a lot of work for a joke,” Kankuro said doubtfully. “Did they say why they did it?”

“When we saw them in bed together, Aoba accidentally woke Genma up,” Raido deadpanned. 

“I don’t understand,” Kankuro muttered.

“Genma is a menace before ten in the morning on his good days, and a goddamn nightmare on his bad ones. He hates being woken up without a good reason. He said that the prank was revenge on me and Aoba for starting rumors based on a misunderstanding, and revenge on the rest of the corps for believing it.”

“Then, earlier with Naruto?” Kankuro was almost afraid to ask.

“He’s exhausted, but having a good day,” Raido confirmed in a monotone. 

“How did you know exactly when he would calm down?” Kankuro asked.

“He stops being a pain in the ass at exactly ten in the morning,” Raido said flatly. 

Kankuro opened his mouth to ask how that even happened when the other man cut him off with a shake of his head. 

“I have no idea,” he said.

Kankuro stared at the table, completely bewildered. Suddenly, he remembered exactly what he’d overheard the night before.

“I think they’re together,” Kankuro said suddenly. “Maybe it isn’t a relationship, but I overheard Kakashi-san ask if Genma-san wanted to ‘try it for real.’ I didn’t have any context for it then, but now I’m sure.”

“Part of their prank was to let themselves be overheard and caught in compromising positions, only for it to be a misunderstanding. They may have known you were listening,” Raido cautioned. 

Kankuro cursed. “You said Shikamaru was in on it?” he looked up at the older man, who nodded. 

“I’ll talk to him, then,” the Sand shinobi decided. “Thank you for your help. I’ll let you know if I find anything out.” 

Raido nodded and stood to exit the room.

_Those two are together, I know it. I just have to prove it._

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Baki POV

  
  


Baki sat down between Raido and Kitsuchi at the long dining table. He wouldn’t exactly say they were _friends_ yet, but they seemed to be getting along pretty well. It had been awkward with Raido at first, since he’d killed one of the scarred man’s oldest friends, but they had agreed to leave the past behind. 

Raido’s eyes flicked up, and Baki followed his gaze to where Genma strolled in with a yawn. His uniform top and flak jacket were gone, replaced with a worn gray v-necked t-shirt. His hair was tied up, forehead protector tied around his left thigh with the knot in front. A black choker bisected his neck, and a lit cigarette replaced his usual senbon. 

_Someone sure is casual. He looks at least a decade younger than he actually is._

“Pincushion!” Sakura addressed the newcomer from beside Kankuro. “Put that damn thing out or so help me!” She left the threat to hang, shaking her fist.

“Sure thing, Pinkie,” Genma drawled before spitting the stick onto her plate. 

_Still, to be able to control wind chakra so precisely is no small feat._

“WHY I OUTTA!” Sakura struggled against the sudden grasp Naruto and Kankuro held her in.

Genma ignored her and flopped into an empty seat across from Raido, eyes tightening slightly at impact. He grabbed a clean bowl and began piling rice and vegetables in it as Kakashi wandered in with a book in hand. 

“Mah, Genma,” Kakashi looked over to his teammate, pocketing the book, “you should know better than to anger your medic. Especially one who could break you in half.”

Kakashi walked up behind Genma and took his chopsticks, reaching for the food. He leaned over Genma’s shoulder so Naruto and Sakura couldn’t see his face and reached his free hand up to pull down his mask. 

_Kami, he looks even younger than Genma. They shouldn’t be allowed together like that- wait, what am I even thinking?! I’m straight, dammit!_

Genma reached for a glass of water and dipped his hand into it before flicking water onto Kakashi’s face.

“Bad,” Genma reprimanded, confiscating the chopsticks.

_Did he just-? To “Copy-Ninja” Kakashi?_

Genma flicked more water. “Bad dog,” he scolded, earning shocked looks from around the table.

Baki felt reassured that he wasn’t the only one having a hard time believing what was happening.

Genma pulled out the chair next to him and pointed to it. “Sit,” he commanded, picking up a stir fried vegetable. Kakashi pulled his mask up with a glare.

“I don’t have to take orders from you,” he bristled.

Genma finally turned to look at the silver-haired nin.

“Sit,” he repeated authoritatively. Kakashi immediately sat down and blinked, as if he hadn’t been aware of the movement.

“Good boy,” Genma praised, patting a silver head. “Now stay.”

Kakashi glared at the brunette before grabbing his own bowl and filling it up.

_No way, is he... blushing? What the hell are these two?_

“Genma,” Raido began conversationally, “you never told me you got a dog. Can he do any tricks?”

_Raido too?!_

“Sure,” Genma grinned and turned to the fuming Copy Ninja. “‘Kashi, speak!”

_‘Kashi?’_

“I hope you choke and die,” Kakashi spat venomously. Genma laughed, and Baki saw the look in Kakashi’s eyes change from hostility to something almost tender. 

_Oh, well then that explains it, I guess._

“Kashi, play dea-AGH!” Naruto’s snicker cut off as he dodged a kunai aimed at his head. 

“Naruto,” Kakashi began gleefully, “never call me that again.”

“What?” Naruto exclaimed indignantly. “So Genma-senpai can call you that but we can’t?!” He flung an arm to Sakura, who slapped it out of her way with an annoyed scowl.

“Exactly,” Kakashi chirped. “I’m glad you understand.”

“WHAT?! That’s not fair!” the blond complained. 

“Life’s not fair,” Kakashi countered joyfully. Genma let out an annoyed huff and called out to Sakura.

“Oi, Pinkie! Could you knock him out for us?” Sakura’s eyebrow twitched. 

“No, Pinkie, do NOT knock him-AAHH!” Sakura’s punch sent Naruto flying into the nearest wall, leaving an Uzumaki-shaped dent.

“Don’t ever call me that again, you idiot!” Sakura fumed.

“Not you too, Sakura-chan,” Naruto pleaded helplessly before passing out.

“I get why Kakashi-san would let you call him that,” Kankuro began, “but why Sakura-san?”

“Yeah,” Kitsuchi added from next to Baki, humor lacing his voice. “How do you get away with calling people nicknames they hate?”

“Hm?” Genma swallowed a bite of rice before answering. “I only call people names that annoy them, not something they truly hate.” 

“So that’s why you flinch every time someone calls him ‘Shika,’” Raido nodded towards Shikamaru, who scowled.

“Something like that,” the tokujo agreed vaguely. 

“Kankuro-kun,” Mei addressed the puppet master from down the table. “What did you mean by the first part of your question?”

“Mizukage-sama,” Kankuro grinned cheekily, “don’t you think they make a cute couple?”

Baki noticed two sets of eyes narrow dangerously. 

_Kankuro, you fool! You can’t just go around saying things like that!_

“What did you just say?” Kakashi asked in a low voice.

“Do you have sand in your eyes or something?” Genma followed wickedly, twirling his chopsticks.

“Puppies are _cute,”_ Kakashi continued. “Baby pandas are _cute._ ”

“Ducks sitting down are _cute,_ ” Genma spat.

_Then why do you look so angry?!_

“We are not _cute_ ,” Kakashi denied venomously.

“That’s the part you’re worried about?!” Akatsuchi cried out.

“Of course it is!” Genma seethed. “It’s insulting! If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was trying to start a fight.”

“Raido!” Kakashi barked. “Tell them we aren’t ‘cute!’”

“You two are right,” Raido confirmed. “There’s nothing ‘cute’ about you at all. A better word to describe you would be ‘adorable.’”

Baki barely registered them move. Chopsticks flew past his ear and hit the wall behind him.

“Traitor!” Kakashi accused as Genma called out, “You bastard! That’s even worse!”

Kakashi stood up and sighed. “I’m so disappointed in you, Raido. I thought you were better than this.” 

He grabbed his bowl and poofed away as Genma disappeared momentarily, reappearing behind the scarred man. He put Raido in a headlock before dissolving in a swirl of leaves, leaving behind Raido’s empty seat.

“Dad,” Akatsuchi turned to her father, “what just happened?”

Kitsuchi just sighed, returning to his food. 

_These crazy fucking Leaf nin…_

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Raido POV

  
  


They landed outside in a quiet courtyard. Genma released the choke hold with a sigh and sat down.

“You’re the worst friend ever,” he complained. “Why do people always think you’re the serious one?”

“Who knows? It’s Konoha’s best-kept secret,” Raido snorted and sat down next to his friend. A few seconds passed in silence as Genma pulled out a senbon from his leg wrappings.

“So you and Kakashi, huh?” Raido said lightly.

“I guess it’s as good as out now,” Genma sighed and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. “I was hoping we could keep this a secret longer. At least until we actually figured things out.”

_Well, there goes mine and Aoba’s plan for counter-revenge._

“They’re going to start asking questions,” Raido warned. “Especially the younger ones. I’ll try to deflect some, but I won’t be able to deal with them all. They aren’t among the best in their villages for nothing.”

“Mn,” Genma agreed. “I’m just glad we’re all on the same team now.”

“Yeah,” Raido huffed, “no kidding. A lady that spits lava is someone you want as a _friend_.”

Genma chuckled, and they fell into silence again.

“I know you’re dying to ask,” Genma said dryly. 

“I have so many questions,” Raido confessed. “I don’t really know where to start. I guess the biggest thing is if you’re happy.”

Genma dropped his hands from his eyes and smiled slightly, giving a short nod. Raido smiled in return. 

“Then the next one is ‘when?’” he said.

“The day after Shikamaru sent Tokuma after us,” came Genma’s soft reply.

“How long?”

“Probably always,” Genma sighed. “I just didn’t realize it until he told me.”

“He told you he loved you?” Raido asked, surprised.

“No, no,” Genma shook his head. “Well, yes, but not like that. Kakashi is asexual, or maybe demisexual? I’m not really sure, it’s kind of gray. Anyway, the way he said it was that he wouldn’t mind doing something again if it was me, and the thought of anyone else touching him like that made him nauseous.”

“Really?” Raido couldn’t keep the surprise from his voice. “What did you say back to him?”

Genma leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “‘Oh,’” he answered. 

“What?” Raido thought he missed something.

“That’s what I said back to him. ‘Oh,’” he groaned out. Raido laughed lightly at his best friend’s uncharacteristic awkwardness. Comprehension struck him suddenly and he blurted out his next question.

“So you took that mission because you didn’t want him to put himself into a situation that would make him uncomfortable?”

Genma nodded. 

“So,” Raido began dryly. “I guess I know why you could barely sit down earlier. I still can’t believe you talked to him like a dog in front of everyone.”

“Fuck,” Genma cursed. “There’s no way he’s just going to let that go, is there?”

“I almost feel sorry for you,” Raido snickered.

“He’s the one who obeyed commands without thinking,” came the petulant reply. Suddenly Genma sat up with a mild look of alarm.

“The group from Kumo is supposed to arrive tomorrow,” he said seriously. Raido tilted his head in confusion.

“We’re supposed to start tomorrow if they get here early enough,” Genma continued with mounting panic.

“Genma, I don’t understand,” Raido blinked.

“Raido, I’m not going to be able to walk tomorrow!” Genma exclaimed. “How am I supposed to sit at a desk and copy reports?”

“What?” Raido’s brows pinched. “Why won’t you be able to- oh. Right.” 

_Shit, Kakashi is probably still pissed that Kankuro called him cute._

“I’m going to fucking die,” Genma muttered.

“But at least you’ll die fucking,” Raido smirked. Genma groaned and flopped into the fetal position. Raido suddenly remembered a comment from earlier that morning.

“Oh yeah,” he looked down at Genma’s curled up form. “Didn’t Kakashi say something this morning about your chakra being low? I know that spar took a lot of energy, but that wasn’t it, was it?”

“Uh, no,” Genma muttered. “I, uh- you know that thing Shizune was talking about that time she got really drunk? Right before she started dancing on the table?”

Raido wracked his brain, coughing slightly when he finally remembered. He grunted his affirmation, and Genma continued.

“I-er- tried it on Kakashi,” Genma mumbled, clearly embarrassed. 

“How, uh, did it go?” Raido forced a conversational tone. 

_Well, this is more information than I really needed. Hopefully he won’t go into detail..._

“Either he really liked it,” Genma forced through clenched teeth, “or I traumatised him. Maybe both. Probably both.”

They sat in awkward silence for a few moments before Raido finally had enough.

“I’ll come get you two when the Lightning delegation arrives,” he said. “Kakashi’s probably waiting for you. Go have fun.”

Genma righted himself and stood up, shooting a grateful smile at Raido.

“You’re still the worst friend ever,” he teased, and Raido waved him off with a smirk of his own. He sighed, content.

_Yeah, Aoba’s gonna be pissed that we’re changing the plan._

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone interested in what happened after the silencing tags were put up, it's posted in a separate work called "Icha Icha Spectacle."


	13. The Most Annoying Piss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Allied Shinobi Forces informational meeting continues.

Genma silently stepped into the dining hall, immediately noticing the group of teenagers clustering around his best friend. Shaking his head- because really, it was too damn early for whatever shit was happening over there- he made his way over to where Shikamaru stood, evidently debating whether or not he should just drink the coffee directly from the pot.

“You know, if you gaze into the abyss long enough,” Genma drawled quietly, grabbing a mug and reaching for the pot, “it might just wink back at you.”

Shikamaru snorted, lips twitching in something vaguely resembling a smile. The pair made their way to the long table, and Raido briefly caught Genma’s eyes.

“Genma!” he called out, panicked. The swarm of young shinobi stopped and turned to look at Genma.

_Well that can’t be anything good._

The room went completely still for all of three seconds before Genma’s ears were assaulted by a rapid-fire series of questions. 

“Is it true that you and Kakashi-san are really a couple?” Temari demanded.

“Have you told him you love him yet?” Akatsuchi asked hopefully.

“How did you know you were gay?” a dark-skinned shinobi with white hair from Kumo asked.

_Oh, they got here already._

“What’s your favorite kind of ramen?” Naruto asked seriously. 

“Is the choker you wear a sex thing or something?” Shikamaru teased from his left.

“How do you kiss him around the senbon?” Sakura wondered.

“What’s your favorite thing about Kakashi-senpai?” Togetsu questioned.

“What happened on that mission eight years ago?” Kankuro cautioned, halting the interrogation.

Genma sipped on the steaming coffee throughout the assault, face giving absolutely nothing away. He carefully arched one eyebrow and took another deep drink of the brew, making eye contact with each of his interrogators. He finally settled his eyes on Temari’s. 

“I don’t have an answer to that,” he replied honestly, shifting his gaze to Akatsuchi.

“No,” he continued, “and I don’t intend to.”

“It’s not that I’m particularly gay,” he began to the Lightning shinobi, “I just don’t care enough to have a preference.”

“I don’t eat ramen that often,” Genma confessed to a scandalized Uzumaki. “It’s fine if there isn’t a lot of broth, but I really can’t stand having solids and liquids in the same dish.”

Genma turned to Shikamaru with a slight snicker.

“My mom gave me this choker when I was seven,” he teased. “I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a sex thing, since she left on a suicide mission the next day.”

Still smirking slightly, Genma turned to Sakura.

“Pinky, do you seriously think it’s safe for _anyone_ to try to kiss with a giant needle in their mouth?” he taunted, grinning wildly when Sakura levelled him with an unimpressed glare. 

“I was under the impression you didn’t care for your own health or safety,” she taunted back, reminding him of the many times she caught him chewing on one of his poisoned senbon.

“I don’t, but I’m not quite enough of an asshole to carelessly put someone else in danger,” he sassed. Sakura gave him another unimpressed look, and Genma took it as a win.

“My favorite thing about Kakashi is that he doesn’t ask me stupid questions,” Genma deadpanned to the young Kiri nin, finally landing his gaze on Kankuro. His eyes narrowed, and he noticed Raido’s tense look in his peripheral vision.

_Raido trusts him, and I trust Raido’s judgement. Besides, it’s not like I can keep this from them forever._

“Ask again tomorrow,” he said flatly. “There are other people who deserve to know before you.”

_Now that I think about it, maybe l should show Shikamaru too. If nothing else, it might convince him to be extra cautious if he ever gets sent out on one of those missions._

Kankuro nodded once in confirmation, approving of Genma’s decision. Genma gave a slight smile in return and turned his head toward the doorway.

“Okay, it’s your turn to be interrogated, Kakashi,” Genma drawled, revealing the other man’s presence. 

Kakashi strode into the room, briefly looking up from his book to give Genma’s back a dirty look as the older man found a seat and started putting food on his plate. Once again, the room was silent for a few seconds before the second wave of interrogation washed over him. 

“What was your first impression of Genma-senpai?” Togetsu asked cheerily.

“Who confessed first?” Akatsuchi questioned excitedly.

“How can you be with someone who doesn’t even like ramen?” Naruto questioned judgmentally, a hint of betrayal in his voice.

“Weren’t you and that taijutsu user an item?” Temari asked with a furrowed brow, causing Genma to snicker around a piece of egg. 

“Are you the top or bottom?” the Kumo nin inquired.

_Seriously, why does everyone keep asking that?!_

“How did Genma-san manage to seduce you?” Kankuro asked, a teasing lilt to his voice. 

“Are your ninken still traumatized from that time two months ago?” Shikamaru asked, smirking at Genma.

Kakashi sighed and looked up from his book. 

“Pointy,” he said, answering the first question. “The first time we met, he had a sharpened dango stick in his mouth.”

“There was never really a confession,” Kakashi hesitated.

_Not by anyone else’s standards, at least._

“And Gai and I have always had a strictly platonic relationship,” he continued, completely ignoring Naruto’s question, causing the blonde to squawk indignantly.

“As for the next question,” Kakashi trailed off slightly. “The answer isn’t as simple as you’d think.”

Genma took another swig of coffee to hide his smirk at the confused looks. 

“I’m still trying to figure out how he seduced me,” Kakashi admitted, lifting a hand to scrub awkwardly at the back of his head. Genma frowned.

“Yeah,” the brunette added, “me too.”

“Ah,” Kakashi turned to Shikamaru, “most of the pack has forgiven him, since he was really drunk.”

Genma suppressed a wince. His memory was slightly fuzzy, but he was pretty sure he kissed one of Kakashi’s ninken on the head. 

_Was that Shiba? I don’t think it was Urushi or Akino..._

“Huh?” Naruto interjected. “What are you talking about, Kaka-sensei?”

“Genma-senpai got really drunk a couple of months ago and psychologically damaged Kakashi-senpai’s ninken,” Shikamaru snickered. 

“I’ve seen them rip people into tiny pieces,” Genma huffed. “There’s no way anything I did ‘psychologically damaged’ them,” he finished with air quotes.

“You tried to rock one to sleep while singing about feeding Aoba-senpai to his birds,” Shikamaru returned incredulously, earning a snort from Raido.

“You kissed Uhei on the forehead,” Kakashi added dramatically, giving Genma pause.

“Oh, so it was Uhei?” he looked up at the other man. “For some reason I thought that was Shiba. Well that’s good news, then, because Uhei will find some convoluted way to blame you, and I’ll still be his favorite.” 

Genma happily returned to his food, ignoring Kakashi’s glare and the various stares of disbelief and amusement from around the room. 

“Are there any more questions?” Kakashi asked impatiently. Hesitantly, Sakura stepped forward and beckoned him to lean down. She whispered something in his ear, sincerity and concern and something close to hope painting her delicate features. She backed away, waiting for his answer. 

“Mn,” he confirmed with a happy eye crease, “I think so.”

Sakura’s resulting smile shocked a few of the other shinobi, including Genma.

_I wonder what she asked him. Maybe something about Sasuke-kun?_

Genma studied her expression carefully as the smile’s intensity faded.

_No, if it was about Uchiha, she’d be blushing and looking at the ground. Besides, that doesn’t have anything to do with the conversation at hand. I guess there's nothing to do but ask Kakashi later._

Genma took his now empty plate over to the designated area for dirty dishes.

_Man, it’s nice not having to wash my own dishes. Maybe I could hire a genin to do mine when I get back home…_

Genma poured himself another cup of coffee and walked over to where Raido and Baki were chatting with one of the emissaries from Kumo. 

“Ah, Darui-san,” Baki said, cutting himself off, “this is Genma-san.”

“I look forward to working with you,” Genma said, switching his mug to his left hand so he could shake the other’s hand with his right. 

“Likewise,” Darui returned the handshake. “I’m sorry about Omoi-kun, asking such personal questions when he doesn’t even know you.”

“We’re here to share information, right?” Genma paused and smirked. “For the most part, those were pretty superficial questions. I think that Omoi-kun may be having an identity crisis, though.”

Darui smirked in response, and Raido snorted slightly. Baki’s lips twitched upward briefly before he schooled his expression. The group turned as Kitsuchi asked for the group leaders to meet with him briefly before they began, leaving Genma and Raido alone. 

“I thought you were going to come get me when they got here,” Genma accused lightly.

“They swarmed me as soon as I got to the dining hall, asking questions about you and Kakashi,” Raido said. “Kumo got here right after it started, and I couldn’t leave. Aren’t you walking a little too normally?”

“Kakashi actually pulled rank and _ordered_ me to heal myself this morning,” Genma huffed. “I tried to get out of bed to go take a piss and I completely collapsed to the ground as soon as I was on my feet. He _carried_ me to the bathroom, then tried to _supervise_ me until I threatened to piss on _him_ if he didn’t leave.” 

Raido chuckled with a hand covering his mouth. 

_Yeah, laugh it up all you want. That was the angriest piss I’ve ever taken in my life._

“What, you didn’t want him breathing down your neck while you peed?” Raido taunted. Genma glared lightly at his friend.

“You know, some people are into that kind of thing,” the scarred man continued with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

“Are you speaking from experience?” Genma retorted. “I didn’t think Aoba was that type.”

Raido floundered for a moment before sighing. “Fine,” he said, “I’ll drop it.”

“What’s the matter, Rai?” Genma continued the teasing. “Not even going to bother to deny it?”

“We both know that won’t stop you from spewing bullshit,” Raido deadpanned. Genma laughed lightly and took another sip of his coffee.

“He does want you and Kakashi to join us though,” Raido added, causing Genma to choke slightly on the steaming beverage. Genma looked at his best friend apprehensively. 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you two,” he hedged, “it’s just that Kakashi-”

“I know,” his best friend cut him off. “I’ll tell Aoba when we get back. He’ll probably be annoyed, but I’m sure he’ll drop it. I can’t guarantee he won’t ask to watch you guys.”

Reassured, Genma snorted slightly into his coffee. 

“If he’s really set on that idea, try Izumo and Kotetsu,” Genma suggested. “Just warn me so I have time to escape my apartment.” 

Raido smiled slightly and thanked him for the tip.

“I’ll see if Kakashi minds being watched,” Genma smirked.

“Just don’t put on so good of a show that he doesn’t want me anymore,” Raido warned. “I’ll never forgive you.”

“I’ve seen the size of your dick, Rai,” Genma said with a raised eyebrow. “I’m sure you could figure out a way to win him back.”

The pair smirked at each other, and Genma finished off the last of his coffee with a glance at his watch.

_Alright, time to get to work._

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Kitsuchi POV

  
  
  


_He saved us all. He’s entirely capable in a fight. He’s still a kid. Hitting him might have international consequences and we’re still recovering from the war. Calm down, remember your blood pressure…_

Naruto still would not. Stop. Moving. The other ninja in the room were wearing down as well, judging by the twitch in Darui’s eyebrow. Even Kakashi, who had the most practice dealing with the jinjuriki, was starting to demonstrate his frustration. 

“Naruto, _focus_ ,” Kakashi scolded, returning to his own paperwork. There were a few quick moments of blissful silence, and then he heard it.

Naruto was tapping his foot on the floor. Even worse, Kitsuchi recognized the beat as belonging to one of those annoying pop songs his daughter insisted on subjecting him to. Kitsuchi closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He held the breath for ten seconds and exhaled slowly. 

“Can’t you be still for one minute?” Karui exclaimed, reaching over to punch Naruto when her hand was stopped. Kitsuchi looked up to see a lightly smiling Genma holding the girl’s wrist.

_I didn’t even hear him come in_ …

“Hitting him won’t help,” he said, letting go of her and turning to Naruto.

“Naruto-kun,” he began, the younger man looking up with his head in his hands.

“I know, I know already!” the blonde nearly yelled in his frustration. “I’m trying to concentrate!”

“And the harder you try to focus, the less you’re able to?” Genma’s question came out as more of a statement. The blonde nodded miserably. Genma studied the younger man for a moment.

_Where is he going with this?_

“When you read on a mission, you’re just fine, even if you can’t memorize everything,” Genma began, “but outside of that context, it’s like your eyes and your brain aren’t connected at all, right?”

Naruto nodded, and Genma began fishing around in his vest pockets.

“And the more you try to concentrate,” the brunette continued, “the more you start noticing everything around you or remembering other things until there are so many thoughts in your head that you can’t figure out which one to focus on. Am I right?”

“How did you know?” Naruto asked in bewilderment. Genma finally fished a small object out of an inside pocket, tossing it to the younger man and explaining how to use it.

“Genma’s the same way,” Raido answered, looking up from his own report. “The main reason he chews on senbon is so he can stay moving without being too obvious.”

“Hm?” Kakashi cocked his head. “I never knew that. How do you know?”

“When we were chunin,” Raido began gravely, causing Kitsuchi to look over warily, “he ran out of senbon on a mission with Asuma, Hayate, and me. He was fine while we were traveling, but then we stopped at a tea house to rest and I swear on the First Hokage he made Naruto seem like a statue in comparison.”

“I wasn’t _that_ bad,” Genma groused. 

“You annoyed Asuma so much that he punched you. Hayate thought you were on drugs,” Raido deadpanned. 

“Wait, _that’s_ why Asuma punched me that time?” Genma questioned indignantly, senbon swishing wildly.

_Now that you mention it, that thing does seem to have a mind of its own. Either way, if this can help Naruto to concentrate, we’ll all be better off for it._

“Nevermind,” Genma snapped, turning to Kakashi. “I need to borrow your blood and chakra.”

_What?_

“Why, exactly?” Kakashi questioned.

“Ibiki put a double blood seal on the scroll with the backlogs,” Genma started flatly, “and apparently they stopped teaching new recruits how to use those ten years ago.”

Kakashi sighed and set down his pen, standing to leave. He assured the others that he would be back quickly and the Konoha nin excused themselves.

_They better not make any detours. The sooner we get through this, the sooner we go home._

Kakashi returned a little over ten minutes later, and the rest of the afternoon passed without distraction.

  
  
  
  



	14. Living Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma finally discloses what happened on that mission 8 years ago.
> 
> PLEASE HEED THE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THE CHAPTER NOTES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please SKIP THIS CHAPTER/THE FLASHBACK if you are unable to read about any of the things mentioned in the warnings. It's meant to be disturbing, but in a way that demonstrates Genma's psychological profile. None of the italicized body will be important to the plot in the end, so please skip the flashback if you need to (the beginning and end will be marked). A non-explicit summary of the flashback will be in the end notes.
> 
> Your mental health and safety is more important than this story.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS:
> 
> -nonconsensual sex  
> -nonconsensual drug use  
> -mentions of murder  
> -mentions of necrophilia  
> -attempted suicide

  
  
  
  


“This isn’t going to be pleasant for anyone,” Genma warned, eyes trained on the ground. Raido furrowed his brow slightly.

_ No shit. _

“Remember, it’s just genjutsu, so you can dispel it at any time,” his friend continued. 

“Gen,” Raido said softly, “you’re stalling.”

Genma winced slightly at being called out and ducked his head another degree. He pulled his hands to his chest, preparing to form the illusion.

“Right,” he murmured as he began weaving the long sequence of hand signs. “Just try not to think too badly of me.”

_ What? Why would we think badly of him? _

Raido shared a brief but confused glance with Kakashi as the illusion took over his senses. 

  
  
  
**XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX**   
  
  
  
  


_ The target was almost ready to crack, he could feel it. If he was lucky, he’d be able to get the last piece of intel, eliminate the target, and be on his way back to Konoha before sunrise. A bit of a rushed job, sure, but not impossible. _

_ Something wasn’t right, and Genma didn’t want to stick around to find out what that something was.  _

_ He was pulled from his dissociated thoughts by a series of particularly annoying shrieks from the woman beneath him. _

**_How the fuck am I supposed to get her to shut up?!_ **

_ He leaned forward and buried his face in the woman’s shoulder to hide his grimace. The shrill wails continued. _

**_She has to be faking, there’s no goddamn way she’s really- Are you fucking kidding me?!_ **

_ Genma felt the target gush around him, disproving his theory that the target had been faking.. _

**_Dammit, I’m nowhere near close enough to force an orgasm without her noticing. Maybe if I pretend she’s Kuren- no, her voice is too annoying for that. If I can just keep her from screeching…_ **

_ Genma shifted and kissed the target, effectively muffling her, and began to fantasize about all the people he’d rather be doing. Hazy memories swirled in his head, bringing him closer to completion: Yugao’s armor coming apart during training, Tenzo pinning him against a tree during a spar, Anko challenging him to a cherry stem-tying contest, Kurenai’s hips swaying as she walks, a spandex-covered bulge- _

**_Dammit Gai! Go fuck up someone else’s orgasm!_ **

_ \- that target from a few months back with the really nice tits, Shisui telling him some of the dirtier uses of the Sharingan, Kakashi bending over to pick up the bar of soap he dropped in the ANBU showers- _

**_Fuck!_ **

_ His orgasm hit with almost no warning and he spilled into the woman beneath him. _

**_Don’t say his name don’t say his name don’t say his name_ **

_ He collapsed onto his target, carefully distributing his weight to keep her in place without raising suspicion. He gently separated their joined bodies and lifted a hand to play with her hair. After a few moments of carefully studying her behavior, Genma spoke. _

_ “You’re still worrying about something,” he prodded gently. The girl opened her mouth to speak, then closed it and turned her head slightly away from him. _

_ “It’s nothing,” she finally said, her speaking voice much more tolerable. Genma pulled back and pouted at the woman. _

_ “If you don’t tell me what’s bothering you,” he began, “I’ll think you've found someone else. Are you that tired of me already?” _

_ “No, that’s not it!” the woman denied. “I love you, Akumu-san! I could never get tired of you. It’s about an operation, but I’m not supposed to talk about it to anyone.” _

_ “But it’s clearly bothering you,” Genma affected a look of concern. “Talking about it with someone may help you feel better about it. Besides, who are you supposed to trust if you can’t trust your lover?” _

_ The woman searched Genma’s eyes for any insincerity. Apparently finding none, she took a shaky breath and nodded. Genma moved to wrap his arms around her, combing one hand through her hair. _

_ She told him everything he needed to know.  _

_ When she finished, Genma placed his hands on her jaw and tilted her face to his. _

_ “You don’t have to worry,” he assured her with a gentle smile. “Everything will turn out all right.” _

_ She smiled weakly and pulled him into a kiss. She pulled back with a stronger smile, and Genma severed her brainstem with a blade of chakra, killing her instantly. He gently laid her back on the bed and redressed them both, quickly removing every trace of his existence.  _

_ Casting an invisibility jutsu on himself, he sped towards the rendezvous point that Goat had decided on.  _

_ That gnawing feeling hadn’t left him. _

_ He made it to the location, finding Goat sitting on a tree limb with his back against the trunk. Genma rematerialized and gave his sign and serial number, but the other man didn’t respond. Slowly, the operative leaned sideways and fell from the tree. Genma caught him, noting his comrade was stiff and cold. _

_ He’d been dead for hours. _

**_Well, this isn’t ideal._ **

_ Genma laid the corpse on the ground, drawing the man’s tanto. A rustle from above was the only warning he had before five more bodies fell to the ground, the rest of Goat’s squad as dead as their captain.  _

_ Someone knew he would be here, and whoever wiped out his comrades had to be nearby. Genma quickly bit into his thumb and weaved the signs for a summoning jutsu. _

**_I won’t be able to fight, but at least the intel should make it back to Konoha._ **

_ Genma pressed his hand to the ground and a tanuki appeared. He quickly gave the information he’d gathered to the animal and instructed him to share it only with Shikaku-taicho. The animal disappeared with a poof just as a voice sounded behind him. _

_ “Shiranui Genma,” the man greeted him by his real name, and the Leaf ninja’s stomach dropped in dread. _

_ His cover had been blown.  _

_ The last thing he saw before blacking out was a chilling smile. _

  
  
  


_ He was burning. He didn’t know where he was, and he was burning. _

**_Am I on fire?_ **

_ He cracked open his eyes to find that he was not actually on fire. He was, however, in a surprisingly bright place, laying on something hard.  _

**_Huh, I thought Hell would be worse than this._ **

_ He gradually came to realize that he was strapped to a metal examination table, fluorescent lights blaring overhead. Something moved into his direct line of sight, and he eventually recognized it as a face. He could just barely make out the etched pattern on the man’s forehead protector, signifying the man was a rogue Grass shinobi. _

_ The rogue asked him about Konoha’s, and more specifically, the Hokage’s defenses and weakest points.  _

**_Oh, torture, that makes more sense._ **

_ He opened his mouth to tell the other man to fuck off, but the words that came out of his own mouth shocked him.  _

**_What? Why did I say that?! I didn’t mean to say that!_ **

_ Panic pushed bile into his throat as he listened to himself describe in minute detail the various barriers and jutsus in place that protected the Hidden Leaf and its citizens.  _

**_Why can’t I stop talking?! Why am I saying this?!_ **

_ He heard himself spill the village’s secrets, one by one, until he was finally able to stop talking. _

**_This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening, this isn’t real, it’s just a nightmare…_ **

_ The rogue thanked him and said that he was no longer useful. He pulled a kunai from his weapons pouch when he was stopped by another rogue. _

_ “Killing him now would be a waste, don’t you think?” a cold voice crept into Genma’s ears. _

_ “He’s pretty enough,” the voice continued, “we may be able to sell him for a decent amount, once we get tired of him.” _

_ “Just make sure you clean him up afterwards,” the first nin said, moving out of the room. “He needs to be in good condition or no one will want to buy him.” _

_ He heard the sound of a zipper pulling and felt the man untie one of his ankles, and finally succumbed to unconsciousness.  _

  
  
  


_ The first thing he noticed, when he awoke again, was that he was on his stomach. The second thing he noticed was that his knees burned a little, as did his backside. Next, he noticed that he was still wearing his yukata, more or less. Finally, he registered that he was not alone, and that someone was speaking.  _

_ Bleary eyes trained on the speaker, who turned to him and noticed he was awake. He informed Genma that two Konoha ANBU were killed outside of the compound they were in, trying to rescue Genma.  _

**_We don’t send out pairs for rescues… did the others retreat?_ **

_ The rogue informed Genma that several of their own men were following the ones that escaped back to Konoha in order to sneak into the village. _

**_Please let it be Owl’s team, or even Fang’s! Please let them be discovered before they make it back to Konoha!_ **

_ A member of the group, one that Genma hadn’t seen yet, entered the room and told the other guy to leave, saying it was his turn with the prisoner.  _

_ “I thought you were playing with that ANBU woman,” the first guy said, making his way towards the door. _

_ “I was,” said the new guy, “but she went cold and stiff before I could finish.” _

_ Genma gagged on a throat full of bile as he felt fingers coated in something cold and sticky enter him roughly.  _

_ “We don’t have anything here to prevent friction burn,” the man was speaking to Genma now, “but I think your friend’s blood would make a better lube anyway.” _

_ Genma was jostled on the table by the force of the other man’s thrusts, and he willed his body to relax.  _

**_I think this might be worse than that time with the human puppet child…_ **

_ Genma clenched his jaw around the sounds of pain that kept trying to escape.  _

**_If this is what I have to do to keep sick bastards like him out of Konoha, then there’s nothing I can do except endure it…_ **

_ The pain became excruciating, and he felt his consciousness sinking into the black once more. _

**_I just wish I could warn them…_ **

  
  
  


_ He lost track of time completely after that, the next few days- or was it weeks, or only hours?- a blur of fluorescence and people he didn’t know manipulating his body in ways he didn’t like. _

_ He couldn't even register the pain anymore. His body had gone numb early on.  _

_ He awoke to shouting and the sounds of clanging metal. The door flew open and one of the rogues lunged for his throat with a kunai. Genma closed his eyes and smiled slightly. _

**_They’re finally going to kill me, huh?_ **

_ He braced himself for the blow, anticipating the pain. _

**_I hope I can be reincarnated as a dog… Maybe I could join Kakashi’s pack..._ **

_ The blow didn’t land. Genma opened his eyes to see his attacker being strangled to death by shadow hands, tongue lolling out of his mouth as he took his last breath. Genma followed the receding shadows until his eyes landed on none other than a pissed-off Nara Shikaku. _

**_He knows, he knows I sold out Konoha, he knows I’m a traitor, he-_ **

_ The shadow user quickly untied him and removed the cuffs that blocked his chakra, and Genma was struck by the sudden and overwhelming need to hide his body from this man he looked up to. He looked down at his body and nearly wept in relief at finding himself somewhat wearing clothes.  _

_ His yukata was disheveled and stained with blood, leaving little doubt of how he’d been treated, but there was enough of a barrier that he could pretend nothing had happened. _

_ Shikaku asked him if he was able to move, and Genma replied that he couldn’t feel his body. The older man cursed, and a purple-haired ANBU entered the room. She came over and immediately began healing him, and Genma’s last tether to reality broke. _

_ “Don’t, please,” he begged, “just let me die. You have to go back, the village is in danger.” _

_ The other shinobi ignored him, and a third person entered the room.  _

_ “Please, just kill me,” Genma implored, “I betrayed the Leaf- I told them everything- I didn’t mean to but I did- they’re planning to sell the information to the highest bidder-” _

**_Why aren’t they listening to me?!_ **

_ “There may be more of them out there,” he continued “kill me before they make me tell them anything else-” _

_ Genma cut himself off, realizing no one was even trying to understand him. He took a deep breath and a sense of calm washed over him. _

**_If they won’t do it, I guess I’ll have to do it myself…_ **

_ He raised his hands to his chest and started forming the signs for a suicide jutsu, only for his body to stop moving two signs before it completed. _

_ “If you call yourself a Leaf shinobi,” Shikaku began, “make yourself of service to the Leaf.” _

_ Genma struggled against the shadow possession, trying to finish the last two signs that would fix his mistake. The chakra cuffs were put back on him, and Inoichi placed a hand on top of his head. Genma sagged forward against Yugao as the Yamanaka coaxed his mind into sleep. _

  
  
  


_ He was moving. Genma opened his eyes to see branches fly past. _

**_Fire Country. Almost to Konoha._ **

_ The group veered towards the left slightly, heading towards one of the secret tunnels that only select ANBU knew about. _

**_At least, only a few used to know about before I endangered everyone._ **

_ The group stopped briefly, Inoichi performing a set of seals to unlock the barrier, and they plunged into the tunnel. Inoichi resurrected the barrier and placed an exploding tag on the entrance. They trudged on, placing exploding tags at regular intervals until they estimated that they were getting close to a residential area.  _

_ The first of the explosions sounded distantly behind them, and the group rushed to avoid the falling debris as the tunnel collapsed. The tunnel opened up ahead of them, and Genma recognized the underground level of Konoha’s hospital that was used exclusively by ANBU.  _

**_Where is everyone?_ **

_ Genma noted a distinct and uncharacteristic lack of life as he was ushered into a room. Shikaku thanked Yugao and dismissed her, leaving Genma alone with the two older men. Inoichi delved into his mind again, poking at his memories. He muttered quietly to Shikaku, who cursed. _

_ Genma only caught two words of the conversation: “suicide watch.” _

_ He furrowed his brows as Inoichi left, returning a few moments later with two operatives. He informed Genma that he and Shikaku would be back soon, after they located a jutsu scroll. The pair left quickly, leaving one of the newcomers inside the room and the other standing guard outside the door.  _

_ Genma looked up at the operative with a scowl. _

**_Of course, it just has to be Raido, doesn’t it?_ **

_ The painted mask gave away nothing, and Genma found himself dissociating again. Without a clock in the room, he couldn’t quite gauge how much time had passed before the older men returned.  _

_ Raido was dismissed, and the Yamanaka began explaining the seal he was going to place on Genma.  _

_ “It’s a kind of memory suppression,” he explained. “It interferes with memory recall. If you start to remember what happened, your thoughts will be redirected to something else entirely.” _

_ “Will it keep me from betraying the village again?” he rasped quietly. He noticed the pair share a look from the upper edges of his vision. _

_ “You were drugged with a type of truth serum. You didn’t betray the Leaf,” Shikaku sighed, and Genma shot him a glare.  _

_ “It doesn’t matter whether I was drugged or not,” he spat. “I got eight operatives killed, possibly another four, and compromised everyone on border patrol. I put the entire village at risk, and somehow that doesn’t count as a betrayal?!” _

_ “Your loyalty still lies with the Leaf,” Shikaku explained. “As long as that’s true, you aren’t a traitor.” _

_ Genma dropped his gaze, unwilling to recognize the truth in the captain’s words.  _

_ “Why did you come after me?” he whispered.  _

_ “Chouza would skin us alive otherwise,” Inoichi snorted, a feeble attempt at humor. _

**_Don’t do that, don’t bring up Chouza-sensei. I’ve made my decision already, just let me die._ **

_ “That, and this village needs you, whether you like it or not,” the shadow nin finished. “Listen closely, because I won’t repeat myself again.” _

_ Genma raised his eyes to Shikaku’s.  _

_ “If you call yourself a Leaf shinobi, then make yourself of use to the Leaf.” _

_ Genma slowly registered the words and nodded slightly in acceptance.  _

_ “Good,” the other man smiled slightly. “I’m glad you understand. Inoichi is going to put the seal in your mind, and you’ll be put back under watch until you can leave the hospital. You’ll be relieved from ANBU effective the second you leave this building.” _

_ “Understood,” Genma murmured. Inoichi placed his hands on Genma’s head, once again delving into the tokujo’s mind. _

  
  
  


_ “Seriously, Gen,” Raido pounced on him as soon as he left the hospital. “What the fuck happened? You scared the shit out of me.” _

_ “Huh? What are you talking about?” Genma asked, head cocked slightly in confusion. _

_ “Don’t pull that shit with me,” the scarred man chided.  _

_ “I really don’t know what you’re talking about, though,” Genma confessed, and Raido seemed to sense the sincerity in the words. _

_ “Fine,” he conceded. “What’s the last thing you remember from your mission?” _

_ Genma furrowed his brows in concentration. He’d been trying to tune out those god-awful shrieks his target kept making, and… _

_ “I remember thinking about Kakashi’s ass, and then-” he cut himself off, looking up at his best friend.  _

_ “Do you want to go get dango?” he asked, a memory of trying to get his mom to eat the green dumpling ‘in case it tasted like spinach’ having suddenly surfaced. Raido looked at him like he was insane. _

  
  
  


_ He stood near Aoba and Raido at the mass funeral. _

_ “Yamanaka Inoichi.” _

_ Genma froze as suppressed memories flooded into his mind. He took a breath to steady himself, checking to see that no one had noticed him spacing out before he realized that no one was in their right state of mind at the moment.  _

**_Wait, Inoichi-san said the seal would discharge if it was broken by force. What the hell does that even mean?_ **

_ Genma’s eyes flitted over to a silently crying Ino. _

**_This isn’t the time to ask. Hopefully, it’s something that can wait a few weeks._ **

  
  
  


_ “Ino,” he greeted, walking into the flower shop. The blonde looked up from a magazine in surprise. _

_ “Genma-senpai,” she greeted back, face slinking into a knowing leer. _

**_I don’t like that look on her face. I guess it’s better than seeing her cry, though…_ **

_ “Can I help you with something?” she asked. _

_ “Yes, with two things actually,” he responded, looking around. “What happens if a seal that interferes with memory recall is broken by force and discharges? Also, do you have any white carnations?” _

_ The teenager stared at him for a full minute before responding. _

_ “It can vary from person to person,” she responded slowly, eyeing him carefully as she stepped out from behind the counter. “Usually, it just makes people remember things at random times. Sometimes it will happen during the day, but for most people it happens when they’re asleep. It should wear off after a few months. How many flowers did you need?” _

_ “Ah, just two, I think,” he responded. He paid for the flowers and thanked Ino for her help, turning towards the door.  _

_ “Senpai,” she called out softly before he could take a step, “are you really alright?” _

_ Genma turned back to her with a small but reassuring smile.  _

_ “I’m alright,” he assured her. “If I give you a reason to think otherwise, feel free to make me cluck like a chicken or bark at your neighbors.” _

_ Ino’s smile steadied, and Genma waved over his shoulder before taking off in the direction of the cemetery.  _

  
  
  
**XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX**   
  
  
  


The illusion dissolved, leaving the group in stunned silence. Raido looked to his left, noting the horror and sadness in Kakashi’s eyes, then right, to Shikamaru’s stony grimace. Finally, he looked at Genma, only to see the other man chewing nervously on a senbon and refusing to meet anyone’s eyes. 

“Well,” he attempted feebly, “at least that’s out of the way now.”

They fell into an awkward silence for a few moments.

“For fuck’s sake, somebody say something,” Genma demanded. 

“What exactly are we supposed to say to that, senpai?” Shikamaru asked. Genma didn’t answer. Two excruciatingly long minutes later, Kakashi spoke.

“Why didn’t I ever hear about this?” he murmured, and Genma sighed in relief. 

“About three hours after I left, the Uchiha massacre was discovered,” Raido filled in. “Everything else kind of fell by the wayside.”

Kakashi nodded once in understanding. 

“Senpai,” Shikamaru hesitated, “what are you going to tell Kankuro-san?”

“I was hoping to just leave it at being captured and tortured,” Genma replied, swishing his senbon. “That isn’t going to cut it, is it?”

“I’ll handle it,” Raido spoke up suddenly. “I’ll more or less tell him the truth, but I won’t go into detail or give information he doesn’t specifically ask for.”

Genma finally looked Raido in the eyes and nodded once before yawning widely. 

“I’m tired now,” he said. “That took more chakra than I thought it would.”

Raido motioned to Shikamaru that they should leave. He clapped Genma on the shoulder, trying to convey what words couldn’t, and gave his friend a sad smile. He nodded to Kakashi and followed Shikamaru out of the room, closing the door behind him.

He held his composure until he was alone, under the scalding spray of the shower. Knowing something like that had happened was bad enough. Hearing it being described was even worse. 

Experiencing every thought and sensation first-hand, even knowing it wasn’t real and turned out okay, was like living Hell. 

He’d known the man had tried to commit suicide when he’d gotten his orders from Inoichi, but he’d had  _ no idea _ how much agony his best friend had truly been in.

Raido closed his eyes, leaning into the spray, and allowed himself to shed the tears he knew Genma had never shed for himself.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


__

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who skipped the flashback, or anyone who might be confused, here's what's important: Genma's cover was blown on a mission and he was captured. He was drugged with a sort of truth serum and forced to spill every Konoha secret he knew, putting the village in danger. The knowledge that he'd given away that much information and put everyone at risk was what made him nearly lose his sanity, so Yamanaka Inoichi put a seal in his head that affected memory recall. He got his memory back after the war, because the seal broke when Inoichi died.


	15. Tell Me Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raido and Shikamaru have left, and Kakashi desperately wants to take Genma's mind off of that mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of this chapter (read: the smut that happens between the first two sections) will be uploaded to "Icha Icha Spectacle" soon, for those that want to go read it. 
> 
> Sorry for any spelling/grammar/readability issues. My eyes started swimming when I tried to proofread.

The door closed softly behind Shikamaru and Raido, leaving Kakashi and Genma in the most oppressive and uncomfortable silence of their lives.

“Ano,” Kakashi began awkwardly, “do you get off to the memory of my ass often, or was that a one-time thing?”

Genma looked at him incredulously. 

“That’s what stuck with you?” he asked with a raised brow.

_ Not even close. But dwelling on the past can’t change it. You meant it when you said you were okay, so I have to trust you. _

“Mn,” he confirmed, knowing the other man saw through the lie easily. “You didn’t answer me.”

Genma smiled gratefully, recognizing the attempt to move forward. Suddenly, the smile turned into a smirk.

“That was the only time that image made me cum,” Genma leered. Kakashi opened his mouth to fire back a retort when he was cut off.

“All the other times I came thinking about you,” he continued, crawling into Kakashi’s personal space, “my fantasies were a lot more graphic.”

“Ah,” Kakashi floundered, Genma now straddling him. “Right.”

“You know I stopped showering in the barracks because of you?” Genma said with a smirk as he pulled Kakashi’s forehead protector off.

“Mn?” he asked in response, placing his hands on Genma’s thighs. “Why’s that?”

“Because you kept bending over to do shit and it started making me horny,” Genma accused. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable by staring uncontrollably at your ass.”

Genma kissed him through the mask, slow and sweet. Kakashi broke away, remembering what the other man had said earlier.

“When you said ‘all the other times,’” he began, “how many times was that?”

“I lost count,” Genma answered bluntly. Kakashi blinked.

“What?” Genma asked defensively. “I’ve always found you attractive.”

Kakashi blinked again, unprepared for the admission.

“Can you blame me for having eyes and a functional libido since I was thirteen?” Genma was starting to fidget uncomfortably in his lap. 

“It’s not like I  _ meant _ to notice how tight your ass is,” Genma pouted slightly. “I couldn’t help it. It was right in front of me, taunting me.”

_ Oh, he’s embarrassed. _

Kakashi pulled Genma in for another masked kiss, wrapping his arms around the brunette’s waist. He pulled back and rested his chin over Genma’s shoulder.

“You said your fantasies were graphic,” he murmured into Genma’s ear. “Care to share any with me?”

_ Maybe this will help us take our minds off that genjutsu once and for all.  _

“I don’t know that you’d like them,” Genma hesitated. “I was the top in pretty much all of them.”

Kakashi thought about the feeling of Genma’s chakra prodding his prostate and suppressed a shudder.

“Tell me anyway,” he implored, voice lowered slightly. 

“There’s really not much to tell,” Genma confessed. “I’d just imagine I was screwing you.”

Kakashi swatted at Genma’s backside. 

“Do better,” he drawled. “Say it sexier. Be descriptive. Think  _ Icha Icha _ thoughts.”

_ Please say dirty things in my ear please say dirty things in my ear... _

When Genma didn’t respond immediately, Kakashi continued.

“Make me want it,” Kakashi purred in Genma’s ear, and the other man finally seemed to understand his intentions. Genma leaned back slightly and placed his hands against Kakashi’s chest in blatant hesitation.

“Gen?” Kakashi asked gently, concerned at the abrupt change in the other man’s behavior.

_ Is he still thinking about that mission? _

“Maybe some other time?” the brunette asked cautiously. 

“Of course,” Kakashi slowly intertwined their hands, then startled at how natural the action felt. “I shouldn’t have tried to force the mood.”

“It’s not that, it’s just-,” Genma cut himself off with a yawn, yanking a hand free to cover his mouth. 

“I’m really tired,” Genma confessed weakly, looking somewhere to Kakashi’s left. The silver-haired man watched in fascination as the top of Genma’s cheeks were lightly dusted pink, betraying his embarrassment.

“Of all the things you could be embarrassed about,” Kakashi began with a light chuckle, “you choose normal bodily functions.”

“It’s not like I can help it!” Genma defended, blush deepening as he spoke. 

_ He’s really cute like this… though he’d probably get angry if I said that out loud. Then again, that might just make him even cuter…  _

The direction his thoughts had taken made Kakashi’s chuckles turn into light laughter.

“You’re laughing at me!” Genma complained, burying his face in his hands. 

“I’m not laughing at you, I promise,” Kakashi lied, pulling the other man firmly into his arms. “I was just thinking about how cute you are.”

“I’m not cute!” came the muffled denial against his shoulder. “Stop laughing at me!”

Genma started to struggle against him, fueling Kakashi’s chuckles. Kakashi tightened his grip on the other man, muffled threats and insults causing him to shake with repressed laughter.

“You- are-  _ so _ \- cute,” he wheezed. “Almost- as cute- as Pakkun- when he was a- hngh!”

Kakashi’s sentence cut off with a groan as Genma bucked against his partial erection.

_ Wait, how long has that been there? _

Genma stopped moving briefly, then shifted his hips against Kakashi. 

“What were you saying about Pakkun?” Genma teased in Kakashi’s ear. Genma slowly ground himself against Kakashi, causing the younger man to bite back the sounds that threatened to escape. He could feel the other man’s growing arousal against his own.

“I thought you were too tired for sex,” Kakashi huffed, hands moving down Genma’s back. 

“I was, but then you insulted me,” Genma sassed, “and now I demand that you make it up to me.”

“And how do you propose I do that?” Kakashi asked as Genma pulled his mask down. 

“Since your mouth was the problem, it’s only fitting that your mouth be part of the solution,” Genma smirked, leaning in, and Kakashi hesitated.

“I don’t know how to give a blowjob,” Kakashi blurted, blinking once. Genma blinked in response, evidently surprised by the outburst.

_ Wait, is that not what he meant? _

“I’m willing to try,” Kakashi hedged, “just don’t expect it to be very good.”

“I’m sure you’d do fine,” Genma assured him, smirk softened by the tenderness in his eyes. “Just don’t bite.” 

“I know that much at least,” Kakashi groused. Genma kissed him quickly and tapped on his arms, signaling he wanted to get up. Kakashi followed him to the bed, trying to clamp down on his sudden panic.

_ What if I can’t do it?! He’s pretty thick, what if I bite him on accident?! What if I choke, what if I- _

A bottle of lube hit him in the face, interrupting his thoughts. Kakashi caught the bottle as it fell and raised an eyebrow in question.

“You were panicking,” Genma explained, grabbing at Kakashi’s shirt. “Don’t overthink it.”

“I know,” Kakashi said with a slight frown as his shirt was pulled off.

“I’ll talk you through it,” Genma promised. “I won’t ask you to do anything you don’t want to.”

Kakashi nodded slowly and held up the bottle of lube. 

“And this?” he asked. Genma grinned, laying back on the bed.

“I said your mouth would be  _ part _ of the solution,” the brunette said cheekily. “I figure the time it takes to stretch me should be long enough to say you tried blowing me.”

  
  


\----- ----- -----

  
  


“You’re restless,” Kakashi murmured into Genma’s hair. Genma stilled briefly, then shifted in his arms to face Kakashi.

“I’m sorry if I woke you,” Genma replied softly, snaking an arm around Kakashi’s shoulder and pressing in close.

“Tell me what’s bothering you?” Kakashi rolled onto his back, pulling the other man onto him. Genma shifted, settling into the embrace with a contented hum.

“Worried about Raido and Shikamaru,” the brunette admitted quietly. 

“They’re tough,” Kakashi assured him, absently stroking light brown locks. 

“I know,” Genma whispered, and Kakashi detected a hint of pride in the other man’s voice. “I know they can handle it, but that doesn’t mean they should  _ have _ to.”

Kakashi hummed in response and rubbed little circles into Genma’s back. A few moments passed in comfortable silence, and Kakashi closed his eyes. Genma shifted suddenly, and the silver-haired man opened his eyes to see the warm cinnamon of Genma’s own studying him.

_ His hair really is starting to get long… _

Kakashi brushed Genma’s fringe out of his eyes, quirking a brow in question.

“Sakura asked you something this morning,” Genma stated, clearly expecting an explanation. Kakashi smiled, remembering his former student’s cautious query.

_ ‘Kaka-sensei, are you happy? Or, at least, do you think you could be?’ _

“She did,” Kakashi confirmed. “Actually, she was the only one who asked anything important.”

Genma tilted his head slightly, patiently waiting to hear what the pinkette had asked him. 

“She asked me if I was happy,” Kakashi concluded. Genma blinked, surprise evident as he processed the new information. Then the surprise melted away as Genma smiled at Kakashi with more open emotion than he’d ever seen on the other man’s face, stealing the younger man’s breath away completely.

He’d seen versions of this expression on the other man’s face before, on the few occasions he’d gone on ANBU missions with Genma. The first time he’d seen it, he’d taken the other man aside and warned him not to get attached to their target, only for the other teen to laugh and apologize for alarming him. Knowing it was an act did nothing to ease his mind at the time, because that look had seemed so  _ real, _ so  _ genuine _ . That was how Asuma had looked at Kurenai when he thought no one was watching, how Minato-sensei looked whenever Kushina-san’s name was even  _ mentioned _ . 

Looking at Genma now, Kakashi finally understood that those other expressions were watered down forgeries in comparison to the real thing, nothing more than careful imitations of men who were  _ actually _ in love. The realization that the man currently using him as a pillow had managed such tender faces without feeling anything at all sent a sudden shock of irrational fear through him.

Something must have shown on his face, because Genma’s fell in concern. A pang of regret stole Kakashi’s breath for the second time in as many minutes at the loss of his lover’s smile.

“Kashi?” Genma asked gently, bringing a hand up to rest against Kakashi’s cheek. The gesture instantly soothed him, allowing rational thought to return.

“I’m okay,” Kakashi assured, placing his hand over Genma’s and leaning into the touch. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, willing his heart to calm down. 

He opened his eyes with a sigh, moving his head slightly to kiss Genma’s wrist. Genma smiled and moved to lay on his side, and Kakashi rolled to mirror his position so that they were facing each other. 

“Tell me?” Genma murmured, moving his hand to rest on the back of Kakashi’s neck.

“I just remembered how dangerous your smile could be,” Kakashi admitted, wrapping his arm around Genma’s back. The assassin searched him for something unknown. 

“Do you want to know why I went on those missions?” he asked quietly. 

“You were ordered to,” Kakashi answered, voice pitching as though it were a question.

“I volunteered for them,” Genma corrected. Kakashi’s eyes widened briefly in surprise.

“When I was 15,” he continued quietly, “I was sent on a mission with a team I hadn’t worked with before. I started to suspect that the captain had been forcing himself on his tent-mate, so I switched tents to be with the captain instead. It didn’t take long to confirm my suspicions.”

Genma paused, frowning slightly.

“After the third or fourth time, I realized that he was intentionally trying to hurt me,” Genma smirked slightly before continuing. “I would have realized sooner, but there wasn’t exactly enough there to hurt me  _ with _ .”

Kakashi snorted softly in response, shoving down his disgust at the situation.

“By the time I realized that,” Genma continued, “we were less than a day from the Kusa border. As soon as we crossed, he started acting differently. He started calling for breaks more often, and looking around more. If the other two guys noticed, they didn’t say anything. He called for a break and said he was going to scout the area, so I tailed him.”

Kakashi narrowed his eyes subconsciously. He had a feeling he knew where this was going, and it wasn’t anything good.

“He met up with two other Grass nin,” Genma revealed. “I overheard their conversation and watched them seal one of the nin into a scroll, then killed the third person once the spy was gone. The scroll we were sent to retrieve had been moved to Iwa, so I followed along with the rest of the mission like nothing was wrong until we got back to Konoha.”

“They were attempting to assassinate the Hokage,” Kakashi surmised, and Genma nodded.

“Sandaime-sama took the scroll and dismissed us,” he continued. “The other two guys left, but the spy and I both stayed behind. Sandaime-sama asked if we needed something else, and I asked if people needed to be alive for Inoichi-sensei’s jutsu to work. He asked me why I wanted to know, but the spy collapsed before I could answer.”

Kakashi tilted his head in confusion, silently asking why the man had collapsed.

“Oh, I’d poisoned him once we got close to Konoha,” Genma chirped. “Anyway, he collapsed, and I pointed at him and said that was why I asked, and that I needed to know whether or not to use the antidote. It’s a good thing the old man was able to figure out he was a spy as quickly as he did, since that gave me an opportunity to tell him not to open the scroll.”

“But that isn’t the point of this story, is it?” Kakashi asked, remembering the start of this conversation.

“I’m getting there,” Genma admonished with a smirk before leaning in to nip Kakashi’s shoulder. Kakashi swatted the man’s backside in response, then pulled Genma’s leg over his hip.

“After I explained everything to the Hokage,” Genma continued. “Shikaku-taicho appeared and said something to Sandaime, then asked me why I switched tents if I knew what would happen.”

Genma paused, and Kakashi frowned. He was wondering the same thing.

“What did you say back to him?” he asked, curiosity peaking.

“‘I can endure anything that happens to me,’” Genma began seriously, “‘if it means that no one else has to.’ A week later, I was put on the ANBU roster. I volunteered for those missions so that no one would be  _ ordered _ into it, because they had to be done. It didn’t matter to the village who did them, so I decided it would be best if it was me.”

There was something strange twinging the other man’s voice, deepening Kakashi’s frown. Genma looked at him with some indecipherable emotion.

“I don’t regret any of it,” Genma said. “I’d do it all again if I had to.”

“But?” Kakashi asked gently. 

“But on that mission a few months ago,” Genma’s voice dropped to a whisper, “for the first time in my life, I wished it wasn’t me.”

Kakashi felt his heart break at the guilt and shame in the other man’s voice, knowing that admitting something like that was akin to cutting out a part of himself that he hated and displaying for all to see.

“I didn’t mean that I wished it was you,” Genma quickly amended, bordering on panic. “Seeing your look of relief was the only thing that kept me going. It’s not that I wished someone else had done it, it’s that I wished it didn’t have to happen at all. You understand the difference, right?”

The desperation in Genma’s voice was unmistakable, and Kakashi held him closer in response. He kissed the tokujo’s forehead and told him that he understood completely. 

_ He must be so conflicted about Shikamaru, then. Relieved that he doesn’t have to do it anymore, then guilt for feeling relieved. Not to mention how much he looked up to Shikaku, how close he was to Asuma… _

Genma pulled him into a languid kiss that left him dizzy and in need of oxygen. Kakashi pulled away to gasp for breath, only for Genma to pull him back into a kiss that was much deeper than the first. Genma’s hand wound into silver locks and tugged, causing Kakashi to open his mouth in surprise. Genma’s tongue invaded his mouth, tangling with his own. A low groan escaped unbidden as Genma lightly sucked his tongue, and he felt himself start to swell.

Kakashi pulled Genma’s leg higher over his hip, noticing the press of hard flesh against his thigh. Genma pulled away from the kiss with a gasp and smirked at Kakashi.

“At least one good thing came from going on all those missions,” he leered. 

“You give amazing head,” Kakashi supplied in full seriousness, and Genma’s smirk spread.

“There’s that,” he purred and shifted to that Kakashi’s leg was now over his hip. “And the fact that I can give it as good as I take it.”

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- 

  
  


A bird chirped loudly outside the window, waking Kakashi. Deciding it wasn’t worth his attention, he relaxed once more into the warmth that surrounded him.

_ I was having such a nice dream, too… _

Kakashi’s eyes flew open at the thought, completely stunned.

_ That can’t be right... _

Kakashi did not, as a general rule, have nice dreams. He rarely dreamed at all, and the occasions he did dream usually ended with him waking up in a cold sweat. He’d stopped rushing to the sink to scrub his hands raw years ago, but the nightmares hadn’t faded until much, much later.

His heated blanket shifted slightly, alerting Kakashi to the fact that Genma was also awake. Kakashi slowly processed the way they were tangled, coming to the baffling realization that Genma had somehow managed to completely surround him.

_ There’s no way we actually fucking slept in this position. _

“Gen?” he called out quietly. 

“Mmph?” Genma’s responding grunt sounded from somewhere near his lower back. 

“How exactly did we end up like this?” Kakashi asked, glancing warily at the confounding way his leg was hitched over the other man’s shoulder.

“Hmn,” Genma answered noncommittally and wriggled. He patted Kakashi’s backside lazily in reassurance, bringing the younger man’s attention to the dull ache in his rear.

_ It’s certainly noticeable, but it’s nowhere near as painful as a kunai.  _

A quick glance at the window told him that it was nearing time for them to wake up anyway. Carefully, he reached behind his back and stroked awkwardly at Genma’s head, his elbow sticking out precariously.

“We need to get up soon,” he said quietly. Genma responded by tightening his grasp on the captive man.

_ Seriously, why is his knee wedged between my shoulder blades?! _

“Don’t make me pull rank on you again,” Kakashi teased lightly. Genma shifted again and nipped him in the rear, causing Kakashi to sputter slightly in indignation. Genma chuckled deep in his throat and stroked his ass lovingly before finally moving to untangle their limbs. 

“You’re going to regret sleeping like that,” Kakashi said dryly. Genma grunted again in response and flopped off of the bed. The pair began putting themselves together one piece of uniform at a time. 

When they were finally ready to face the day, Kakashi led the way out of their shared room with  _ Icha Icha Tactics _ in hand, Genma trudging along stiffly behind him.

As they neared the dining hall, Kakashi picked up the sound of excited voices. He slowed his footsteps, listening to the conversation he was about to walk into. Genma came up beside him, stopping him with a hand on his shoulder. 

_ They’re asking about us again… _

Kakashi sighed at the thought of being questioned again. From the sound of it, they’d given more thought to their questions, too.

“Damn,” Genma muttered beside him, the first coherent word he’d spoken yet. “I was hoping to catch Shikamaru and Raido before we got back to work.”

_ He’s still worried about them after all… _

“One interrogation was bad enough,” Kakashi huffed. “Now they’re had time to think about what to ask us.”

“Well,” Genma began, and Kakashi looked over to find a demented gleam in his lover’s eyes, “I guess someone has to teach them not to ask questions they don’t want to know the answer to.”

Kakashi sighed, feigning exasperation, and the pair started toward their shared doom. 

“We don’t answer anything about our relationship,” Kakashi muttered quietly.

“Agreed,” Genma replied, just as quietly. 

Kakashi turned his attention back to his favorite book as he turned, opening the door to the dining hall with a shove of his body. He paused long enough for Genma to saunter into the room with his hands in his pockets, a bored expression plastered on his face.

_ Well, here it comes. Again. _

  
  



	16. No Witness, No Proof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The interrogation continues, and the mission finishes. Genma and Raido are just glad to be home.

“No, Naruto,” Sakura began with an exasperated sigh, “you can’t ask Genma-senpai what ‘ramen ever did’ to him.”

“But, but,” Naruto stammered, “Sakura-chan!”

“I agree with Sakura-san,” Kankuro pitched in. “The last thing we want to do is annoy him this early in the morning.”

_ If what Raido-san said is true, then he might be in an even worse mood than usual. I still don’t know if I should bring it up with him or not. I guess I should stay close to Raido-san when he gets in here, since he’ll be able to gauge Genma-san’s mood. _

“Shikamaru,” Temari turned to the shadow-nin, “you’re pretty close to them, aren’t you? What do you think we should ask?”

Shikamaru’s focus settled on his empty mug of coffee in contemplation, before he looked up and spoke. 

“Ask if they have any regrets,” he answered simply. Sakura added the question to the growing list in front of her.

“I know!” Naruto exclaimed, slamming his palms on the table. “We should ask them what their Ninja Ways are!”

Kankuro noticed Raido’s face twitch out of the corner of his eye.

“That’s an excellent question, Naruto-kun,” the scarred nin said, prompting the sunny-haired youth to beam triumphantly. 

The door opened suddenly, and Genma sauntered lazily into the room, followed by a quietly reading Kakashi. Kankuro looked over to Raido just in time to see the older man’s eyes widen marginally before his face twitched again.

_ Is he... is he suppressing a smile? That’s a good sign, right?  _

The tokujo ambled over to the coffee pot and poured himself a mug of the steaming beverage before walking around the long table. He clapped Shikamaru twice on the shoulder, to which the younger man grunted, and continued past Kankuro to sit on the other side of Raido. He nodded once at Kankuro and started loading up his plate with food. The puppet-nin saw Kakashi sit down between Kitsuchi and Darui in his peripheral vision.

“Senpai,” Togetsu called out, directly into Kankuro’s ear. Genma looked over at the Kiri-nin without changing his expression.

“Why aren’t you and Kakashi-senpai sitting together?” he asked, drawing attention from the rest of the room. 

“Because I wanted to sit by Raido,” Genma drawled around a bite of egg, “and he wanted to sit by Kitsuchi-san and Darui-san.”

“But you two are romantically involved, aren’t you?” the young shinobi pressed, unsatisfied by Genma’s answer. “Did you two have a fight?”

Kankuro repressed the urge to slam his palm into his forehead at the tactless questioning.

_ Why am I caught in the middle of this? _

“Togetsu,” Kankuro waved the other teen off, “why don’t we just stick to the list for now?”

Togetsu pouted slightly and opened his mouth to fire back a retort when Kakashi’s voice sounded from further along the table.

“The what?” he asked incredulously.

“You brats made a  _ list? _ ” Genma followed in disbelief. 

“It wasn’t just them,” Raido said.

“It’s dull,” Darui began sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his head, “but the rest of us have some questions too.”

Genma muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like “goddamn conspiracy” and poked at another piece of egg with his chopsticks. 

“Well?” he demanded. “Get on with it. We don’t have all day.”

“Right,” Sakura, who was in charge of the list, said. “The first one is for Genma-senpai, from me. Why aren’t you a medic? You have excellent chakra control, you can use the Mystic Palm Healing Technique, and it’s not like you’re a stranger to poisons, so why not?”

_ He can use medical ninjutsu? _

Kankuro forced his eyes away from Sakura-  _ She really is beautiful-  _ in time to see Genma swallow his food before speaking.

“I wouldn’t be a very good medic,” he answered simply. “There’s no point in using medical jutsu on minor injuries, and I don’t have the chakra reserves to heal anything major, especially after a fight that would cause that kind of injury.”

_ That makes sense, since it’s not like watching a fight from the sidelines until you can heal your teammates is a viable option.  _

Sakura nodded once, and consulted the list again.

“The next one is for both of you, from Kitsuchi-san,” the pinkette read. “What was the best decision you ever made?”

Kakashi shared a look with Genma, who gestured for him to go first, and lowered his book.

“Accepting my first and last genin team,” the silver-haired nin answered after a short pause. Kankuro, along with most other shinobi present, turned to look at a beaming Naruto and a slightly blushing Sakura.

“What about you, senpai?” Sakura asked, getting back to the interrogation at hand. Kankuro turned his attention to Genma, whose brows furrowed slightly in contemplation as he sipped at his coffee. His face relaxed and he set down his drink.

“Getting a vasectomy,” he answered flatly, and turned his attention back to his food, ignoring the shocked stares from around the room. 

“That isn’t in your medical records,” Sakura blurted, suddenly alarmed. “When did you have the procedure?”

_ Why does she have his medical record memorized?  _

“When I was fifteen,” Genma looked at the pinkette, brows furrowed again. “That should be in my records.”

_ That young?! That’s a pretty permanent decision! Is that even legal?! _

Kankuro stared at the Leaf ninja in disbelief, along with everyone present except Kakashi and Raido. 

“We were still at war,” Raido began contemplatively, “maybe the paperwork was never processed?”

“Now that I think about it,” Kakashi began, “Rin mentioned something about a genin squad accidentally destroying a year’s worth of paperwork around that time.”

Genma and Raido nodded their heads in acceptance before turning back to their food. The room was silent for a full minute as the other ninja present struggled to find an appropriate response.

“Genma-san,” Kitsuchi began evenly, “if you don’t mind my asking, what led you to that decision?”

The addressed man looked up at the sound of his name, and every eye trained on him as they anticipated his response. Genma finished chewing his food and swallowed.

“The first mission I led as a chunin,” he began darkly, “was an escort for a wealthy merchant’s pregnant wife. There weren’t any field medics available at the time because of the war, and we thought it would be fine because she wasn’t due for nearly a month, but she ended up going into labor about halfway through the trip.”

Genma paused, face paling slightly, and pushed his plate away.

“To make a long story short,” he continued flatly, “I ended up having to pull the baby out of her, and it was traumatizing for everyone involved. Next question, please.” 

Kankuro stopped chewing, the bite of egg in his mouth suddenly feeling like rubber. He noticed several others push their plates away, and Sakura’s voice broke the silence once again.

“You can’t just pull a baby out of someone!” Sakura exclaimed. Genma exhaled sharply and turned a frustrated glare on the medic.

“It was either that or leave it hanging halfway out of an unconscious woman,” he snapped. “I made a decision, I dealt with the consequences. Ask the next question.”

_ ‘Consequences?’ Did the baby not make it? That would certainly be a reason to not want kids… _

“Genma, you’re speaking ambiguously again,” Raido intoned without looking up from his food. “They’re going to think that the baby died.”

“Huh?” Genma finally seemed to notice the shocked and confused glances from around the table. 

“Oh,” he drawled, “both the kid and the mother turned out fine. The father almost had a heart attack when we arrived though.”

The room was silent for a moment as everyone fought to suppress the urge to slam their palms into their faces at the misunderstanding.

“Right,” Sakura said dryly, looking back down to her list. “The next one is for both of you, from Mizukage-sama. What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone?”

Genma opened his mouth to speak, but Kankuro cut him off.

“It doesn’t count if it was for a mission,” he said, and Genma’s mouth snapped shut. He shared a questioning glance with Kakashi, who looked at his plate in consideration, and looked up at the ceiling in thought. The room was silent once again as the ninja struggled to think of something. Suddenly, Genma perked up.

“The first time we met, I told Anko that her hair looked nice,” he said cheerfully.

_ Wasn’t that the exam proctor for the second round?  _

“Then she shoved a dango stick down my throat, and I had to go to the hospital to get it removed. We’ve been friends ever since,” Genma finished with a fond smile.

_ How is that romantic?! That’s just violent! _

Genma looked over to Kakashi, ignoring the incredulous looks thrown his way. Kakashi’s brow furrow deepened briefly, before he too perked up.

“I paid your bar tab, that time you blacked out,” the masked man announced, looking at Genma. 

_ That isn’t romantic either!  _

“You did?” Genma seemed doubtful.

“Well,” Kakashi began, “I took the money out of your wallet and carried it over to Ayako-san.”

The room fell silent again.

“Good enough for me,” Genma quipped, turning back to Sakura. “What’s the next one?”

Kankuro noticed a delicate pink eyebrow twitch, and swallowed hesitantly.

“The next one is for the pincushion, from everyone,” Sakura announced, irritation leaking into her voice. “What does Kakashi-sensei’s face look like?”

Genma glanced over at Kakashi, then looked back to Sakura.

“That  _ is _ his face,” he gestured lazily at the masked man with his chopsticks. A vein in Sakura’s temple throbbed.

“What does his face look like _ under the mask? _ ” she rephrased.

“It looks like a face,” Genma deadpanned. “Next question.”

Sakura’s chest heaved slightly as she fought to control her temper, and Kankuro prepared to act as a buffer between the pinkette and the senbon user.

_ Jeez, this guy… _

“Right,” she grit out. “The next one is for both of you, from Shikamaru. Do you have any regrets?”

“Yes,” Kakashi said simply without explanation. When he made no move to elaborate, attention shifted to Genma. His gaze lost focus and his brows furrowed marginally as he searched his memories, looking at Shikamaru to answer the question.

“When I was five,” he began, “my mom caught me trying to use her underwear to slingshot a cat out of a window.”

“You never mentioned you had a cat growing up,” Raido commented conversationally.

“I didn’t,” Genma answered flatly, provoking more awkward silence.

_ Then… whose cat was it?  _

“Senpai,” Shikamaru began, bewildered. “Why were you trying to slingshot a cat out of a window?”

“Cat needed to pay for its crimes,” Genma’s expression darkened slightly as he bit out his answer. “Next question.”

_ What ‘crimes?!’ Seriously, is this guy okay?! Kakashi-san, what do you even see in him?! I don’t understand! _

“Okay, this is the last one,” Sakura said, annoyance giving way to acceptance. “It’s for both of you, from Naruto. What is your Ninja Way?”

“I’ll never let my comrades die,” Kakashi answered honorably, then nodded to Genma.

“No witness, no proof,” Genma said jovially, then looked up at Kakashi. “Yours sounds better. I’m using that next time.”

Kankuro sighed from the depths of his soul, as did several other shinobi present.

_ They’re traveling back to Suna with us… Kami, help me… _

  
  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Genma POV

  
  
  


They were finally done with their mission, going over the mission with Tsunade. Genma wouldn’t wait to finally sleep in his own bed. He never slept especially well on missions, though sleeping next to Kakashi had been nice. 

The sex had been even nicer. So nice, in fact, that Genma briefly wondered how he had managed to spend the last eight years in celibacy, before remembering that he masturbated on a regular basis. 

_ I wonder if Kakashi ever masturbates. I’ll have to ask him about that sometime… _

Genma was pulled from his musings as the group was dismissed. He followed Kakashi out of the Hokage’s office and into the bustling street, heading towards the other man’s apartment with his hands in his pockets. Hiding their relationship wasn’t a viable option, but blatantly advertising it wasn’t a good idea either: while shinobi were generally open to the idea of same-sex relationships, civillians tended to be less accepting. With Tsunade pushing for Kakashi to take over as Hokage, Genma was acutely aware of the blaring targets they had placed on each other’s backs. 

The night before they began the return trip to Konoha, Genma had personally asked the leaders from the other nations to keep their relationship a secret. Having a few allies know of their situation could prove useful if something went wrong, but having the entire shinobi world know would only increase the chances of something going wrong in the first place. The black market price on Genma’s head alone was enough of a concern, but the price on Kakashi’s head was so high that even thinking about it caused Genma’s mouth to go dry and his chest to ache. 

They reached the entrance to Kakashi’s apartment building, and Genma mentally shook himself back to the present.

_ Worrying about it won’t change anything. Panicking will only make things worse. You told him to let himself be happy, now follow your own damn advice.  _

He followed Kakashi up the stairs, eyes honing in on the shift of fabric covering his backside. 

_ I should volunteer to do his laundry so I can shrink all his clothes. Not a lot, just enough to show off that ass.  _

Genma smirked lightly to himself as they reached the correct door and Kakashi fished in his pocket for his key. The lock clicked, and Kakashi opened the door to let them in, kicking shut after Genma stepped into the apartment. They shed their ninja gear at the door, and Genma accepted Kakashi’s offer of tea. Once their tea was poured, he came up behind Kakashi and wrapped him in his arms, walking them both backward until Genma’s lower back rested against the counter. He settled his chin on Kakashi’s shoulder, nuzzling into a masked neck.

“I need your help figuring something out,” he murmured. Kakashi’s head turned a fraction, indicating that he was listening. 

“See, there’s this guy I like,” he began, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. “He’s talented, and intelligent, and way out of my league.”

Kakashi turned slightly towards Genma, a silent admonition in his eyes and a slight frown tugging his mask. Genma squeezed him once in reassurance and continued.

“There’s just one problem,” he sighed dramatically, pausing for effect. Kakashi’s features shifted into amusement, and Genma plastered on a comically fake look of chagrin.

“I want to take him on a date,” he stage-whispered in mock horror. Kakashi snorted out a harsh breath, a mixture of amusement and disbelief, and knocked his head back against Genma’s.

“What do I doooo?” Genma moaned theatrically, swaying the man in his arms in exaggerated distress. 

“What if I bring him flowers and he haaates meee?” Genma wailed and swung a chuckling Kakashi around violently.

“Tell me how to woooo hiiimm, Kaaaashiiii,” Genma begged melodramatically, lifting the now laughing man off the ground to fling him in a circle around the kitchen.

“Okay, okay!” Kakashi conceded with a breathless laugh. “Put me down already!”

Genma set him down with a smile and fit his cheek against Kakashi’s masked one. 

“Dinner tomorrow?” he asked, much calmer now.

“Mn,” Kakashi agreed. “Does seven work?”

“Seven is perfect,” he answered. “Start thinking about where you want to eat. I’ll pick you up.” 

“Your apartment is halfway across the village,” Kakashi reminded him. “We could just meet somewhere.”

“Yeah, nice try,” Genma snarked. “If I agree to that, you’re going to show up late and in your uniform. I’m going to show up at your apartment door at seven, force you into normal clothes if I have to, and drag your ass to wherever you want to eat.”

Kakashi levelled a flat stare at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Tardiness aside,” he drawled, “why can’t I wear my uniform?”

“Because it’s a date,” Genma said matter-of-factly, and Kakashi sighed in resignation. Genma plucked the senbon from his mouth and turned to drop a kiss on his lover’s cheek. He squeezed the other man once more before letting go to reach for his cooling mug of tea, Kakashi pulling down his mask to reach for his own mug. Drinks in hand, they padded into Kakashi’s living room and sat down on the relatively new couch, the old one having been destroyed in Pein’s invasion. Kakashi leaned into Genma, dropping a quick kiss on his shoulder, and relaxed into the cushions. Genma smiled at him and quickly gulped down the rest of his tea.

_ It’s good to be home. _

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Raido POV

  
  


Raido’s eyes narrowed at his front door as he silently turned the doorknob and pushed into his apartment. His traps had been disabled. Someone was in his apartment. He silently closed the door and withdrew a kunai, then stopped and replaced it as he recognized the chakra signature in his bedroom. He shucked off his shoes and vest, followed by his weapons pouch and forehead protector, and quietly made his way to his room. 

He nudged open the door, no longer suppressing his own chakra, and paused at the sight in front of him. The lights were off, his curtains drawn to shut out the sun, and Aoba was strewn across his bed with his pants around the middle of his thighs. One hand was pressing a heating pack to his forehead, the other wrapped around his erection.

_ He hasn’t had a stress-migraine in months. I’ll have to ask him about it after his headache is gone. _

“Welcome back. I could use some help,” Aoba said quietly, the usual teasing edge to his voice gone. Raido moved into the room quietly.

“I’ve been trying to get off for over an hour,” Aoba continued, managing a weak smile. “I think you ruined me. I can’t even make myself cum anymore.”

The corner of Raido’s mouth twitched as he settled onto the bed next to the other man. 

“Hands or mouth?” he murmured. He’d just gotten back from a mission, and he felt- and probably smelled- disgusting. 

“Surprise me,” Aoba answered, and Raido smiled.

_ It’s good to be home. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aoba and Raido now have their own work, called Behind Cheap Sunglasses! It's literally just smut that follows the plot from this work, so there's nothing major that happens in the story.


	17. A Little Forethought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma takes Kakashi on a date, and the pair make an interesting bet.

Kakashi stood in the center of his bedroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, and examined the chaos he’d created. Every article of clothing he’d owned since he was a teenager- and a few pieces he couldn’t remember the origins of if his life depended on it- was strewn about the room in neat piles. 

_ Okay, let’s start from the beginning. Underwear. _

Kakashi moved closer to the pile of underwear on his desk and stopped to consider his options. Should he go with the shuriken-printed boxers, or the black boxer-briefs? He knew for a fact that Genma rarely wore actual underwear, though occasionally he wore mesh-armor shorts under his uniform. Kakashi debated internally whether or not he should even wear underwear for another two minutes before choosing the boxer-briefs with an exasperated huff.

_ I’m being ridiculous, worrying about if he’ll like it or not. If he does see it, it’ll end up on the floor anyway.  _

Kakashi slipped on the underwear with a slight blush at the direction his thoughts had taken and moved on to the stack of masked undershirts.

_ Jeez, it’s like I’m a horny teenager… Now, black mask or gray? _

He quickly decided on his usual black mask, as it would match his choice of underwear. He slipped the sleeveless shirt over his head and pulled it halfway down his chest before stopping with a slight wince.

_ Did I seriously just decide to match my underwear to my mask?!  _

He finished pulling the shirt down and closed his eyes in a moment of self-deprecation. He took three deep breaths before reopening them, and stood in front of the haphazard pile of shirts. He pulled a midnight-blue long sleeved top out of the pile and held it up to examine. He’d gotten it by accident years ago, assuming it was a uniform top without checking. 

_ It’s similar enough not to arouse suspicion. It doesn’t have the swirls on it, so it should count, right? _

Kakashi set the sweater aside and poked through the pile of shirts once more, withdrawing a pale blue sweater in the same style. 

_ Where did this even come from? At the very least, it doesn’t look like the uniform... _

He took the top into his bathroom and held it up against himself in front of the mirror. He decided that it should be different enough to appease his date and slipped it on, heading back into his room. 

_ Now pants…  _

He walked over to his pile of pants and stopped. His mouth slowly pulled into a smirk as an idea formed in his head. He sifted through the pile for an old pair of cropped black pants and slipped those on as well, followed by the knee-high mesh-armor he used to wear. He went back into the back and studied himself in the mirror from different angles, smirk firmly in place.

_ This should do quite nicely… _

He set about returning his room to its former orderly state, and tucked a bottle of lube under his pillow along with an old hand towel. 

_ A little forethought never hurts… _

Once he was satisfied with the state of his room, Kakashi grabbed  _ Icha Icha Violence _ off of his bookshelf and settled onto his couch to read while he waited for Genma. A few chapters and nearly a dozen fantasies involving him and Genma acting out various scenes from the novel later, a knock sounded at the door. He quickly marked his place in the book and stood up to meet his date, setting his novel on a side table as he walked past. He opened the door, revealing the brunette, and stepped aside to invite the other man into his apartment.

Genma smiled, and all of the air rushed out of Kakashi’s lungs. He closed the door behind Genma out of habit, eyes slowly making their way down the assassin’s body. His hair was pulled back into a spiky ponytail, a few escaped strands falling around his temples. A glint of metal drew Kakashi’s attention to the man’s exposed earlobes, currently occupied by a set of silver studs.

_ I wonder if he has his other piercings in... _

“I would have bought you flowers,” Genma teased, “but Ino was working the register, and I didn’t want to ruin whatever slim chance of privacy we have.”

Kakashi hummed noncommittally, only half listening, and continued to rake his eyes over the other man’s figure appreciatively. A black mock-neck shirt clung to him, the sleeves falling just past his elbows. Black denim pants hung low on his hips, held up by a leather belt. 

“So, where am I taking you?” Genma asked, finally turning to face Kakashi. He hummed once more in response, eyeing the visible patch of skin above his belt buckle. He made out two small bumps at the brunette’s naval and flicked his eyes up to Genma’s chest, quickly confirming that the man did, in fact, have all of his piercings in.

_ Well, the ones he kept, anyway… _

He tore his gaze away from Genma’s pectoral muscles, up to his ever-present choker, and finally up to Genma’s expectant face. 

“You don’t mind, then?” Genma asked in confirmation.

“Huh?” Kakashi blinked. 

_ Shit, what did I agree to?! _

“Oh,” Genma’s face broke into an amused smirk. “You’re back. Where do you want to eat?”

Kakashi forced down the blush that threatened to emerge at being caught checking out the other man and gave the name of the restaurant. He turned slightly and bent over to pull on his shoes, one arm braced against the wall.

_ Here, have a taste of your own goddamn medicine! _

“I haven’t been there since they reopened,” Genma offered conversationally, no hint at any loss of composure in his voice. Kakashi’s eyes narrowed slightly as he pulled on his other shoe.

_ Is he challenging me? _

“I heard from Ebisu that they completely changed the layout from what it was before,” Genma continued as Kakashi straightened up to his full height and turned to the other man. He’d heard about the changes too, that the new setting was more private and intimate than before. It was why he wanted to go there in the first place.

“Ready?” Genma asked with a slight tilt of his head. Kakashi nodded once and moved to open the door when Genma caught his outstretched arm.

“‘Kashi?” Genma murmured in his ear, thumb tracing the inside of his wrist. He turned his head a little to show he was listening, suppressing the light shiver that threatened his spine.

“That color looks really good on you,” Genma said sincerely, squeezing his wrist lightly before letting go. Kakashi smiled beneath his mask and opened the door, heart stuttering at the compliment. He made it to the end of the hall before he realized what had just transpired.

_ He just completely countered me!  _

Kakashi pouted slightly at the back of Genma’s head as they descended the stairs, idly wondering when the other man had gotten in front of him.

_ Don’t look at his ass. He wants you to notice his ass, don’t give him the satisfaction. There is absolutely nothing to look at. Whatever you do, do not think about how his ass feels around your co- well shit. _

Kakashi looked down at his crotch with a glare.

_ How the fuck did I even end up like this? Thirty years without wanting sex then Genma swoops in and now I can’t keep my cock down? Who the hell does he think he is, anyway?!  _

They exited the apartment building and Genma slowed so that they were walking side by side. 

“Do you want to take the rooftops or the streets?” Genma asked, and Kakashi tried not to notice the way the corners of his mouth turned up even though he wasn’t fully smiling. He shifted his gaze to Genma’s instead, which turned out to be equally problematic.

_ Stupid seduction expert. Stupid lips that feel amazing around my cock. Stupid melted-chocolate eyes. I don’t even like sweets. Stupid love. Stupid Genma. _

Something shifted in the melted-chocolate orbs, and Kakashi realized some of his frustration must have shown.

“‘Kashi, why are you glaring at me? ” Genma asked. “Do you not want to go out?”

Kakashi blinked in surprise. He would have missed it, hidden between concern and disappointment, had he not been looking into Genma’s eyes when it happened. 

_ He’s nervous? Over a date with me? _

Kakashi flung his arms around Genma’s neck, uncaring that other people on the street could see them. He tapped out an apology against the man’s shoulder.

“I want to go out,” he murmured in confirmation. “You’re just frustrating sometimes.”

He felt Genma huff and open his mouth to retaliate, stopping abruptly when Kakashi pressed against his thigh to clarify how exactly Genma was frustrating. Kakashi felt more than heard the low chuckle that got, and a pair of strong arms wrapped around him. 

“You up to taking the rooftops?” Genma asked against his temple. “I’m kind of starving.”

Kakashi hummed in agreement and reluctantly let go. They made their way to the nearest roof and set off towards their destination. Kakashi pulled ahead under the pretense of showing the fastest way to the restaurant. 

_ I still intend to win. _

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Genma POV

  
  
  


Kakashi was blatantly trying to seduce him, and it was  _ adorable _ . The operative word here, though, was “trying.” He was making a truly valiant effort that might have been enough to completely enrapture anyone else, but Genma  _ wasn’t _ anyone else. Oh, he was definitely enraptured by the other man, though that was hardly new. More importantly, Kakashi’s competitive nature had turned seducing him into a challenge, and if Genma gave in then the game would be over. Genma didn’t want the game to be over with quite yet. 

_ You picked the wrong opponent for this, Kakashi. _

Genma knew he could be a bit of a flirt, even without trying to be. Some of his uncle’s speaking habits and mannerisms had transferred to Genma, which had led to more than a few misunderstandings in his youth. By now, everyone around him knew better than to take any of his teasing seriously, and he was grateful for that. It was one thing to seduce a target  _ on purpose _ , and it was an entirely different thing to seduce a comrade  _ on accident _ . He had done both many times over, but seducing a comrade on purpose was something he had never considered.

If said comrade had come to him  _ first _ , and they were already  _ together,  _ and was sitting across from him in a restaurant, making a show of  _ sucking food off of his chopsticks _ , then it was perfectly within his rights to counter-seduce his comrade. 

“Yours looks really good,” Genma said, nodding at Kakashi’s food. “Can I have a taste?”

His vague yet precise wording paid off, a brief look of desire flashing across Kakashi’s eyes that was immediately followed by competitiveness. Kakashi picked up a bite of his fish and reached over to Genma’s open mouth. Genma held Kakashi’s hand in place as he closed his lips around the chopsticks and moaned low in appreciation.

_ This is actually really good. I’ll have to remember what it is the next time I come here. _

Genma backed off slowly, tracing the inside of Kakashi’s wrist with his thumb before letting go altogether. He darted his eyes up to Kakashi’s in time to see the haze of lust start to dissipate.

“Switch?” Genma offered with a sly smile. Yet again, his ambiguity paid off, this time in the form of Kakashi’s widening eyes and light blush.

_ So he hasn’t forgotten about that _ .

Kakashi opened his mouth to fire back a retort when a nearby voice made both of them freeze in their seats.

“Kakashi, my Rival!” boomed Gai. Kakashi quickly pulled his mask back up.

_ Oh no. _

“And Genma! What a coincidence!” Gai continued as Tenten wheeled him to the side of their table.

_ Oh no. _

“I was just chatting with my students about your recent prank on the corps! I commend you for your clever acting,” the green-clad ninja beamed, giving them both a thumbs up. 

_ Oh no, oh no, oh no. _

“I must admit that even I was fooled before,” Gai conceded regretfully, perking back up immediately, “but I will not be deceived so easily again!”

“Gai-sensei, we’re going to be late,” Tenten admonished. Genma internally thanked whatever deity had put the young woman before him, and decided that she was his new favorite of that generation. 

“Ah, you’re absolutely right!” Gai replied. “Kakashi, Genma, I look forward to your next test, so do your worst! Farewell, my comrades!”

Genma let out a relieved breath he hadn’t realised he was holding as the taijutsu master was carted away. He looked across the table at his date and chuckled lightly. Kakashi leveled him with an incredulous look.

“So you think it’s funny?” he asked, pulling down his mask to continue eating. “Having Gai appear out of nowhere?”

“It’s not that,” Genma smiled, waving his chopsticks a little. “I hadn’t even thought about the possibility that people might think we’re still playing a prank.”

“Ah,” Kakashi conceded with a hint of a smile. “You know, it may not be a bad idea to let people think that for a little while.”

“Mn,” Genma agreed around a bite of broccoli. “We have to tell him eventually. Though, right now I doubt he would believe us.”

Kakashi snickered around a bite of rice, and Genma smiled. It was time to get back to their game.

“So you don’t want to switch after all?” he said with faux innocence, and Kakashi’s blush threatened the tops of his cheeks. 

“Eat your food,” Kakashi admonished. “You’ll need to keep your energy up if you want to make good on your promise.”

Genma laughed and popped a bamboo shoot in his mouth with a grin. As they continued their meal, Genma carefully formed his battle plan. The pair spent the next several minutes in silence as the brunette fantasized.

_ Then after that, I’ll turn him back over and- _

“You’re quiet all of a sudden,” Kakashi said, bringing Genma back to the present.

“Ah, sorry,” he apologized, giving his most charming smile. “I was just wondering if you wanted to make a bet with me?”

“What kind of bet?” Kakashi eyed him suspiciously. Genma’s smile morphed into his best seductive leer. 

“I bet you’ll scream my name before the end of the night,” he answered confidently, and Kakashi scoffed. 

“And what do I get when I win?” Kakashi drawled, clearly convinced of the outcome. Genma’s grin widened with amusement.

“What do you want?” Genma asked, the question serving a second purpose. Kakashi’s birthday was still months away, but a little forethought and planning never hurt. 

Kakashi considered his options as he took another bite of fish. Suddenly, a predatory smirk overtook his features.

“You let me dominate you for an entire night,” he decided.

_ Oh, this is perfect. _

Genma carefully raised an eyebrow, feigning reluctance. He pretended to think about whether or not to accept the other man’s terms.

“Fine,” he conceded, “but when I win, you have to read whatever book I choose.”

Kakashi raised a brow as if to say ‘ _ that’s it?’ _ and agreed to the terms without much hesitation. Genma frequently lectured the silver-haired man about his narrow taste in literature, so there was no obvious reason for him to be suspicious of Genma’s motives. Inwardly, though, Genma could barely contain himself. His win was almost guaranteed, otherwise he wouldn’t have suggested the bet in the first place. 

_ I can’t wait to make him read one of Hiroji’s dirty novels. Those things are at least a hundred times more explicit than Icha Icha.  _

Genma paid for their meal once they finished, and the duo excitedly made their way back to Kakashi’s apartment to begin their bet.

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Kakashi POV

  
  
  


Kakashi lay bonelessly on his back, unfocused gaze trained on the ceiling.

“I lost,” he whispered to himself in disbelief. “I actually lost.”

Genma returned from his kitchen with two glasses of water, set the one that was already half empty on the shelf above his bed, and offered the full one to Kakashi.

“You cheated,” Kakashi blurted, accepting the offered glass, and Genma blinked. “I don’t know how, but you cheated.”

“Aw, ‘Kashi-kun,” Genma cooed and pinched at his cheek, “you’re so cute when you lie.”

Kakashi swallowed a mouthful of water and glared at his lover without heat. He shoved the glass at Genma in a silent demand for the other man to put it on the shelf and rolled towards the wall with a small huff. He pulled his blankets up over his nose, only for them to be yanked askew as Genma got into the bed behind him. A pair of warm arms snaked around him seconds before a pair of lips pressed against his temple. The two settled into each other, exhaustion finally catching up to them.

“So,” Genma husked sleepily, “do I get a second date?”

Kakashi smiled and hummed happily in the affirmative, earning him a sleepy kiss on the shoulder.

_ I guess I don’t mind losing to Genma, after all… _

Kakashi drifted into sleep with a barely discernible smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. 

\----- ----- -----

  
  


Kakashi awoke the next morning to find Genma already gone, his shift at the mission desk already in full swing. The silver-haired nin had stirred as the other man moved quietly around the apartment, quickly falling back to sleep. 

_ Ugh, my body hurts… _

Kakashi gingerly rolled in his bed with a grunt, his shoulder coming into contact with a foreign object. He turned his head to find a battered-looking book with a note on top.

_ This must be for the bet.  _

Kakashi grabbed the note and held it up to read, immediately noticing the cartoon tanuki with heart eyes at the bottom of the page. He hummed once in amusement and flicked his eyes back to the top of the page and began reading.

  
  


_ ‘Kakashi, _

_ Here’s your new reading material. I confiscated all your Icha Icha as insurance, so don’t bother looking for them. You’ll get them back when you return this.’ _

Kakashi glared at the note, slightly annoyed that the other man trusted him so little, and continued reading.

_ ‘This book is really old and starting to fall apart, so be careful with it. I know it’s not your normal lonely housewife erotica, but it was my uncle’s favorite book before he died, so give it a chance.’ _

Kakashi snorted lightly, unsure if he should be offended on behalf of Icha Icha or touched that the other man picked such a meaningful book to share with him.

_ ‘There’s painkillers on the shelf behind you. I’ll come by when my shift is over, so keep that ass warm for me.  _

_ \- Genma’ _

  
  


Kakashi stared at the last sentence for a few moments in disbelief, very aware of the ache in his backside. He sighed in defeat and clamored into a sitting position to take the painkillers the brunette had placed next to his- now full- glass of water. He adjusted his pillow and pulled his blankets higher. He reached for the borrowed book and flipped it open to the first page, curious about Genma’s uncle and the kind of story he was about to read.

Ten pages in, Kakashi realized with his face ablaze and his eyes nearly bugging out of his head that he was reading a graphic collection of- to use the term loosely- short stories. A quick but careful flip through the pages confirmed his suspicions: there was no attempt at a plot in these stories, and only the barest trace of a premise, leaving only vivid depictions of gay sex, complete with extremely realistic illustrations.

Kakashi shut his eyes tightly and tried to figure out why the other man wanted him to read this specific book. 

_ Either he just wanted to mess with me, or he’s trying to figure out what appeals to me.  _

Past his initial embarrassment, Kakashi let out a controlled breath and reopened his eyes. With the intention of finding at least one new thing to try, Kakashi flipped back to the first story and began reading it over, inserting himself and Genma into the story. He carefully worked his way through the pages, pausing after every story to reflect before passing judgement. 

The alarm clock on his windowsill ticked away the hours as he read, each minute bringing him closer to Genma’s return. The soreness from his activities the previous night faded somewhat, but the fiery blush on his face refused to leave as long as he continued to read.

  
  



	18. What Do You Think?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another night at their usual bar leads to some unexpected discoveries.

A small noise from the other side of the table drew Aoba’s attention away from rubbing discreet circles on the inside of Raido’s knee. He looked over to see Kakashi gripping a worn orange book with white knuckles, gaze blatantly locked on something across the room. Aoba traced Kakashi’s line of vision, coming to rest directly on Genma’s ass. The lighter-haired man was bending across a table, letting Izumo light his cigarette. Aoba turned back to Kakashi, snickering slightly. 

“Ah, Riv’l,” Gai slurred obliviously, “th’ nex’ roun‘s here.”

_ I don’t know that more alcohol is a good idea at this point, they’ve already had so much to drink… _

Kakashi grunted noncommittally, grabbing the offered drink and downing it in seconds. Aoba flicked his eyes to Raido, wondering if the other man had caught on. The scarred nin sent an almost imperceptible smirk to Aoba, confirming that he also knew what really had their friend’s attention. What had been subtle and brief glances at the start of the evening had turned into Kakashi staring at Genma as the other man socialized with some of the bar’s other patrons.

_ There’s no way Genma can’t feel Kakashi staring at his ass. He’s not even trying to hide it! He has to be doing this on purpose. _

Aoba leaned back and joked quietly into Raido’s ear, “I thought you said Kakashi was supposed to be asexual or something.”

“It’s not like this is the first time Genma’s accidentally turned someone gay,” Raido retorted, causing Aoba’s shoulders to shake with repressed laughter. 

“I still think he does this shit on purpose,” Aoba joked as Genma walked back to their usual table, drinks in hand. Kakashi straightened from his slouch and set  _ Icha Icha Paradise _ carelessly on the table. Genma squeezed into the only available spot at Aoba’s right. 

Genma set the glasses on the table, passing out the drinks.

“Genma,” Kakashi said expectantly. The addressed man passed a drink to Kakashi with a quirked brow. Kakashi downed the drink and pushed the glass aside. 

“Genma,” he repeated impatiently, leaning forward and stretching his arms across the table. 

“What is it?” Genma asked, handing drinks to Ebisu and Gai. Kakashi seemed to finally notice that something was blocking his path, as he scrambled drunkenly onto the table.

_ No way! He's completely wasted! Gai actually won this one?! _

Kakashi made his way over the table, knocking over empty glasses in the process, and Aoba barely saved his own drink from the flailing limbs. He latched onto his target with one final “Genma” and clawed his way onto the harassed-looking man’s lap, narrowly avoiding a cigarette to the eye. 

“Can I help you with something?” Genma asked, crushing the stick in one of the abandoned glasses. 

“Genma,” Kakashi sighed, yanking on a strand of brown hair.

“Oi, Bakashi,” Genma said, trying to pry the other man off of him. “Use your words. Tell me what you want from me.”

Aoba’s eyes twinkled with mirth behind his glasses. Drunk Kakashi was usually not much different than Sober Kakashi, at least to the outside world, which made the fact that he was causing a scene in the middle of a ninja bar ten times funnier. Then again, Aoba had drunk quite a bit more than usual, so everything was funny.

“Wanna fuck,” Kakashi slurred, causing everyone at the table that wasn’t Kakashi or Genma to stop and stare at the drunk ninja. They’d managed to keep their relationship quiet for almost a month, but the secret was now as good as out. They hadn’t gone to any particular lengths to hide their relationship. Most of the corps still thought the duo was pulling some prank, though interest in them had mostly died down.

“On second thought,” Genma deadpanned, “maybe don’t talk after all.” 

The brunette side-eyed Aoba and asked how much the Eternal Rivals had already drunk for their “challenge.” Kakashi grabbed at the neckline of Genma’s shirt and attached his masked mouth to the other man’s neck. Genma’s face pulled as he jerked his shoulder up in response.

“Oi- that tickles!” he said, pushing on Kakashi’s face. 

“Genma,” came Kakashi’s muffled reply as he tried to bite Genma’s collar bone. 

_ Is he trying to give him a hickey through the mask? Would that even work? _

“Yes, that would be me,” Genma deadpanned, shoving the silver-haired drunk aside in pursuit of his drink. Aoba scooted closer to Raido, feeling him chuckle. 

“GENMA!” Gai interjected with a teary thumbs-up and a blinding smile. “EMBRACE THE FIERY PASSION OF YOUTH!”

Genma choked on his drink and Aoba finally lost his composure. Ebisu’s face contorted with the effort of containing his amusement, and Aoba noticed Raido cover his mouth out of the corner of his eyes. 

_ Even after all this time, he won’t show his smile so easily…  _

Aoba settled into Raido and placed a hand on his thigh, amusement dampened somewhat by pain for his lover. 

_ I wish he could see himself the way I do. His smile always makes me so hap- how did Kakashi even manage to take his shirt off from under his vest?! _

Aoba watched in disbelief as Kakashi started grinding against Genma, trying to pull the older man’s shirt off. 

“Oi! Cut that out!” Genma scolded, prying the wandering hands from his person. 

“Want you,” Kakashi complained, trying to kiss the object of his affections only to find his face blocked by Genma’s palm.

“Fish market on a hot day,” Genma began, making a quick series of hand signs. 

_ What? _

“Wet socks,” Genma continued, placing one glowing hand low on Kakashi’s right side and another against his throat. 

_ Oh, he’s trying to calm him down and sober him up. _

“That time Pakkun sneezed on your face,” the tokujo carried on, shuddering slightly before his next attack. “Childbirth.”

Aoba noticed that Kakashi’s eyes focused on Genma’s mouth, completely glazed over with lust.

“Genma,” he snickered around his glass, drawing the other man’s attention toward Kakashi’s groin with a nod, “He hears you, but I don’t think he’s listening.”

Genma frowned and turned an apologetic look on Raido, who nodded.

“I should take him home before he gets worse,” the man sighed, glow fading from his fingertips. He wrapped an arm around the squirming mess in his lap and the pair dissolved in a swirl of leaves. 

“A TOAST TO YOUTH!” Gai sobbed, raising his drink. “AND TO MY RIVAL’S YOUTHFUL PASSION!”

“I’m not toasting to Kakashi-san being horny for Genma,” Ebisu said from Raido’s left. 

“THEN A TOAST TO- hic- TO THEIR HAPPINESS!” Gai retorted drunkenly, tears streaming down his face. 

_ Shit, I’ll drink to that. _

Aoba lifted his drink with a broad smile and took a swig of the liquid, his companions doing the same. A comfortable silence fell over the group, broken only by Gai’s inebriated sobs. A few moments passed, and Ebisu broke the silence, drawing three sets of eyes to him.

“I still don’t get it,” he said with a light frown. “I never would have matched those two together.”

“You have a problem with two guys being together?” Raido asked neutrally, causing Aoba to frown. They hadn’t exactly told anyone other than Genma and Kakashi that they were seeing each other, but they knew it would come out sooner or later, as all their friends were ninjas.

“Hm?” Ebisu looked up from his glass, shaking his head slightly. “No, there are more important things for me to worry about than that, though I always assumed Kakashi-san was straight since he likes  _ Icha Icha _ . I just meant that they’ve always been two of the most emotionally unavailable people I’ve ever known. I honestly thought they would both go out of their way to die alone.”

“Ah,” Raido said, losing the tension in the arm across Aoba’s shoulders. Aoba squeezed Raido’s thigh with a small smile.

“I understand what you mean,” Gai added, considerably more sober.

_ Does his sobriety just have a switch that he can turn on and off as he pleases?! What the fuck, Gai?! _

“They make a surprisingly cute couple, though,” Gai finished fondly.

“Don’t let them hear you say that,” Raido warned. “They almost attacked the Kazekage’s brother for saying that to the Mizukage during our last mission.”

Aoba let out a startled snort of laughter at the looks of disbelief on his friends’ faces. 

“Wasn’t that supposed to be a diplomatic mission? How did that even come up?” Ebisu asked incredulously.

“Kakashi tried to steal some of Genma’s food at dinner,” Raido explained with quirked lips, “and Genma flicked water in his face and called him a ‘bad dog.’”

Aoba burst into laughter with Gai, Ebisu’s face twitching with the effort of not joining in.

“So then I asked Genma if his new dog could do any tricks,” Raido continued, “and he turns to Kakashi and said, in front of everyone, ‘Kashi, speak,’ and you want to know what Kakashi’s response was?”

“What?” Gai weezed. “What did he say?”

“‘I hope you choke and die,’” Raido answered soberly, Ebisu finally succumbing to the humor. 

“There’s more,” Raido continued with a smile. “After that, Naruto tried to get him to play dead, and Kakashi threw a kunai at him for calling him ‘Kashi,’ so Naruto started complaining that it wasn’t fair that Genma could call him that when he and Sakura couldn’t.”

“Where does the Kazekage’s brother come in, then?” Aoba asked once he’d reclaimed his breath.

“Genma asked Sakura-san to shut Naruto up,” Raido explained, “but he called her ‘Pinky’ like usual, and Naruto ended up calling her that, so she punched him into the wall. Kankuro-san made a comment about understanding why Kakashi would let only Genma get away with a nickname, but not why Sakura would too. Mizukage-sama asked what he meant by that, and Kankuro-san made a comment about Genma and Kakashi being a cute couple.”

“I bet their faces were priceless,” Aoba cackled.

“Kakashi demanded that I tell everyone they weren’t cute,” Raido continued with a lopsided smirk that only Aoba could see. He flashed his own grin, knowing his lover would take any chance he got to torment their senbon-chewing friend.

“So what did you tell everyone?” he prompted, noticing Gai’s nearly maniacal grin.

“I told everyone that ‘cute’ wasn’t the right word to describe them,” the scarred nin paused to sip at his drink, increasing his audience’s anticipation.

“Well then, what  _ is _ the right word to describe them, Raido-san?” Ebisu asked. Raido took another swig of his drink, finishing it, and looked up at his comrades.

“I told the rest of the diplomats that the best word to describe Genma and Kakashi is ‘adorable,’” Raido answered with faux stoicism. Aoba and Gai both spit out their respective mouthfuls of alcohol, having taken a drink at exactly the wrong time. 

“You  _ didn’t _ ,” Ebisu denied in wonder. 

“That’s so much worse, Rai,” Aoba weezed around fresh peals of laughter. Raido raised a brow as if to say ‘yeah, I know, that’s why I said it.’ 

Flashes of purple and red announced Anko’s arrival to the group, steering Kurenai towards the seat recently vacated by Genma. Gai maneuvered back into his wheelchair to make room for Ibiki.

“Look who I brought!” Anko announced proudly, presenting the new mother with both hands on her shoulders. The group exchanged their greetings as the newcomers fit themselves into the booth.

“I thought Genma and Kakashi-san were supposed to be here too,” Ibiki commented, raising a brow in Raido’s direction.

“You just missed them,” Raido supplied evenly, prompting Aoba to snicker into his glass and Ebisu snort around his beer. Gai’s face trembled with the threat of renewed laughter. Kurenai looked between the men suspiciously.

“Do I even want to know?” she asked Raido, the question barely leaving her mouth before Anko’s sharp demand of “Tell me everything!” was heard.

“My Eternal Rival-” Gai began with a gasp.

“- got piss drunk and tried to fuck Genma in that very spot!” Aoba finished gleefully, pointing to where Kurenai was sitting. He let out another bout of laughter and scooted closer to Raido.

_ Why is everything so funny? I can’t stop laughing… it must be the alcohol. Maybe I’ve had too much to drink… _

“Damn, I missed it,” Anko hissed in disappointment as Kurenai’s eyes widened in shock. 

“He crawled across the table and everything,” Ebisu confirmed, gesturing to the aftermath of discarded glasses on the table. “Genma finally teleported them both out of here when Kakashi-san started taking off his clothes.”

“I still have no idea how he managed to do that without taking off his flak jacket,” Aoba scoffed in begrudging awe. Kurenai recovered from her shock quickly, and Anko’s eyes narrowed slightly in thought.

“How long has it been since they left?” she asked.

“Maybe ten minutes,” Raido answered. 

“Perfect!” Anko perked up and rose from the table. “Well it was nice to see you all but I have some business to attend to.”

“Is that ‘business’ being a voyeur?” Ibiki asked drily.

“It’s not voyeurism, it’s recon!” Anko huffed indignantly. “I plan to find out once and for all if Hatake fucks with the mask on!”

Ibiki let out a long-suffering sigh. 

“If what they said is true,” he began, “then you won’t see anything anyway.” At the confused looks he got, Ibiki continued. 

“Genma won’t have sex with someone that’s drunk,” Ibiki explained. Anko visibly deflated and sat back down in defeat.

“Why are you stuck on that anyway?” Kurenai asked as the next round of drinks arrived. 

“Because he’s been avoiding the question for far too long!” Anko answered, slamming her fist on the table.

_ Shit, I’d avoid it too if I was asexual. _

Five heads turned to look at him in surprise, the sixth looking at him in mild alarm. 

_ Fuck, that wasn’t in my head, was it?! _

Raido sighed next to him and pressed the heel of his palm between his eyes. He then confiscated Aoba’s fresh drink and pushed it towards Ibiki.

_ Shit, shit, shit. _

“Heh heh, don’t listen to me, I’m drunk,” Aoba’s attempt to undo the damage was ignored completely. The rest of their group turned to Raido for explanation in near-synchronization.

“Demisexual,” Raido corrected with another sigh. “Kakashi is demisexual.”

“What the fuck is that?” Anko asked bluntly. “I’ve never even heard of it.”

“Genma can probably explain it better-” Raido began.

“I highly doubt that,” Ebisu interjected drily, earning a few feeble smiles. 

“-but it basically means that Kakashi isn’t sexually attracted to anyone unless he falls in love with them first,” Raido finished. The table was silent for a few seconds as the implication of that statement settled in.

“And Genma?” Kurenai directed the question to Raido. The assassin smiled reassuringly and tilted his head. The group of friends relaxed, pleased that the pair had actually found each other. A comfortable silence settled over the table, lasting only seven seconds before it was shattered.

“So which one of them is on bottom?” Anko asked abruptly, looking between Aoba and Raido. Ebisu choked a little on his drink, and Kurenai flushed slightly. Ibiki sighed again and reached for his drink, shooting an apologetic look to Raido.

“Genma likes to top because Kakashi talks out of his head when he does,” Aoba answered dazedly, suddenly aware of how heavy his head felt. “He keeps a list of all the weird shit Kakashi says during sex with him at all times.”

Aoba reached for Raido’s drink as he continued.

“It’s remarkably well-organized,” the raven-haired nin blabbed. “Number eight is hilarious, but number eleven is my favorite. I don’t even want to know what number three is supposed to mean.”

Raido snatched his drink from Aoba’s clutches and downed the rest in one go. 

“Okay, time for you to go home,” the older man muttered, picking up the forgotten copy of  _ Icha Icha _ and slipping it into his weapons pouch. He pulled one of Aoba’s arms across his shoulders, their drinks already paid for, and said goodbye to his friends before shuffling out of the bar. They made it to a nearby rooftop somehow, and Aoba leaned his head on the other man’s shoulder.

“Rai?” Aoba addressed his partner.

“Hm?” the other man responded.

“I think I might be drunk,” Aoba giggled.

Raido’s reply came in the form of a light chuckle. Aoba smiled at the sound and closed his eyes, shutting out the blur of buildings as they flew past.

  
  


\----- ----- ----- 

  
  


Genma POV

  
  
  
  


“You’re a lot of trouble, you know that?” Genma said to the wriggling mass of blankets in his arms, finally daring to breathe a sigh of relief. It had taken almost half an hour to get the drunk nin to the brunette’s apartment, and another quarter hour to get him settled down. His chakra was low from teleporting so many times so he hadn’t been able to filter out any more of the alcohol, leaving him alone with his very drunk, very clingy partner. 

“Genma,” came Kakashi’s expectant reply, half a second before his forehead crashed into the older man’s mouth. Genma placed his hand- the one that wasn’t holding the blankets closed to keep his charge immobilised- on Kakashi’s face to prevent a second headbutt. 

“Genma,” Kakashi complained, straining forward.

“Kakashi,” Genma began with a sigh, “ _ please _ use your words.”

“Want forehead kisses,” Kakashi whined, eyes trained on the assassin’s mouth. Genma relaxed a little and moved his hand from the younger man’s cheek to brush silver strands off his forehead. He pulled Kakashi close and pressed his lips to the center of his forehead, earning a happy sigh from his captive. Kakashi whined when he pulled away, the sound an exact replica of a dog crying.

“More?” he pleaded, and Genma’s exasperation melted.

_ How am I supposed to deny you anything? _

“Yeah, okay,” he replied, readjusting their position on his couch to be more comfortable. “You can have as many forehead kisses as you want.”

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Shikamaru POV

  
  
  


He woke with a start, drenched in sweat. His heart was beating so hard, he briefly wondered if he was going to have a heart attack. He sucked in a breath, counting slowly to ten before releasing it carefully- just like Neji taught him. He took another few controlled breaths and felt the panic and adrenaline dissipate even as a wave of sadness lapped at the edges of his mind.

He missed Neji, and probably always would, but that would have to wait for later. The nightmare that had woken him up, and the overwhelming guilt that accompanied it, was his top priority at the moment. He’d just completed his first seduction mission without incident, and he was already having nightmares about his target. Shikamaru knew he already had a price on his head, and she could have easily identified him. 

_ I did what I had to do. It’s done, now drop it. _

A small voice in the back of Shikamaru’s mind- his conscience, maybe- protested that the target had been a civilian. She couldn’t fight back. He hadn’t given her a chance to fight back. But he  _ had _ given her a chance to realize that she was going to die, that he was not who she thought she was. Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose as Genma’s words rang in his ears.

_ “The only difference between seduction and torture is the target’s awareness of it. If your target finds out that they’re a target… well, it’s best not to let that happen.” _

He’d gone silent for a moment at that, looking far older than Shikamaru had ever seen him. Fine lines and wrinkles he’d never noticed before were etched into Genma’s features, so deep that they cast small shadows in the setting sun. Then he’d turned his head to look the shadow manipulator square in the eye, searching him again for some intangible criteria. He had fought the urge to shy away, suddenly afraid the older man was looking straight through to his soul. Even now, he wondered what that man had seen when he had looked at him, because the harsh signs of aging had dissolved before his very eyes and he continued speaking. 

_ “If it does happen, come find me.” _

He hadn’t paid much attention to that last bit at the time, too preoccupied with trying to figure out what the actual  _ fuck _ had just happened with his senpai’s face. Then he’d asked outright: “Senpai, what the actual  _ fuck _ just happened with your face?” Genma had given him a sly smile and said something about not giving away all his secrets. Shikamaru had dropped it after that, determining whatever it was to be too troublesome.

Deciding quickly, Shikamaru yanked back his bedding and sloppily made his bed. He dressed mechanically in civilian clothes, hiding a few kunai on his person in case of an emergency, thankful that he’d had the mental capacity to check the rosters when he got back last night as he’d noticed Genma had the day off. He slipped on his sandals and headed toward the tokujo’s apartment. 

_ Damn, I forgot my smokes. Maybe Genma-senpai will let me have a couple. A few drinks wouldn’t hurt either… _

He climbed up the fire escape that led to Genma’s partially open living room window and stopped abruptly at what he was seeing.

“Punish me, sensei!” Genma yelled around a laugh, laying across Kakashi’s lap and wiggling his butt. 

“I- told- you-” Kakashi brought a copy of _Icha Icha_ _Tactics_ down hard on Genma’s rear in between each word, “not- to- call- me- Shikamaru?”

Genma looked over his shoulder in confusion, then looked to the window. Shikamaru stared at the older men as they stared back at him. 

“Um, sorry to interrupt,” Shikamaru began awkwardly, “I can come back later.” 

He started to turn to leave when Genma stopped him and invited him in. Shikamaru tentatively pushed the window up the rest of the way and let himself in, closing it fully behind himself. He trusted Kakashi, but this would still be a private conversation. He slipped off his shoes and turned hesitantly to the ex-ANBU behind him. He opened his mouth, but Genma cut him off.

“Can you eat omelet-rice?” he asked, causing the Nara to blink. He’d expected the man to ask why he was there.

“I- uh,” the teen stammered. He’d come here thinking he would have to rehash the mission all over again and sit through a lecture. 

“It happened,” Shikamaru confessed, still kind of reeling from the scene he had walked in on. “You told me to come find you if it happened, so...” 

“So here you are,” Genma concluded. “Can you eat omelet rice, or should I have Kakashi make something else?” 

“What?” Shikamaru and Kakashi asked at the same time. Truthfully, the shadow-nin didn’t want to talk about his mission. Really, he just wanted to go back to sleep, but that wasn’t a safe option yet.

“I carried your drunk ass home last night and got rid of your hangover this morning,” Genma sassed, “the least you could do is make breakfast.”

Genma paused, then pointed to spiny cactus on the windowsill. “And apologize to Saru!”

“I’m not apologizing to a plant,” Kakashi deadpanned.

“You named a plant?” Shikamaru added, raising an eyebrow at the older man. 

“Asuma gave me that sex cactus when I made jounin,” Genma defended himself, turning back to Kakashi, “and you tried to eat it!” 

“Sex cactus?” Kakashi asked.

“Flower language,” Shikamaru supplied mechanically. “I remember Ino and Temari talking about it once. It comes from Suna. People give them to each other as a way of propositioning them for sex.”

“Asuma propositioned you with a cactus?” Kakashi asked, clearly surprised.

“He didn’t mean to,” Genma chuckled. “Apparently, he just saw the needles and thought it would be funny. The needles happen to be poisonous, and extremely expensive, so I kept it.” 

Shikamaru smiled at his former sensei’s mishap despite himself. Suddenly his stomach growled, breaking the nostalgic silence. Genma glanced at him, then spun Kakashi around by the shoulders and marched him into the kitchen. 

“You drink your coffee black, right?” the tokujo asked over his shoulder, to which Shikamaru replied in the affirmative. A few minutes later, Genma returned with two mugs and handed one to him. He motioned for Shikamaru to sit next to him on the couch.

“Don’t worry,” he gave a lopsided smirk, “the couch isn’t sticky.”

The Nara replied with a chagrined chuckle and looked into the dark liquid. 

“It gets easier,” Genma began quietly, “but it doesn’t get better.”

Shikamaru took a controlled breath, holding the air in his lungs and releasing it silently.

“I hesitated,” he whispered, bracing himself for the oncoming lecture. 

“Yeah,” Genma sighed, much to Shikamaru’s surprise. He looked over at the older man questioningly and watched him take a long drink of his coffee.

“It sucks when that happens,” he concluded. They sat in silence, drinking their coffee until Kakashi announced that food was ready. Halfway through the meal, Genma looked up suddenly.

“I just remembered something you might want to see,” he announced. “Then again, it might traumatize you. Maybe both. Probably both.”

Shikamaru shared a worried glance with Kakashi before turning an inquisitive look on the now beaming shinobi. He cautiously asked what it was.

“Every shitty gift that Anko has ever given me,” Genma replied, setting his bowl and chopsticks down. He quickly stood up and took off down the hall and disappeared into his room. Shikamaru shared another glance with Kakashi before returning to his breakfast. He was on his last bite of egg when a cardboard box hovered down the hall and stopped in front him. The box lowered itself to the table they had been crowded around.

“Gen,” Kakashi began warily, “why are you using a Transparency Jutsu?”

“I want you guys to get the full effect,” Genma’s voice floated to him from the window as the curtains were pulled. “This way maximizes the impact.”

Shikamaru froze as Genma became visible, and he vaguely recognized Kakashi’s similar reaction. He blinked, sure that this was a hallucination and the image in front of him would disappear when he reopened his eyes. It didn’t. 

_ Are those… sequins? _

“Well,” Genma drawled, “what do you think?”

  
  
  



	19. Boobly Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma tries to cheer Shikamaru up. Aoba and Raido walk in at the wrong time.

“Well,” Genma drawled, “what do you think?”

Kakashi was speechless. The long-haired man turned around, showing off the gaudy underwear, if it could even be called that. 

“Horrible, right?” Genma asked over his shoulder, shaking his butt for emphasis.

“The sequins can even change colors,” he volunteered, swiping his palm up over his butt. The sequins changed from a blinding gold to an equally bright shade of pink that briefly reminded Kakashi of his former student. Genma turned back around to face the silent duo and opened his mouth to speak when the front door to the apartment opened.

“Hey Gen, we’re here to drop off-” Raido was cut off by Aoba’s shriek.

“My eyes!” he wailed. “Kill it! Kill it with fire!”

“-Kakashi’s book,” Raido finished flatly, eyeing the box on the table. 

“I already  _ tried _ to burn them,” Genma explained, “but Anko found a way to make them indestructible. Besides, this isn’t even the worst thing she gave me.”

_ They get worse?! _

“I can’t believe you still have this stuff,” Raido said mirthfully as Genma upended the box onto the table.

“I figure that in a few more years, I’ll have enough weird shit from her to open a museum,” Genma joked. Kakashi looked down at a strange assortment of colorful fabrics and miscellaneous objects. Morbid curiosity brought everyone closer to the table to inspect the contents, and Shikamaru held up a particularly loud pair of briefs.

_ Is that ostrich skin? Why are there so many colors?! _

“You get much use out of these, Senpai?” he teased. Genma grinned back and picked up a pair of black snakeskin shorts and a pair of plain black leather shorts with a zipper down the front.

“Orange doesn’t really suit me,” the brunette responded around a grin, “but I’ve worn these on more than a few missions.”

Kakashi briefly imagined slowly unzipping the leather pair with his teeth, and his mouth went dry. His pants suddenly seemed more constricting, so he turned his attention back to the table. Picking up the object closest to him, a carved purple snake  _ thing _ , he asked his lover what it was.

“Kakashi, that’s a dildo,” Genma answered patiently, biting back a laugh. Kakashi dropped the offending object as if it had burned him. He noticed Aoba snickering and shot the other man a dirty look.

“Why does it have googly eyes on it?” Shikamaru asked hesitantly.

“Originally I gave it to Anko as a joke,” Genma began, “but then she put those on there and gave it back to me. I used a Henge when I bought it. Ibiki still hasn’t forgiven me.”

Aoba burst into startled laughter, and Raido’s shoulders trembled beside him with the effort of not laughing. Shikamaru joined in next, and finally Kakashi gave in to the humor with his own light laugh. 

“Wait till you hear about these,” Genma said, picking up a giant pair of googly eyes. “I’ll let you tell this one, Rai.”

“One year for Genma’s birthday, our ANBU squad decided to celebrate early because of a mission,” Raido began, the corners of his mouth upturned. “Shisui-kun thought it would be fun to have everyone give him a lapdance or a striptease, since he was usually the one doing those things on missions.”

“And for good reason,” Genma interjected. “You guys were terrible.”

“Anyway,” Raido continued, ignoring the jab, “it gets to Anko’s turn, and she starts off by tying him to the chair with bondage rope. She does her striptease with her back to everyone, then she finally turns around and takes off her bra only to have these-” he takes the googly eyes from Genma and holds them up to his chest- “on underneath like pasties.”

Kakashi grappled with that mental picture, still trying to process that  _ Raido _ had given him a lap dance too.

“Then she started bouncing on his lap,” Raido continued, “and everyone completely lost their shit.”

“Oh, is that what you call it?” Genma drawled. “From where I was sitting, it looked like she may have been having a seizure.”

Aoba barked out another peal of hysterical laughter, Shikamaru joining in with a snicker. Raido had finally given up on maintaining his stoicism, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth as he chuckled. 

“What was even the point of that?” Aoba wheezed, prompting Genma and Raido to share a look.

“Boobly eyes,” they said in unison, Genma with utter glee and Raido with a sigh so long-suffering that Kakashi felt himself age, even as he laughed along. Genma searched the table before grabbing a jumbled mass of fabric. He flung it at Aoba’s face, and the crow user caught it with one hand. He quirked a brow and unfurled it, revealing a tube of snakeskin with two ribbons attached. 

“Please tell me you’ve never worn that,” Kakashi implored, the words out of his mouth before he could stop them. Genma leered at him and cocked his hip.

“I can’t wear it anyway,” he smirked. “It’s too small.”

“I’m sorry, Senpai,” Shikamaru cut in, “I just can’t take you seriously in those shorts.”

Genma chuckled and pulled absently at his navel piercing, drawing Kakashi’s attention to his lover’s bellybutton. He let his gaze linger longer than was really needed, not caring if any of the others saw. 

“If you’re done looking at these, I’ll go put them away and change back into normal clothes,” Genma said to Shikamaru, who nodded. Raido and Aoba announced their departure, as they hadn’t intended to stay more than a few minutes to begin with, and took their leave out the front door. Genma shoved all the miscellaneous gifts from Anko back into their designated box and went back into his bedroom. 

“I’m never going to be able to look at Anko-senpai the same way again,” Shikamaru groaned mirthfully, Kakashi humming in agreement. 

“I’m still trying to imagine  _ Raido _ giving him a lap dance,” Kakashi added. Shikamaru’s face pulled in alarm, making it obvious he hadn’t even considered that detail. 

“I’m not convinced I  _ want _ to imagine that,” Shikamaru retorted, then paused. “Yeah, I definitely did not want that image in my head.”

Genma came back into the room then, dressed in a v-necked shirt and those worn black jeans Kakashi loved. The silver-haired man openly ogled the visible glimpse of the brunette’s collarbone and silently wished Shikamaru and Genma would hurry up so he could be alone with his assassin. He immediately chastised himself for being selfish when Shikamaru was clearly asking for help. 

_ ‘You told me to come find you if it happened…’ _

Kakashi didn’t know what their prior conversation had been about, but he had a few guesses. He had heard them talking earlier when he was cooking. He tried not to, but his hearing was nearly on par with an Inuzuka’s. 

“Genma-senpai,” Shikamaru drawled, “you wouldn’t happen to have something stronger to drink, would you?”

“Afraid not,” Genma took the coffee mug from Shikamaru and went into the kitchen. “I can’t keep alcohol here.”

Kakashi looked toward the kitchen in question, and listened to the sounds of Genma refilling Shikamaru’s mug. 

“I can spot you a smoke, though,” Genma continued as he came back into the living area with a carton of cigarettes in hand. Shikamaru nodded as he accepted both items and stepped towards the window, not waiting for the older man. Genma walked over to Kakashi and dropped a quick kiss on the top of his head, saying that they would be up on the roof if he needed anything. Kakashi hummed and watched the other man follow after the shadow-manipulator.

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- 

Genma POV

  
  


Genma leaned back on the roof tiles with a light sigh as the hit of nicotine kicked in. The pair sat in silence for a few moments before Shikamaru started speaking.

“Why can’t you keep alcohol in your apartment?” he asked. “Tenten moved into this building last month, so I know it’s not against any rules.”

Genma turned to the younger man, eyes searching, and took another drag of his smoke.

“If I keep alcohol in my apartment,” he answered softly, “I’ll end up drinking myself to death.”

_ Again. And Rin won’t help me a second time. _

“I’d slowly get worse and worse,” Genma continued in a bit of a daze, “and no one would know until they found my body.”

“Senpai, I’m pretty sure someone would notice if you became an alcoholic,” Shikamaru commented dryly. Genma turned to level the younger man with a blank gaze.

“No one noticed the last time it happened,” he replied flatly. “Or the time before that.”

Shikamaru’s eyes widened slightly at the confession. 

“It wasn’t because no one cared about me,” Genma continued. “No one noticed because hiding the problem and getting away with it was like a training game to me. If I could fool the people who knew me best, including some of the best interrogators this village has ever had, then I could fool any target.”

Genma watched as ash fell off of his kouhai’s cigarette.

“What changed?” Shikamaru asked. Genma allowed a smirk to break through as he replied.

“A ghost bitch-slapped me and told me to get my shit together,” he replied honestly, amused at the younger man’s unamused sigh. They fell back into a comfortable silence as they reached the ends of their smokes. Shikamaru gulped down his second cup of coffee, handing the mug to Genma when he was done.

“You know, Senpai,” Shikamaru began with a light smile, “you don’t have to flinch anymore when someone calls me ‘Shika.’”

Genma studied the other man’s face, looking for any sign of discontent, and gave a small smile when he found none. Shikamaru stood up then, clapping Genma on the shoulder. 

“I think there’s a sensei in your apartment that’s waiting to punish you,” the shadow-nin teased, startling Genma into a laugh. 

“Go catch your nap,” Genma shooed Shikamaru away and headed back down the fire escape to his apartment. 

_ He’ll be alright now.  _

Genma flung himself through the window into his living area, frowning slightly when he didn’t see Kakashi reading as he had expected. A soft clank sounded from the kitchen, and his face eased back into a small smile. He quickly shut his window and pulled the curtains closed before heading into the kitchen. He came up behind Kakashi, wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist, and placed the dirty mug in his sink. 

“You cook for me  _ and _ do the dishes afterwards?” Genma sighed dreamily, vigorously rubbing his cheek on the back of Kakashi’s head. “You’re the best boyfriend ever.”

“‘Boyfriend?’” Kakashi snorted. “We’re not kids, Gen.”

“You make me feel like a dumb, horny teenager, so it fits,” Genma countered. “Besides, ‘lovers’ feels a bit over-dramatic.”

“I’m not entirely convinced that you  _ aren’t _ a dumb, horny teenager,” Kakashi retorted, prompting Genma to nip his ear in retaliation.

“Says the guy who tried to give me a lap dance in the bar last night,” Genma snickered against silver hair. “I still want to know how you got your shirt off without removing your flak jacket.”

Genma watched the tips of Kakashi’s ears turn pink. He pecked the top of an ear and smiled as he watched Kakashi’s blush spread to the tops of his cheeks. 

“Kashi-kun, it’s hard to control myself when you start making cute faces like that,” Genma whined dramatically, twisting the other man sharply as he squeezed him. 

“Nobody’s making any cute faces around here!” Kakashi protested harshly, flinging a bit of soapy water around as he struggled to complete his task.

“And you were so cute last night when you asked me to kiss your forehead,” Genma continued theatrically, lifting the other man off the ground to swing him around. 

“Stop calling me cute!” Kakashi growled, throwing a petulant glare over his shoulder as Genma finally set him down.

“Or what?” Genma taunted, now groping the jounin’s rear with one hand. “You’ll punish me? Huh,  _ Sensei? _ ”

“Okay, that’s it,” Kakashi said, starting to turn around. Genma quickly held him still and pressed close, resting his chin on the other man’s shoulder.

“Thank you for doing the dishes,” he murmured sincerely, leaning into Kakashi. The younger man sighed in defeat and relaxed into Genma. Shikamaru’s coffee cup was the last dish to be washed and placed on a rack to dry before Kakashi wiped his hands on a towel Genma provided. 

“Come on,” Genma said with a grin, leading Kakashi by the hand towards his bedroom. “Let’s go make out like a couple of dumb, horny teenagers.”

  
  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Aoba POV

  
  


“So you gave Genma a lapdance once?” Aoba teased, taking a bite out of the dango Raido had bought him. Raido nodded slightly in confirmation, making a face as though he had just swallowed something unpleasant.

“According to Genma, I wasn’t very good at it,” the scarred man replied. “He said I was too stiff, then made a joke about the size of my dick, then started booing me and demanding I show everyone my dick. It just went downhill from there.”

Aoba chuckled at the image, then abruptly stopped.

“Wait,” he said, turning to the other man. “Why does Genma know about the size of your dick?”

“Probably for the same reason I know he doesn’t have a gag reflex,” Raido replied flatly, brows furrowing a bit. Aoba’s eyes widened behind his sunglasses.

“So- er-” Aoba stammered, trying to keep the conversation moving, “Do I get a lapdance?”

“I’m really not good at that kind of thing,” Raido said slowly. “There was a reason Genma was the one to do those things.”

The pair munched on their snack for a moment in silence, when a thought suddenly occurred to Aoba.

“Why not get him to teach you?” he asked, cocking his head a little to the side.

“He’s tried before,” Raido answered, shaking his head. “My body refuses to bend that way.”

_ It’s not like I can just ask Genma to give me a lapdance, can I? Kakashi isn’t the sharing type, and I don’t even want to find out if Rai is capable of jealousy.  _

Aoba sighed in defeat.

“So Genma gave you a blowjob once?” Aoba asked with a raised brow.

“On a mission years ago,” Raido confirmed cautiously. “We were almost caught while looking for some documents, and that was the first thing Genma came up with. It worked, but I ended up finishing down his throat.”

Aoba stared at the other man, waiting for him to continue. 

“And then?” Aoba prompted incredulously.

“He swallowed,” Raido answered flatly. “Then we kept looking for the documents and agreed that it didn’t happen.”

Aoba let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

_ What am I getting jealous for? Even if they were together before, they aren’t now. This isn’t a healthy way to think.  _

Raido turned to him with a smile and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. He squeezed once, and they both let go. Neither of the men were big on public displays of affection. The attention surrounding their friends had overshadowed interest in their own affairs, and they were taking advantage of that fact for as long as they could. 

“So who’s better?” Aoba asked with a leer. Raido pretended to think for a moment, and Aoba sputtered indignantly.

“I can’t answer that impartially,” Raido said with a shake of his head, prompting Aoba to chuckle.

“Between you and me,” Raido continued, leaning in conspiratorially, “I don’t really like long hair.”

Aoba finished his dango with a happy grin.   


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	20. Terminally Oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma and Kakashi enjoy their day off together, then it's back to the grindstone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genma Weekend is technically over in my time-zone, but whatever! It still counts!

Genma hummed contentedly as Kakashi nipped and sucked at his lower back, his hands massaging out the last of the tension in his thighs.

“Making breakfast, washing the dishes, amazing sex,  _ and _ a massage?” Genma husked sleepily. “I might just keep you around.”

Kakashi’s hand landed a playful blow against his rear.

“Mmmn,” Genma hummed again around a lazy smile, wriggling bonelessly in invitation. “Harder.”

Kakashi exhaled, the sound a cross between a chuckle and a sigh.

“Why do you insist that I hit you?” Kakashi questioned before returning to his task of covering Genma’s body in hickeys. The long-haired man threw a cheeky grin over his shoulder before responding.

“How else am I supposed to get you to hit on me?” he answered rhetorically, the manipulation of his words making Kakashi roll his eyes. Genma folded his arms under his head, eyes falling closed as his silver-haired companion moved up the length of his back. He felt Kakashi’s cheek rest between his shoulder blades. A hand reached up to grasp his forearm, another moving to his hip.

“I really don’t get it,” Kakashi murmured. Genma’s brow pulled as he thought about how to explain his slightly masochistic fascination.

“It’s pretty simple, actually,” the brunette replied. “I like it when you put your hands on me, even if it’s supposed to hurt a little.”

He paused a moment, then added over his shoulder with a leer, “ _ Especially _ if it’s supposed to hurt a little.”

He sensed Kakashi hesitate a bit at that, so he pressed on.

“The same thing goes for you biting me,” he explained. “I like having your mouth on me. Just don’t sever any major blood vessels.”

He felt the other man relax with a soft snort, and assumed that his explanation was satisfactory. They passed the next half hour in sated silence, and Genma felt himself drifting in and out of sleep. In a brief moment of clarity, he realised that this was the first time he’d bottomed since they had gotten back from their diplomatic mission.

  
  


“‘Kashi?’” Genma mumbled, getting a noncommittal noise in response. “Why haven’t you topped since we got home?”

“You’re better at it,” came the muttered reply. Genma balked.

“Bullshit,” he grumbled. “You just wanted me to do all the work.”

“I thought you preferred the top,” Kakashi defended, and Genma bit back any further playful accusations at the honest bewilderment in the other man’s voice.

“I don’t have a preference,” Genma grumbled petulantly, unwilling to drop the matter yet. 

_ Wait, maybe he’s the one that prefers it that way? _

“Do you have a preference?” he asked Kakashi, who was now playing with the ends of his hair. The other man paused to consider the question.

“I guess not,” he answered slowly. “You feel amazing either way.”

“So do you,” Genma smiled and reached a hand back to grab Kakashi’s. He intertwined their fingers, Kakashi’s hand on top of his own. “It isn’t even funny how good you feel.”

_ Some of us had to actually  _ work _ to be good at sex. _

“Stupid genius,” Genma grumbled, taking a moment to pout. 

“Hey, you’re the sex expert,” Kakashi protested, and Genma’s eyes opened at something in the other man’s tone. 

“Does it bother you?” Genma asked quietly. Kakashi hesitated, causing the assassin to wince.

_ I guess that’s a ‘yes,’ then… _

Genma’s hand went slack under Kakashi’s, the rest of his body involuntarily tensing. Kakashi’s fingers curled between his reassuringly, and a kiss was pressed into his back.

“It’s not that,” his lover assured him. “If anything, I’m actually grateful that I get to benefit from your experience. It’s just- I don’t understand…” 

Genma waited patiently for Kakashi to continue, not daring to relax yet.

“Why me?” the younger man asked. “I get why you refused to have a lover while you were still in ANBU, but plenty of people have shown interest since then. You never wanted a relationship, so why me?”

Genma considered brushing off the question with a joke. Instead, he asked Kakashi to let him up so he could roll onto his back and answer face to face. 

“What you said before, about Kurenai being happy even with Asuma gone?” Gema began softly. “It made me realize that I didn’t want to be alone anymore.”

Kakashi’s eyes widened marginally before softening. 

“When I went to wash the dishes that night,” he continued, not needing to specify which night, “I thought of every possible reason and excuse to turn you down.”

“Why didn’t you?” Kakashi asked. 

“You deserve to be happy,” Genma said simply, repeating his words from months ago. He carded a hand through silver locks affectionately.

“Even if you have terrible taste,” he teased in self-deprecation. Kakashi frowned a little at him. 

“That doesn’t mean I came into this with half-assed feelings,” Genma assured him. Some of the tension left the other man’s body as he laid his head on Genma’s chest. 

“I didn’t either,” Kakashi murmured, causing the tokujo’s heart rate to increase. 

_ He loves me too. I’m so glad- Oh Kami I just told him I love him! _

“I don’t have to say those words aloud for you to know it’s true, right?” Genma suddenly worried.

“I know it’s true  _ because _ you won’t say it aloud,” Kakashi confirmed. 

“Okay,” Genma released a shaky breath, “I think that’s all the talk about feelings I can handle for one day.”

His partner hummed in agreement and Genma immediately switched topics.

“Your team leaves tomorrow for wherever the fuck Orochi-bastard is hiding out, right?” he asked.

“Mn,” Kakashi confirmed. “Tsunade-sama has him in charge of the preliminary research and trials for Naruto’s prosthetic arm. I doubt it’s finished, but it’s time to check in anyway.”

“Say hello to Tenzo for me,” Genma requested.

_ Shit! Tenzo’s missed everything that’s happened in the last few months! I wonder how he’ll react when he hears about me and Kaka… shit fuck dammit! _

“He’s gonna fucking hate me,” the brunette abruptly panicked, startling the shinobi resting on top of him. 

“What?” Kakashi asked, clearly confused. 

“Tenzo!” Genma said, as if that explained anything. “When he hears that we’re together, he’s going to hate me!”

It was childish really, and Genma knew it, but he couldn’t stand the thought of one of his lover’s favorite kouhai disliking him. Especially if the reason he was disliked was his lover.

“Why, exactly, is he going to hate you?” Kakashi drawled, still not comprehending the gravity of the situation.

_ Because he’s been in love with you for years, you idiot! _

“Okay, I’ll write him a note,” Genma reasoned, ignoring the other man’s question. “Make sure he reads it  _ before _ you tell him about us. And for fuck’s sake make sure that  _ you _ are the one that tells him.”

Kakashi agreed and asked once more why it was necessary, but Genma was hardly listening.

“Be nice when you tell him,” he continued on, oblivious to the other man’s rising frustration. “Answer whatever questions he has, and be honest. Don’t make your answers a riddle.”

Kakashi muttered something that vaguely sounded like “coming from  _ you _ of all people,” which was patently ignored. 

_ Okay, I think that should cover it. He’ll tell Tenzo, they’ll have a couple days to adjust, then some time apart to ease everything along.  _

Genma sighed in relief at having a plan and turned his attention back to the cuddly mass in his arms. 

  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Izumo POV

  
  


“It’s too early!” Kotetsu complained from his right.

“It’s barely eight-thirty,” Izumo dismissed his longtime partner, not once looking up from the stack of mission scrolls he was sorting.

“I know that!” the spiky-haired man snapped, leaning in to whisper. “Genma will be here any minute. You know how he is before ten!”

Izumo finally glanced at the other man in consideration. He  _ did _ know how the older man was at this time in the morning. It was less than pleasant at times. Before he could tell Kotetsu not to piss off their senpai, the door to the mission office opened, revealing one Shiranui Genma in all of his not-a-morning-person glory. 

“Morning, Senpai,” Kotetsu greeted, warranting a covered yawn and a vague hand motion in reply.

“Why is it so damn hot in here?” Genma asked, signing in for his shift. “It’s not even June yet.”

_ Shit, not a good sign. _

“The air conditioning is messed up,” Izumo supplied. “We’ve already opened all the windows, but it hasn’t really helped.”

“This building is less than a year old and we’re already having problems with it,” the tokujo griped. “I’ll go see if there’s a fan in the supply closet.”

The man disappeared into a corridor, emerging ten minutes later with nothing but a cup of coffee. He shook his head in defeat and made his way into the middle chair. 

“We expecting anyone back today?” Genma asked around the rim of his mug. Izumo checked the mission roster, then replied in the negative.

“We sending anyone off today?” he tried again. Izumo glanced at the roster again, then replied once more in the negative. Genma looked between him and Kotetsu then sighed.

“You guys haven’t seen anyone today, have you?” he stated more than asked. 

“Nope,” Kotetsu answered, popping the ‘p.’ “The guys from last shift didn’t see anyone either.”

The trio shared a look at that. They were at peace, for the time being at least, and it was  _ boring _ . There was still plenty to do around the village, but for accomplished chunin and jounin like them, those jobs were almost insultingly menial. 

“It’s better than watching all your friends die,” Genma reminded them needlessly, “but  _ damn _ is peacetime boring.” 

Izumo raised his own coffee mug in toast, Kotetsu pitching in a hearty “hear, hear!”

The next two hours passed in relative quiet, all three men sweating in the heat of the room. Movement in the corner of his eye alerted Izumo to the fact that Genma had finally given in and was tying his hair back. His flack vest came off next.

“Who the hell came up with these uniforms anyway?” he asked rhetorically, hooking a finger under the collar of his uniform top.

“I know, right?” groaned Kotetsu sympathetically, shucking his own vest. “There’s no reason to have a warm uniform in  _ Fire Country  _ of all places _. _ ”

Izumo would have commiserated with the others, had he not been staring at Genma’s neck. Kotetsu was the first to notice his silence and followed his line of sight, jaw dropping open as he registered what Izumo was seeing.

“Senpai,” Izumo began in disbelief, “please explain yourself.”

_ He hates being marked! He told us once that he hated when targets would try to mark him! _

“Hah?” Genma raised a brow at him in confusion. “What do I have to explain?”

_ You’re covered in hickies! _

Izumo floundered, but Kotetsu saved him the trouble of answering by poking behind the assassin’s jaw with an index finger. A look of realization flashed across Genma’s face before a cheeky, shit-eating grin replaced it.

“Do you really want to know what happened?” he teased, voice dripping with innuendo. Izumo shared a look with Kotetsu, then opened his mouth to answer.

“No,” he said at the same time that his partner said “You bet your sweet ass I do.”

Two sets of eyes, one amused and the other thoroughly unimpressed, turned to look at Kotetsu at that remark.

“Speaking of my ass,” Genma drawled, “does one of you have any painkillers?” 

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Kakashi POV

  
  


Yamato’s weary sigh touched something in Kakashi’s soul. 

“You aren’t upset?” Kakashi verified, not sure what to make of his friend’s reaction. 

“Not in the slightest,” came the flat reply. 

“What’s with that reaction?” Kakashi asked, equally flat, coaxing another weary sigh from the mokuton user. 

“I’m happy for you, Senpai, I really am,” Yamato began, “but I think Genma might be terminally oblivious.”

Kakashi cocked his head to the side in confusion, and Genma’s note was held out to him.

  
  
  


_ ‘Tenzo-kun, _

_ Try not to be too mad when he tells you. I know I’m being selfish and that you had your eyes on him first, but I can’t hand him over. Please don’t hate me forever. _

_ Genma _

  
  
  


A cartoon tanuki decorated the bottom of the page, and Kakashi almost, but not quite, resisted the urge to slam his palm into his forehead. 

“When you said he turned you down that time,” Kakashi began slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose, “what, exactly, happened?”

“I asked him how he viewed me and he said I was your favorite kouhai,” came the dry response. “I thought he was just trying to let me down easy.”

_ No wonder he thought Tenzo would hate him, if he was operating on that big of a misunderstanding. _

“Good luck, Senpai,” Yamato said at length. “I think you’re going to need it.”

_ Why do I get the feeling you’re right? _


	21. Sudden Class Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Kakashi is on a mission, and Genma is so bored. At least he has his friends to entertain him.

Genma entered the ninja bar half a step behind Raido, both men more than ready to unwind from a day of being Tsunade’s errand boys. He nodded to Izumo and Kotetsu, who were drunkenly regaling some unknown tale to a pained-looking Iruka. He quickly noticed some of the younger crowd in one of the larger booths to the back, as Raido had frozen momentarily in fear at Ino’s boisterous laugh. Genma chuckled to himself and prodded his friend forward, finally noticing that more than Aoba and Ebisu awaited their arrival.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Raido murmured into his ear, “they know about you and Kakashi.”

_ Well, that explains the sudden class reunion.  _

The newcomers took their seats, and Genma was suddenly met with a table full of expectant stares. He motioned to the bartender for his usual drink before acknowledging his friends. 

“What?” he deadpanned. Anko was the first to break the silence.

“So does he fuck with the mask on or not?” she blurted in all seriousness, prompting exasperated sighs from around the table. 

“You just won’t give that up, will you?” Kurenai muttered from her best friend’s left.

“I need answers, Shiranui,” Anko’s eyes narrowed slightly in warning as she completely ignored the genjutsu master. Genma met Anko’s demanding gaze and considered his options.

“What’s it worth to you?” he finally responded, grinning at the mix of trepidation and annoyance in his friend’s eyes. 

He knew Anko was far too invested in this to back out now, as she had started badgering Kakashi about it sometime during the Yondaime’s rule. Genma watched with something akin to a sadistic gleam in his eyes as she struggled with something. Ayako, the bartender, appeared with his drink, and Anko swallowed as she came to a decision.

“Ayako-san,” she said as if physically pained, “could you put Genma’s drinks on my tab, please?”

The bartender looked between Genma and Anko suspiciously, shaking her head a little before she relented and headed back to the counter. Genma raised his drink to Anko in a semblance of a toast before downing half of his beer in one go. She raised one purple eyebrow expectantly, to which Genma motioned that he would answer her questions later. Anko was the only person he knew that actually wanted to hear all of the explicit details of her friends’ sex lives. Their time together on Genma’s ANBU squad had completely obliterated any semblance of modesty between the friends. 

Anko smirked in acknowledgement and assent, for once respecting that none of their other friends wanted to know Kakashi’s length-by-girth measurements or how much semen he produced on average or what farm animal most closely resembled his sex-noises. Genma settled into the booth, nursing his somewhat extorted drink, and allowed the familiar warmth of friendship and conversation to wash over him. Three drinks in, he decided the conversation would survive without him and motioned for Anko to follow him.

The pair excused themselves and made their way over to the often-neglected dartboard in the back corner. Anko took the liberty of throwing the first projectile, hitting the board near the top center, all while looking expectantly at her comrade. 

“He doesn’t fuck with it on,” Genma answered around a grin and threw his dart absently. 

“Tell me everything,” she demanded, flinging another dart into the board. Genma eyed the board out of the corner of his eye and chuckled. Neither of them played darts by the actual rules, both of them finding it much more entertaining to make symbols in the board. Normally, they would make the Leaf symbol or some kind of letter, but Genma could already tell that tonight’s would be a dick.

_ Seems appropriate, given what we’re discussing. I doubt we have enough darts to finish out the balls, though.  _

Genma chuckled and threw a dart as began detailing his and Kakashi’s sex life to his friend.

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- 

  
  


Raido POV

  
  
  


“They’ve come a long way since they became genin,” Ebisu conceded, “but I’m just not sure that they’re truly at Chunin level.”

“Konohamaru-kun can use Rasengan,” Kurenai pressed. “And I heard from Shizune that Udon-kun’s medical training is coming along nicely.”

“I’m not worried about their skills at all,” Ebisu said with a slight shake of their head. Raido turned to face his comrade more fully, waiting to hear what was supposedly wrong with the other man’s team.

“They make a great unit,” Ebisu said fondly, “but they’ve never had to work without each other. They’ve never had to work  _ against _ each other.”

Several hums of understanding passed around the table, and Ebisu continued.

“They grew up during peacetime,” Gai concluded, softly for once, and Ebisu nodded.

“Pein’s invasion is the worst thing any of them have seen,” the bespectacled man continued with a slight frown. “It caused a lot of damage, but everyone survived in the end. They’re still so naive, I worry about them becoming complacent because-”

“Complacency kills,” chorused the rest of the table, the words ingrained into their very cores. The old friends lapsed into mirthless chuckles and silence, taking the opportunity to order another round. Raido’s gaze wandered over to where Genma and Anko stood, the latter laughing with tears in her eyes as the former said something while flapping his arms.

“Third War Alliances!” the scarred nin said suddenly, the beginning of a plan forming in his mind. A beat passed, then his comrades’ faces lit up in recognition. They hadn’t played that training-exercise-disguised-as-a-game in over a decade. Not since the battle of Kannabi Bridge.

“That might just work,” Ebisu said slowly, scratching idly at his chin. 

“We’d have to find more people to join us,” Ibiki pointed out.

“I’m sure my team would be up for it,” Kurenai supplied, lips finally pulling into a full smile.

“As would my precious students!” Gai enthused with a thumbs up. 

The group organized and arranged the when and where, Raido motioning Genma and Anko back to their table to get their input. Once everything was decided, the group collectively migrated to the booth occupied by the remaining Konoha Eleven, minus Team Kakashi. Ebisu waved goodbye and went to notify his teammates of the change to their training for the next day with a gleeful smile that bordered on unnerving.

  
  
  


\----- ----- -----

Tenten POV

  
  
  


Tenten looked up as Kiba cut himself off in the middle of his story, only to see that the booth was suddenly surrounded by jounin. She instinctively looked to her former sensei, who gave her a gleaming smile and a thumbs up. 

“Kurenai-sensei!” Kiba greeted, Akamaru pitching in a happy yip at his side. “What’s up?”

“We have a proposition for you!” Anko barked with her hands on her hips. 

“You know, Anko-chan,” Genma drawled, leaning over Shikamaru and plucking the cigarette dangling from his lips to take a drag, “it sounds dirty when you say it like that.”

Ino spit out some of her drink, spraying Kiba with some fruity cocktail. Tenten put a hand over her mouth to cover her giggles and offered the Inuzuka a napkin. 

“What Anko meant to say,” Kurenai continued with a bitten-back smile, “is that we’d like you all to join us for a training exercise.”

Tenten’s eyes flashed to Gai in trepidation, which to her chagrin did not go unnoticed.

“Don’t worry, Tenten,” Genma assured her with a chuckle, “Gai won’t be playing with us.”

“I will be refereeing!” Gai confirmed, teeth glinting somehow brighter. Tenten let out a sigh of relief, causing Genma to snicker and Aoba to laugh outright. 

“Seennpaii!” Ino slurred and pulled a suddenly alarmed Aoba into her lap, wrapping her limbs tight around his struggling body. 

“Troublesome,” Shikamaru muttered from across the table. 

“So wait,” Kiba frowned, looking between Genma and Kurenai, “is it a training thing or a game?”

“Yes,” several of the jounin answered, clearing absolutely nothing up. 

“It’s sort of like a group spar,” Kurenai explained, “but you fight in teams.”

“The point is to force you into teams with people you don’t usually get to work with,” Ibiki stated.

“Well, that was the point when we were genin,” Raido commented. “Now, the point is to help prepare Ebisu-san’s team for the chunin exams.”

“That,” Genma drawled, “and we’re all bored as shit.”

“It’s not just you guys,” Kiba commented, earning nods of agreement from around the booth. 

“Now!” Anko said, clapping her hands together. “Let’s talk teams.”

“Kurenai and I want Konohamaru-kun and Shikamaru-kun,” Raido said immediately.

“Okay, first of all,” Genma fired back, pointing Shikamaru’s cigarette at his friend threateningly, “fuck you.”

“If we’re going with those formations,” Aoba said from his blonde prison, “then I get Ino, Tenten, and Udon-kun.”

“And Ebisu and I get Mini-Gai and Choji-kun,” Genma added.

“Then I get Hinata, Kiba, and Moegi,” Anko demanded. 

“Shino-kun’s with me,” Ibiki stated “which leaves me with two open spots.”

“We could see if Izumo and Kotetsu want in,” Anko suggested.

“Nah,” Genma countered, “they have gate duty. Rai and I can take turns for kenjutsu, and Kiba and Tenten can cover the last spot.”

“Is that okay?” Ibiki confirmed, at which Tenten exchanged a wary glance with Kiba before hesitantly confirming.

“So what’s the catch?” Shikamaru asked, eyes nearly crossed at the effort of keeping Genma’s senbon in sight. 

“It won’t be any fun if we tell you ahead of time,” Genma pouted from his perch across the shadow-nin’s back. 

“You’ll be able to figure everything out quickly enough,” Kurenai assured them. 

“Make sure to bring flares,” Raido instructed. “We shouldn’t need them, but it’s better to have them just in case someone has to call a stop.”

The time and location were relayed, and Tenten began to feel anticipation pool in her belly. The jounin disbanded, and Tenten giggled again as she watched Aoba unsuccessfully try to escape Ino’s grasp.

“Genma,” the crow-nin implored his highly amused friend, “help me!”

“Ino-chan,” Genma turned the blonde’s head to face him, his face almost a perfect picture of gentle admonition, save for the mirth in his eyes. “When you give Aoba so much attention, Raido feels left out. You don’t want to break his heart, do you?”

Ino’s eyes widened impossibly and clouded over with unshed tears as she abruptly shook her head.

“Why don’t you go give Raido a hug?” Genma suggested, prompting Ino to nod her head enthusiastically. Within a second, Aoba was deposited unceremoniously on the floor and Ino was halfway across the bar. Tenten turned her head just in time to see Raido’s face fill with panic as the Yamanaka heir launched herself into his lap with a loud, apologetic sob. The scarred nin shot a dirty glare over to Genma, who blew a kiss in return as Aoba burst into laughter. 

_ Tomorrow should be fun.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	22. Let's Go Find Suna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinobi never stay bored for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I already posted a version of this chapter, but then I hated it, so I deleted it and redid it. So, if you read the first version of this chapter, please forget it (and also I apologize for making you read that garbage with your own eyeballs)

“And Old Man Teuchi might even give you a discount, ya know, since we’re technically related and all!” Naruto blabbed to a hopeless-looking Karin. The Kyuubi-vessel had been waxing poetic about Ramen for the last hour of their travels, which was not a new experience for Tenzo or anyone that had ever been teamed up with Naruto, but the newly designated Sound ambassadors appeared to be one “dattebayo” away from completely losing their minds. 

_ And we’re still four days away from Konoha. Maybe more, if we keep having to stop for Suigetsu.  _

Kakashi walked next to Tenzo with one hand in his pocket, the other holding a book in front of his face. They were travelling through one of the few parts of Fire Country that wasn’t heavily forested, and travelling on the ground was much slower than running through the trees. Tenzo repressed a sigh and tried, for the tenth time in half as many minutes, to find his happy place. A place where Naruto found something other than ramen to talk about, Karin wasn’t begging him to rescue her with her eyes, Sai and Sakura weren’t bickering over who-knows-what, and Suigetsu wasn’t loudly slurping at the dregs of his water.

_ This is fine. I am fine. I am calm. I am zen. This is me being zen. _

Suigetsu asked if they could stop for a few minutes. Karin punched through his head and began yelling at the top of her lungs, startling a few nearby birds into flight. 

_ I am zen, I am zen, I am- _

A movement from Kakashi prompted Tenzo to look over to the other man, only to notice a suspiciously colored piece of foam in his ear.

_ Okay, that is IT! _

Tenzo stepped in front of his team leader and put on his scariest face. 

“Kakashi-senpai,” the wood-user droned eerily, “that’s just not fair.”

  
  
  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Shikamaru POV

  
  


“Aoba’s team will be Fire,” Raido began, “Genma’s will be Wind, Ibiki’s Earth, Anko’s will be Lightning, and we’ll be Water.”

“Fire is allied with Wind,” Genma added, an out-of-character katana strapped across his back. “Wind is allied with Earth, Earth is allied with Water. Any questions?”

Several hands went up, but it was Kiba who spoke first.

“If the teams are allied like that,” he started, head cocked sideways like a confused puppy, “then wouldn’t it just be Lightning against everyone else?”

“Yeah,” Konohamaru piped up, “how do we know who to fight if the teams are set up like that?”

Genma opened his mouth to speak, sadistic gleam in his eyes, but never got the chance to speak.

_ Troublesome senpai.  _

“This is based on battles from the Third War, isn’t it? What a drag,” Shikamaru drawled.

“Oi!” Genma barked, pulling a piece of paper out of his vest. “Don’t ruin the surprise for everyone else!

“Genma, you’ve got that demented look in your eyes again,” Ibiki commented idly as he watched the tokujo carefully tear the paper into several pieces before placing them in a bag and shaking it. 

“Now for the fun part,” Genma said, outwardly ignoring his friend, though the glint of sadism in his eyes intensified. “Everyone close your eyes and take a slip from the bag- no peeking, Hinata-chan, keep your bloodline limit to yourself- memorize your slip then destroy it.”

Shikamaru took a slip from the bag when it was his turn, then quickly passed the bag to Chouji. He looked discreetly at his slip, intentionally keeping his face impassive.

_ Kazamatsuri Moegi. Damn, I don’t actually know a thing about her or her skills.  _

The corner of Shikamaru’s mouth raised in a smirk as another piece fell into his mental shogi board, waiting for direction. 

“If the person on your slip is on your team,” Ebisu continued, pushing his sunglasses further up his nose, “then they are a spy working against you, and your goal should be to get them out while assisting your allied teams. If they are not on your team, then they are a spy working for you, and you must keep them from getting out while still assisting your teams.”

“That’s impossible!” Konohamaru exclaimed at the same time that Ino cried “What’s with that?!” 

Shikamaru narrowed his eyes at Genma in concentration.

_ Were conditions really that bad during the last war? I’ve heard stories, and read through the old battle records, but this… shit, this is just a game, or a training exercise, or whatever, with no real stakes. This is nothing compared to what they must have lived through…  _

“The rules are simple,” Ibiki spoke, instantly commanding the attention of the younger shinobi before him. “Do not kill anyone. Do not die. Do not continue to fight once you have lost both of your ribbons. Do not use forbidden techniques.”

“Remember,” Kurenai reminded the group, “everyone should be fighting at chunin level. If someone does get injured badly enough to withdraw, use your flare.”

“That brings me to the last rule,” Ibiki continued. “Do not engage someone who has fired their flare, or the acting medics, which will be Ino, Udon, and Genma.”

“What will happen if we do?” Konohamaru asked nervously.

_ I don’t think you want to find out, kid. _

“Attacking the injured or the medics results in automatic disqualification!” Gai answered, far too enthusiastically in Shikamaru’s opinion, with a thumb’s up and blinding smile.

“In other words,” Raido supplied, “we will stop you by force.”

“And Aoba will feed your corpse to his birds,” Genma dismissed with a drawl, earning a series of indignant noises from the raven-haired man and a series of nervous squeaks from the youngest group members. “Anyway, we’ll start as soon as Anko gets here.”

_ There’s something they aren’t telling us, some ‘surprise.’ Based on how Genma-senpai is acting, it’s going to be particularly troublesome. Let’s see, based on the Third War, an alliance game… but our alliances only match up with the real alliances from the beginning of the war, before... _

Shikamaru’s eyes widened marginally before a smirk settled in on his face.

_ So, the alliances will change throughout the exercise. Now I just need to figure out how to tell when they change… let’s see, the easiest thing would be to call out the names of battles and work off of those alliances, but that requires extensive knowledge about those battles. Which I guess they have, and it would create even more confusion for someone who doesn’t know.  _

Shikamaru’s eyes met Genma’s, and his smirk became wider. The tokujo responded with his own knowing smirk.

“You really have a warped sense of humor, senpai,” the shadow-nin snickered, drawing the attention of the other jounin to him. 

“You figured everything out already?” Ebisu asked him, clearly impressed. Shikamaru’s smirk returned as he tapped out against his thigh, angled so only the jounin could see.

_ Enough to win. _

“I’m surprised it took you this long,” Genma taunted cheekily, Ibiki nodding slightly in agreement. Shikamaru noted the brief looks of surprise from Ebisu, Kurenai, and Gai at the use of the defunct code. A flash of something that might have been pride flitted across Genma’s features, but the look was gone before Shikamaru could be certain. 

Something in the strategist’s chest loosened slightly at the thought of having made the older man proud, a feeling he hadn’t experienced since Asuma had died. 

“Well then can you explain it to the rest of us?” Kiba interjected loudly, clearly annoyed at the situation, Akamaru yipping sympathetically.

“Not a chance,” Shikamaru answered with a grin, suddenly seeing things from the older group’s perspective. This time, he did manage to catch the look of amused pride on Genma’s face, and the satisfied feeling returned.

Suddenly, a large tan and purple mass shot into the center of the circle. Shikamaru barely had time to register Anko’s chakra signature before Genma and Aoba charged forward, hands moving so fast they seemed to blur. A quick “Scatter!” sounded from Raido a fraction of a second before Genma and Aoba combined wind and fire jutsu to create a massive wall fire.

Shikamaru dodged a kunai from his left, drawing his own to deflect a second coming from his right. He quickly ran to Konohamaru’s side, the younger teen already using Rasengan to repel Kiba and Akamaru. 

“When they said we would start as soon as Anko-sensei got here,” Konohamaru began as the pair dodged a giant human boulder, “they really meant it, huh?!”

Shikamaru hummed in agreement, taking note of Moegi’s fighting style in his peripheral vision.

“So what’s the plan, Shikamaru-senpai?” the young Sarutobi asked, the pair deflecting Tenten’s barrage of kunai. Just then, a booming voice sounded out over the sounds of clashing.

“BATTLE OF KIKYO PASS!” Gai called, completely redirecting Shikamaru’s plan entirely.

_ Let’s see, that was Konoha against…  _

Shikamaru quickly turned his head in time to see Genma and Raido clash swords through a cloud of crows. He briefly registered Ino’s voice saying “Oh, so that’s what it is!” as his younger teammate turned to ask what was going on.

“Okay,” Shikamaru murmured quietly, “here’s the plan.”

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- 

  
  


Genma POV

  
  
  


It was going better than he had expected. The looks of confusion and slight terror on his younger comrades’ faces after Gai had called out the first alliance shift had been priceless.

Gai called out the next instruction, and Genma rejoined the rest of his team. He opened his mouth to give his team a few quick instructions when a young Sarutobi appeared before his group. 

“Chouji and I distract him, you two go for the ribbons,” Genma hurriedly gave his team the order, and they sprang into action.

“Oiroke no Jutsu!” Konohamaru cried, transforming into a very beautiful, very naked woman. Genma threw a handful of senbon, unfazed, and stuttered his chakra to ward off Kurenai's genjutsu.

_ Where the fuck is the rest of my team?! _

He quickly turned his head, only to see Ebisu and Lee passed out on the ground, their noses dripping blood, and Chouji stood frozen, his face ablaze. A tendril of shadow quickly took all of their ribbons.

“Seriously?!” Genma and Konohamaru yelled indignantly. 

_ Guess I’m on my own now. Useless perverts.  _

“Why isn’t my jutsu working on you?!” Konohamaru huffed indignantly with a literal stomp of his foot. 

“It takes a lot more than  _ that _ to shock me, kid,” Genma replied, dodging shadow tendrils. 

_ It’s getting a bit boring, now that everyone knows how the game works. How can I add more chaos??? _

Genma felt his face light up in deranged excitement as an idea struck him, prompting Konohamaru to falter as the sudden change.

_ It’s been a long time since they’ve gotten to come out and play, anyway… _

The tokujo swiftly built up most of his chakra as he formed the necessary hand signs, embedding the order to ‘grab all the ribbons but mine’ within his chakra. He spit his senbon in Tenten’s direction, taking one of her ribbons before biting into his thumb, rushing forward to plant his open palm against a highly alarmed Konohamaru’s face.

“WHAT’S UP, NUMB NUTS?!” came the joint greeting from twin tanuki as they poofed into existence.

“AAAGHHH!” Konohamaru began flailing about in an attempt to pry one of the creatures off his face, failing to notice that the other had already chewed off his ribbons. With a satisfied smirk, Genma quickly used a transparency jutsu and found a hiding spot in a nearby tree to watch the chaos unfold. 

Just as he settled in, a startled scream sounded throughout the training grounds. Genma turned to see what was happening, only to be accosted by a flicker of purple.Grinning, Genma dodged the kunoichi’s fist and leaped to a nearby branch.

_ Anko-chan’s found me… this may be fun after all. _

  
  
  


\----- ----- -----

Moegi POV

  
  
  


A ‘poof’ sounded directly above her head, startling a scream from her mouth. The ground beneath her shifted as the earth style jutsu backfired from the interruption to her concentration. The young kunoichi looked up just in time to get a face full of fur.

_ What the-?! _

The furry mass shifted forward, and she instinctively caught it in her arms.

“IS YER HAIR CARROTS?!” the animal- a talking tanuki, she realized in disbelief- yelled in her face with what she could only describe as a munchkin voice. 

“Is my-what?” Moegi was so confused that she couldn’t even bring herself to be indignant. 

_ Should I be insulted??? _

“I GOT ‘EM, NIICHAN,” a second munchkin voice sounded behind her. Dumbly, Moegi turned over her shoulder to see a second tanuki with two ribbons in between its teeth.

_ I- I’m out! They tricked me! _

“THANK YOU CARROT LADY!” the beast in her arms shouted before both animals poofed away, leaving the orange-haired girl standing alone, trying to understand what had just happened.

  
  
  


\----- ----- -----

  
  
  


Ino POV

  
  
  


_ Just one more ribbon, and then I’m done… _

The blonde sat back to examine her and Tenten’s work. She had to hand it to the older girl: getting the boys to let them put the ribbons in their hair was surprisingly easy, and more than sufficiently entertaining. 

The spar was dragging on, courtesy of Anko, Raido, and Genma. Shikamaru had, to everyone’s immense surprise, had been taken out by the twin tanuki terrors shortly after their summoning, and had subsequently been the first recipient of what Kiba had dubbed “the ribbon treatment.”

Currently, she was working on the final braid to the elaborate updo she was doing on Chouji’s hair. She just needed one last ribbon and the look would be complete. Well, not  _ complete _ complete, since he wouldn’t let her dress him up, but that was an issue for another day. Holding the end of the braid with one hand, Ino reached down with the other to grab for the necessary adornment. Looking down for just a moment, she found herself face to face with one of the fuzzy nightmares.

“I’m gunna take dis, okay?” the creature said, for the first time not shouting, as he slowly pulled the ribbon toward himself with one paw. 

“I’m already out, though,” Ino floundered, trying to reason with the creature. A poof sounded, and the second tanuki appeared next to the first.

“But we have‘ta get all the ribbons,” the newcomer explained, imploring with huge eyes. A small motion in the corner of her vision caught Ino’s eye, and she looked up to Tenten’s scheming smile.

_ Oh, that’s a great idea! _

“Why don’t we help you get your ribbons, hm?” the blonde smiled sympathetically at the animals, motioning for Tenten to scoot closer.

“That’s an awful lot of ribbons to have to carry around in your mouths,” the brunette mused. “Wouldn’t it be easier if we tied them on you?”

A tense moment of silence followed as the tanuki looked back and forth between the two girls in unison before finally shouting “OKAY!” and crawling into their laps.

  
  
  


\----- ----- -----

  
  


Genma POV

  
  


The game had finally ended when he, Anko, and Raido had simultaneously taken each other’s ribbons under the ruse of a group hug. Genma followed his friends through the trees, half a step behind them. As they neared the clearing where the rest of the ninja had congregated, Raido turned his head with a sort of half smirk to tell what was likely to be one of his rare dirty jokes, freezing abruptly. A bewildered and slightly disturbed expression overtook his face, and Genma followed his line of sight to see two lumpy masses decorated with an obscene amount of ribbons. 

“What the-?” Genma began, cutting himself off in alarm as his summons finally spotted him. 

“GETCHAN!” the twin creatures of doom exclaimed in unison before ambling over to the wary tokujo, the excess of ribbons inhibiting their movement. Out of the corner of his eye, Genma noticed more than a handful of raised eyebrows and confused glances at the nickname.

“WE GOT THA RIBBONS!” Ikki, the one on his left, shouted up at him.

“I can see that,” Genma deadpanned in reply. Their orders complete, the duo poofed out of their ribbon prisons, prompting indignant noises from Ino and Tenten.

_ Well, at least I know who’s responsible for introducing my summons to bondage. _

“I’m bored now,” Kaze, who was now the one on Genma’s left, complained, thankfully at a somewhat normal volume. 

“OH! I know!” Ikki responded, nearly bouncing out of his body with energy. “Let’s go find Suna!”

“Wait, no-” Genma began with outstretched hands as Kaze replied “YEAH! WE CAN GO PLAY WITH SUNA!”

They swished their fluffy tails and poofed away, leaving Genma to grab at air. He cursed under his breath and turned his head until his eyes locked on lavender orbs.

“Hinata, can you see if Tsunade-sama is in her office?” he asked the Hyuga heiress, mind racing. The kunoichi nodded in the affirmative and activated her Byakugan.

_ Maybe if I can get to them before they cause too much damage, I can lure them away and she won’t kill me…  _

“She’s alone in her office!” Hinata confirmed. “Your summons are in there with her!”

Genma hissed out a few swear words and turned to Chouji.

_...I’ll have to bribe all three of them... _

“Where can I get sake and gummy worms between here and the Tower?” the senbon-user questioned, and the young Akimichi paused in thought.

“Huh? I thought they said they were going to Sand?” Kiba pondered with his head cocked, scratching under Akamaru’s chin.

“No, tanuki hate the desert,” Genma responded, flapping one hand at the dog-nin in dismissal. 

“Why’d they say they were goin’ to Suna if they don’t like the desert?” Konohamaru asked, and Genma huffed in mild annoyance.

“Can we go back to the ‘Getchan’ thing for a moment?” Aoba asked, prompting Anko to snicker beside him. He leveled a flat glare at them in answer and turned to the larger group with a slight sigh.

“They weren’t saying  _ Suna, _ ” he tried to explain, “they were saying  _ Tsuna. _ They just can’t pronounce it correctly. _ ” _

His explanation was met with more confusion. He was saved from further explanations by Hinata’s report.

“Tsunade-sama just threw one of them out of the window!” the quiet girl announced, and for a moment, no one breathed. “She just threw the other one out of the window, too!”

_ Well, I guess it could have been worse. _

With a sigh, Genma sat on the ground with his legs crossed and stretched out his arms palms up. Almost immediately, a poof sounded and a pair of distraught tanuki landed in his arms. 

“GETCHAN!” they sobbed, kicking their legs in anguish. 

“SUNA DOESN’T LIKE US!” Ikki wailed, thrashing so hard that he fell out of Genma’s arms.

“WE JUST WANTED TO PLAY!” Kaze cried as he draped himself across Genma’s chest. 

“BUT SHE YELLED AT US-” Ikki rolled back and forth on the ground, evidently unable to contain his heartbreak.

“AND TOLD US TO GO ANNOY GENMA-” Kaze sniffled.

“BUT WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT A GENMA IS!” Ikki flopped onto his back, having reached the dramatic conclusion to their epic tale of woe.

“And somehow that hasn’t stopped you,” Genma said fondly, patting Kaze on the bottom. 

“Okay, wait a minute,” Aoba interjected with one hand held up, a cheeky grin plastered to his face. Ikki and Kaze turned their heads as the crow-nin caught their attention.

“What do you think his name is?” he asked, pointing at Genma for emphasis. A feeling of dread settled into Genma’s stomach as his summons blinked in unison before answering gleefully.

“GANGRENE!”

“GONADS!”

“GONORRHEA!”

At the last one, Genma hooked his thumbs under Kaze’s front shoulders and held him up so that their eyes were level with each other.

“Aren’t tanuki supposed to be nocturnal?” he groused flatly as Aoba scream-laughed into Raido’s jounin vest behind him. Kaze pressed his nose to Genma’s in response, a gesture that none of his other summons aside from Ikki used. 

_ Damn you, you cute little vulgar rats. I can’t stay mad at you… _

Genma set the animal down on his lap with a sigh, rubbing behind his ears. Ikki climbed onto his lap then, and the twin tanuki curled around each other, making themselves comfortable on his lap. 

_ Well, I guess I’m stuck here now. _

He didn’t notice the small smile on his face.


	23. Welcome Home, Kakashi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma and Aoba have a friendship moment, and Kakashi finally returns from Orochimaru's only-marginally-evil-now clutches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short chapter, but here it is! More bar shenanigans are in the future.
> 
> P.S.: an update to Icha Icha Spectacle is coming soon

“I know it’s still a few months away, but I wanted to have enough time for things to get here if I end up ordering something,” Aoba said, picking up some rice with his chopsticks. 

“Yeah,” Genma agreed around a mouthful of his own lunch. “Mizukage-sama said at that meeting a while back that shipping times were almost a month behind schedule. Something about a workers’ strike in the Land of Waves.”

“Then I guess I really do need to figure this out sooner rather than later,” Aoba concluded, dipping his chopsticks back into his bento. “Have you thought of anything?”

Truthfully, Genma hadn’t even considered Raido’s birthday in the last year and a half. With everything that had happened- the Akatsuki, Danzo, Sasuke, all of it- there hadn’t been much room for celebrating birthdays. 

“I figured I could just tie a bow on your dick and be done with it,” the assassin replied instead, earning an amused snort from his friend.

“Is that what you’re doing for Kakashi’s birthday?” the older nin snickered. Genma briefly thought through his plans, a smirk emerging on his face.

“More or less,” he answered, prompting Aoba’s amused snickering. They ate in silence for a few more minutes, before Aoba abruptly turned to Genma.

“I just remembered,” he said, and swallowed the last of his rice. “I’ve been meaning to ask for a while now, but were you and Raido ever a thing? He mentioned that you’d done some things on missions but didn’t really say much about it.”

_ That’s probably for everyone’s benefit.  _

Genma briefly remembered a mission where he and Raido had been undercover as brothers, and their target had decided it would be extremely hot to watch them have sex. He’d almost blown their cover, but somehow managed to turn “Rai” into “right there” at the last second. 

He could laugh about it now, but he wasn’t so sure that Aoba would find it funny. 

“Hm,” Genma acknowledged, chewing on a peapod to buy himself time to think. 

“The short answer is no,” he finally answered softly. Aoba looked over in curiosity at the change in Genma’s demeanor. 

“And the long answer?” Aoba asked at length, equally soft. Genma stared into where he assumed the other man’s eyes were behind the sunglasses, face impassive as he considered his answer. 

Slowly, Genma allowed his chakra to seep into the space between them. It was only a small amount, but it was enough for Aoba to be able to listen to his thoughts.

_ After all the shit we’ve gone through together, Raido and I will always be best friends. We can’t ever decide to not be friends anymore, because we know too much embarrassing shit about each other. On the other hand, we can’t ever be more than friends for the same reason.  _

_ It’s the same deal with Anko. Anything the three of us might have done together was for the sake of a mission. It was a means to an end, and now our boundaries with each other are much more lax than is probably healthy. Ibiki and Kakashi were in ANBU with us back then, so they already knew about it.  _

_ There’s another thing, I think. Raido needs verbal reassurance that he’s loved, and that’s something I just can’t give him. Honestly, if I told him I loved him, he’d probably try to stab me. _

Aoba snorted in a combination of amusement and agreement, and Genma smiled slightly. 

_ Also, I already inflict my presence on him enough at work. He’d probably go insane if he had to deal with me any more than he already does. I’m kind of surprised he hasn’t tried to kill me already. _

At this, Aoba laughed outright. 

“I’m serious,” Genma asserted, reigning in his chakra. “One day he’s finally going to snap and kill me in my sleep!”

“I see now,” Aoba joked as he reached for his water bottle, “so you need Kakashi to protect you.”

“I don’t know,” Genma drawled around a smirk, “I think he likes me better unprotected.”

Aoba choked on his water. Genma watched with amusement as the older nin struggled to swallow around his laughter. 

“That was terrible,” Aoba wheezed, wiping at his mouth. 

Genma grinned and waggled his eyebrows in response, causing Aoba to spew his second attempt at the canteen. 

  
  
  


\----- ----- ----- ----- -----

  
  


Kakashi POV

  
  
  


“Alright,” Tsunade concluded, closing the file and handing it off to Shizune, “you’re dismissed.”

Kakashi disappeared in a puff of smoke before the Hokage had even finished speaking. He was beyond exhausted, though it hadn’t been a particularly rough mission. Everything had been going so well for the first two segments of the mission: they’d made good time getting to Otogakure, Tenzo had taken the news about him and Genma well, Orochimaru kept his creepiness to a tolerable level, everyone was more or less getting along.

The return trip, however, was another matter completely. What was supposed to be a five day trek eventually turned into eight, as they had to keep stopping for breaks so Suigetsu wouldn’t melt. This, of course, gave Sakura and Karin plenty of time to pass through Sasuke-related awkwardness, then hostility, sadness, hostility again (this time directed at Sasuke), until they finally came to a mutual understanding. It had been fascinating to watch with his earplugs in, if alarming at times. 

All of this is to say that Kakashi was  _ tired _ . He didn’t want to see another human for at least three days, preferably longer, though he knew Tenzo would hunt him down sooner or later and drag him out to the bar to socialize. 

Kakashi finally reached his apartment building and let out a sigh of relief. As he climbed up the fire escape, his eyebrows pulled together. 

_ I didn’t leave my windows open… _

Concealing his presence, Kakashi quickly drew a kunai and slinked toward his living room window. Using the blade as a mirror, he discreetly peered into the room and stopped in his tracks. 

_ I should have known… _

Replacing the kunai back in his pouch, Kakashi carefully climbed through the window. The sleeping masses on his couch didn’t so much as twitch, giving him plenty of time to soak in the sight that greeted him.

All eight members of his pack were asleep, either on top of or next to an equally unconscious Genma. Uhei lay across the back of the couch, his head resting on his crossed forearms. Bull, massive as he was, had curled up in front of the couch with Genma’s right hand resting on his head. Akino had, surprisingly, allowed the tokujo to use him as a pillow. Genma’s left arm held Bisuke to his chest protectively, while Guruko was draped across his stomach. Pakkun was laying on his back, nestled between Genma’s thighs, his head tipped back in a way that shouldn’t have been comfortable. Urushi had somehow managed to put himself over, under, and between Genma’s legs, and had apparently fallen asleep while chewing on the man’s right ankle. Shiba, who generally did not like to be touched, was draped over the arm rest at Genma’s feet, legs dangling over the sides. 

It was, in short, the cutest thing Kakashi had ever seen in his life.

_ Damn, I wish I still had the Sharingan so I could remember this forever… _

He was suddenly struck with an idea that was both brilliant and exceedingly stupid. Carefully, he snuck into his bedroom, over to the bookshelf that held the camera he had used when he was disguised as Sukea.

_ This is such a bad idea. If he finds out… _

Kakashi quickly formed the seals for a shadow clone and prepared to take a shower. Fifteen minutes later, he re-entered his living room feeling a little more human, just as Genma was starting to wake up. The dogs were already gone, as well as his shadow clone, leaving the two men alone.

“Kashi?” Genma asked sleepily. The silver-haired man hummed in answer and moved closer to the couch. 

“Kashi-kun,” Genma mumbled, stretching his arms out in Kakashi’s general direction, making grabby hands in his impatience. 

“Mah, I’m coming, I’m coming,” the younger man answered with a chuckle. Enough space was created for him to lay next to his lover, though he quickly found himself on his back with the other man flopped on top of him. 

“Mm,” Genma hummed in contentment, burrowing into the crook of Kakashi’s neck.

“Mm,” Kakashi parroted back and wrapped his arms around him, noticing how warm the other man was. He slipped one hand under the hem of Genma’s shirt to rest on his lower back, and threaded the other through brown shaggy locks. Genma’s body seemed to melt into his at the touch, and Kakashi sighed as a feeling of calm washed over him.

“Welcome home, Kakashi,” Genma breathed, already half asleep again. 

Kakashi’s heart stopped beating for one frightening moment, then started beating twice as fast as normal to compensate. He hadn’t heard those words directed at him since he was a child.

“I’m home,” he answered with a whisper. Genma pulled back enough to kiss him on the forehead before gracing him with a breathtaking smile- that special smile reserved for Kakashi, the one that said everything they couldn’t put into words. He pulled the older man into a lazy kiss, noticing that the usual faint taste of tobacco was missing but deciding not to comment on it. Genma pulled away first, oozing back into his previous position. Kakashi tightened his arms and let his eyes close, savoring the familiar weight on top of him.

_ I’m home. _

The words played through his mind over and over, his heartbeat gradually slowing with each repetition.

_ I’m home.  _

  
  
  
  
  



	24. Plenty of Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma isn't always the best at using words to explain himself, so he finds a way to explain how he feels about Kakashi the best way he knows how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE A HIATUS! Updates should be more frequent now! The next chapter is roughly halfway done and should be up soon!

“Genma?” Kakashi murmured softly, reluctant to break the spell of tranquility that had fallen around them in the modest apartment. They’d both woken up from their nap an hour earlier when Iwashi had entered his apartment next door, just getting home from his shift at the west gate. After eating some leftover stir-fry Genma had made for lunch, Kakashi had opened the nearest volume of  _ Icha Icha _ and began reading, fingers idly threading through brunette locks. 

“Mm?” responded the man in question, voice coated in drowsiness.

_ Seriously, he’s already sleepy again? He’s almost as bad as Shikamaru… No wonder they get along so well… _

“How long have you, uh…,” Kakashi trailed off, desperately hoping the other man would understand what he was asking without him having to say it.

“Hm?” the tokujo rolled over so that he was looking up at Kakashi. “Oh, I’ve been here about three days, I hope you don’t mind. ”

Kakashi blinked. Genma sat up and ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit he’d picked up when they were teenagers.

“I really didn’t mean to intrude,” Genma continued, “it’s just that I summoned a couple of my tanuki during training, and they followed me home, which was fine until they reverse-summoned the rest of the group, so now there’s a dozen tanuki in my apartment and now  _ I can’t get them to leave _ , and I-”

“Gen,” the silver-haired nin cut off the other man, “stop panicking.”

“Right,” the assassin agreed, looking away in embarrassment. 

“Even though you really are cute when you start panic-babbling,” Kakashi sighed, circling his arms around a now pouting Genma and pulling him to his chest, “that wasn’t what I was asking about.”

He didn’t dare make a comment about Genma’s inability to get rid of the tanuki infestation. He could count on one hand the number of interactions he’d had with his lover’s summons with fingers to spare, but it was more than enough to know that those creatures wouldn’t listen to anyone but Genma, and even that was questionable.

Genma cocked his head in a silent question, and Kakashi felt the tops of his cheeks start to heat.

“Before, you said your feelings weren’t half-assed,” Kakashi began, Genma understanding a heartbeat later.

“When did it happen or when did I realize it?” he answered with a question, to which Kakashi chose the latter. Genma brought a hand up to his unmasked face, swiping his thumb along Kakashi’s cheekbone tenderly. Suddenly, the loving expression morphed into one of mischief. 

“You first,” Genma stipulated. Kakashi leveled an unimpressed glare on the other man, whose grin only widened in response. 

“Fine,” he eventually conceded, pouting enough to distract himself from the incredible awkwardness he felt. He knew Genma would see through it anyway. 

“It was the night I hugged you,” he said quietly, knowing Genma knew exactly which night he was talking about. A moment passed in silence before the brunette responded.

“Is that why you panicked?” he asked softly, moving his hand more fully onto Kakashi’s face. The silver-haired nin nodded, leaning into the touch, and shot Genma a look that made it clear it was his turn to share. The teasing glint reappeared in his brown eyes.

“I knew it from the moment we met,” the tokujo boasted, prompting a weary sigh from Kakashi.

_ Here it comes… _

“The first time I saw you,” Genma continued in a surprisingly accurate impression of Gai, “I knew right away that you were my man of destiny!”

_ … And there it is… _

“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?” Kakashi deadpanned, sending the other man into a fit of laughter that was, he could admit rather begrudgingly, very endearing. Still chuckling somewhat, Genma rearranged himself so that he was stradling the younger man. Gently, he took the book from Kakashi’s hand and closed it, setting on the table behind him. Kakashi’s eyes flicked involuntarily to the book, momentarily concerned for the safety of its pages, internally sighing in relief when he saw a tiny fold at the top corner of the page he had been reading, marked exactly as Kakashi wanted despite having never been told.

_ He’s always been observant, but for such a small detail… How long has he been watching me without my noticing? _

The feeling of Genma’s hands cupping his face brought Kakashi back to the present. He tore his eyes away from his book only to meet a soft brown gaze. The hands on his face, the look in his eyes, the easy quirk of his smile; everything about Shiranui Genma in that moment radiated love. He was warm, and gentle, and everything that Kakashi had never been but had always longed for. His heart started beating a little faster at having such an expression directed at him, but he didn’t dare look away. 

He couldn’t remember either of them moving, though they must have to be kissing as deeply as they now were. Kakashi’s eyes closed as the warmth from Genma’s body seeped into his chest. 

_ No, not body heat: chakra. _

The image of a vaguely familiar woman with a striking resemblance to Genma entered his mind unbidden.

_ Is that…?!  _

The kiss ended, though neither man pulled away. Kakashi felt his hair being brushed aside as the memories began flooding into his head.

  
  
  
  


~~~~~

  
  


_ “And be sure to introduce yourself properly to your classmates,” his mother said, smoothing out some wrinkle on the young boy’s jacket that was undetectable to anyone else.  _

_ “I will,” Genma responded dutifully, his mother now fussing over his hair. He was worried that he was going to be late for the entrance ceremony, and began shifting towards the door. Eventually he made it to the Academy, with ten minutes to spare, and took a seat next to a tanned boy with black hair.  _

_ “Hi, I’m Genma,” he began, remembering his mother’s instructions. “Shiranui Genma. Nice to meet you.”  _

_ “Sarutobi Asuma,” the other boy returned, grinning back at him. “Nice to meet you!” _

_ The seat on Genma’s other side was suddenly occupied by a dark-haired girl with deep red eyes.  _

_ “I’m Asuma,” the boy at his right began, leaning forward to look at the newcomer, “and this is Genma-kun. What’s your name?” _

_ “Yuuhi Kurenai,” the girl said. And just like that, Genma became a third wheel, awkwardly caught between two people deep in conversation. As his two new tentative friends quickly forgot his existence, Genma’s mind began to wander, and he looked around the room to observe his peers.  _

_ A shock of silver hair quickly caught his attention, surprising because it belonged to one of his classmates and not an adult.  _

**_What’s the point of wearing a mask if your eyes are still expressive?_ **

  
  


\---

  
  


_ He wasn’t “hiding” per say, because that would imply he was hiding  _ from _ something. No, as far as he was concerned, this was just concealment training. Sure, he’d only been at the academy for a little over a week, but it was good to start these things early, right?  _

**_Besides, it’s not like anyone’s looking for me yet._ **

_ But he knew that wasn’t true. He knew they were back with his mother’s body. Hiroji had started drinking before Genma even woke up; he’d been nearly drunk by the time Genma was walking out the door for class.  _

_ “Genma,” he’d called out at the last minute, kneeling to the child’s height. He motioned for Genma to come closer, so Genma did, only to be wrapped in the first and only hug he would ever receive from his uncle.  _

_ “Er, Hiroji,” Genma began, standing awkwardly in front of the intoxicated man, “I’m going to be late…” _

_ He’d let the child go with one more tight squeeze and slurred his goodbye.  _

_ Genma was brought back to the present as something large and grey dropped in front of him. _

**_Dog._ **

_ Large brown eyes blinked down at him, glinting with intelligence, and Genma took in the animal’s massive form. _

**_Big dog._ **

_ A man with long blue-tinted hair dropped next to the big dog, calling over his shoulder. _

_ “Sakumo-san, he’s over here.” _

_ A man he recognized as Kakashi-kun’s dad appeared next. _

_ “Dan, you can tell Lord Third we’ve found him,” he addressed the first man, who nodded and disappeared. Sakumo got down on one knee, so that he was nearly eye-level with Genma. _

_ “Can I pet your dog?” Genma asked, fingers twitching with the urge to pet the silvery fur. _

_ “Wolf,” the White Fang corrected gently. _

_ “Can I pet your wolf-dog?” Genma politely modified, carefully forming the cute, pleading facial expression he used when trying to get his mother to buy him dango. A flicker of something Genma was too young to understand passed over the man’s face, and he glanced at the wolf-dog in question. _

_ “Yeah,” Kakashi-kun’s dad said with a slight sigh. “You can pet her.” _

  
  


_ He left earlier than usual to go to school the following day. He couldn’t explain why, he just felt like he needed to get to the Academy before everyone else showed up. As he slid the door to the classroom open, he was surprised to see Kakashi already there, sitting next to Genma’s usual desk with an open book. _

_ A few moments passed in awkward silence as Genma took his seat. _

_ “I’m sorry about your mom,” Kakashi finally said. Something in the other kid’s tone was off, and Genma hazarded a guess as to what the reason was. _

_ “I’m sorry about yours too,” he said after a short pause.  _

  
  


_ \-- -- -- _

  
  


_ “As expected of my Rival!” his teammate loudly enthused, then dropped to the ground and began doing one-armed push-ups. Their group got a few odd looks from some of the other patrons in the dango shop, but the group of chuunin didn’t even give their friend a second glance. _

_ Sometimes it was just better to let him do his own thing. _

_ Especially if Kakashi was involved. _

  
  


_ “So,” Asuma began, “does anyone have any idea of what to get Kakashi?” _

**_Shit._ **

_ They all seemed to be thinking the same thing. A few ideas were tossed around, including a set of ankle weights, an engraved knife sharpener, and Genma’s personal favorite: a box of brown hair dye.  _

  
  


_ Eventually, Genma settled on a vial of poison and the accompanying antidote. Truthfully, he had made too much and didn’t have enough space in his apartment to store it all, but Kakashi didn’t seem to mind too much. _

  
  


_ \-- -- -- _

  
  


_ He was crouched outside Kakashi’s window, presence completely erased.  _

_ Not that it was necessary, with the nightmares Kakashi was having.  _

_ Kakashi awoke suddenly, and Genma watched with bated breath as the argent-haired teen bolted across the tiny apartment towards the sink and began compulsively scrubbing at his hands.  _

_ Genma’s eyes narrowed as his concern grew, but he made no moves to help his friend lest he reveal his position.  _

_ He needed no reminder that he was here on a mission, from the Hokage himself. His orders were only to observe and report back to Minato-sama. _

  
  


_ He was under orders not to interfere, but that really only applied while he was wearing the mask. At least, this was his reasoning as he bought a pair of fingerless gloves the next day. _

_ “Hey, Kakashi,” he stopped his friend in the hallway the next day. “Ebisu gave me a pair of gloves for my birthday last month, but I think they’re throwing off my aim. I was wondering if you would want them, since I can’t return them, and you use long blades more than I do anyway.” _

_ “Oh,” Kakashi seemed taken aback. “Uh, sure, I can try them.” _

_ “Thanks,” Genma smiled, pulling the gloves out of his pocket. “I’d hate for them to just go to waste, you know? Just don’t say anything to Ebisu about it.” _

_ “Thank you,” Kakashi said, unusually quietly, though Genma pretended not to notice. _

_ “Of course,” he replied instead. “That’s what friends are for, right?” _

  
  
  


_ \--- --- --- _

  
  


_ “I’m surprised you guys haven’t already tried to break out of here,” the scent of cigarette smoke filled Genma’s head a split second before Asuma’s voice floated into the room. _

_ “Oh, we were going to,” Genma cracked a grin, “but Iwashi threatened to rat us out to Tsunade-sama, and, well, we decided to choose life instead.” _

_ “Sounds like we made the right call, too,” Raido added, bringing attention to the issue at hand. _

_ “Yeah,” Asuma sighed. “About that… The kids are all back and in recovery, but it seems that Sasuke went to Orochimaru of his own accord, so there’s nothing more we can do.” _

_ “And the Sound?” Raido asked, eyes narrowing slightly. Asuma smirked in response, prompting both Genma and Raido to groan aloud. _

_ “Aw, come on!” Genma wailed.  _

**_I can’t believe that a bunch of kids outdid us!_ **

_ Asuma laughed heartily at the irony, though the humor was short-lived. _

_ “I assume Kakashi’s taking it well,” Genma said drily, watching as his friend puffed out a cloud of smoke. _

_ “About as well as expected,” came the sober reply. “Gai is with him now, though, so I’m sure he’ll pull through. Honestly, I’m more worried about Aoba.” _

_ “Why?” Raido asked. “What’s wrong with Aoba?” _

_ “Well,” Asuma began, though Genma was only half listening. “He seems to think that if he hadn’t let it slip to Sasuke about Itachi, that maybe he wouldn’t have left, and that Kakashi hates him now or something...” _

**_Shit, first Itachi and now Sasuke… If anyone can help him right now, it’s Gai, but still… You really have shitty luck, don’t you, Kakashi?_ **

_ \-- -- -- _

  
  


_ This was his worst nightmare, come to life. Except worse, because it was actually happening.  _

_ He quickly dodged some falling debris, catching a glimpse of Chouji in his peripheral vision. He followed the chunin on instinct, only for the world to shift out from under his feet.  _

_ He vaguely recognized Chouji going over to help his father, but he couldn’t hear anything over the roaring in his ears. The edges of his vision became blurry as his focus tunneled, and he took an even step forward, then another, and another, until he stood before the lifeless form of the Copy Ninja.  _

_ His tongue felt obtrusive in his mouth. He swallowed.  _

_ He needed to do something. What was he supposed to be doing again?  _

_ He blinked, and his vision began to clear. He blinked again, and then he blinked again, but the edges of his sight wouldn’t come back to full clarity.  _

_ His ears were buzzing. Was he supposed to be doing something? _

_ Awareness crashed back into him, sudden and brutal. He couldn’t just stand there, he had to  _ do _ something. _

_ The assassin began frantically pulling the rocks and debris off of his friend, as though reality would change if he just moved faster.  _

_ “Kakashi,” he whispered, “tell the others I said ‘hello,’ will you?” _

_ He eased Kakashi’s body into a lying position, and then he felt it. _

_ The Kyuubi’s chakra. _

  
  


_ \--- --- --- _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Kakashi was hugging him. _

_ Wait, that couldn’t be right. Genma surreptitiously disturbed his chakra, but there was no genjutsu to break. _

_ Kakashi was really hugging him.  _

**_I guess I just… hug him back???_ **

  
  
  


_ “It’s been about three hours since I was supposed to meet them,” Kakashi said, “so we should probably get in position.” _

_ “Right,” Genma responded, signing his mission report quickly before capping his pen. They stripped down to their underwear and staged their clothes before shuffling into Kakashi’s bed. He thought he saw a tinge of pink dusted across the other man’s cheeks but easily dismissed it as a trick of the light and opened his arms invitingly, wrapping them around the warm mass now laying across him. _

_ Genma shook off a sudden feeling of loneliness, deciding to focus instead on his friend’s steady breathing.  _

_ It felt undeniably nice. He almost wished that no one would come looking for them. He almost wished that- _

**_No. Do_ ** **not** **_even go there._ **

_ He would  _ not _ wish that they were cuddling for real. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t be taking note of how well Kakashi fit in his arms, because it didn’t matter.  _

**_It’s just a prank._ **

  
  
  
  


_ “I didn’t hate it.” _

_ Those words kept playing over and over in his head.  _

_ He had turned plenty of people down before. Quite a few, in fact, since the start of their prank, a fact he’d kept to himself. He had plenty of reasons to turn down Kakashi.  _

_ The problem was that he didn’t  _ want _ to turn down Kakashi. _

**_Whoa, what?!_ **

_ He nearly lost his grip on the bowl he was drying due to the shock of his sudden realization. He set it down carefully, blandly realizing he’d been drying the same bowl for nearly two minutes, and walked back to the living room. He paused in the doorway, a sudden wave of fear and anxiety crashing over his head, but recovered enough to walk over to his… friend? Lover?  _

_ He wasn’t sure of anything. All he knew was that Kakashi’s small sigh of relief set his mind at ease, and that Kakashi’s hair was much softer than he expected, and that- _

**_Okay, yeah, I’ve got it bad._ **

  
  


_ ~~~~~ _

Kakashi opened his eyes to find Genma smiling softly at him. 

“See?” Genma tapped him gently on the nose with his index finger. “My feelings about you were never half-assed.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Icha Icha Spectacle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24078127) by [LonelyOolong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyOolong/pseuds/LonelyOolong)
  * [Behind Cheap Sunglasses](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24975844) by [LonelyOolong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyOolong/pseuds/LonelyOolong)




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